New Things: 1st work out of the year, finished my first painting of the year
Everyone has those pivotal moments in life where you can look back and know that life could have looked completely different if (fill in the blank) happened differently. These are the moments that give me confirmation that God loves me and pursues me even when I choose not to love Him. In fact, God's grace on the cross and beyond baffles me when I think about what my life could be on my own ambition. But I thank God for the promises of 1 Corinthians 10:13, he provides a way out! These pivitol moments we have to decide whether we will turn right!
When I entered college, I left a home that had set me up for greatness. I grew up in a two parent home that taught me the gospel, brought me up in a church that confirmed my leadership in ministry and expected great things from me. I wasn't a statistic teen that goes off to college and drops out of church. I had morals and a genuine love for God and his people. But college introduced a different temptation I was not prepared for.
College was a chance to start over, be whoever I wanted to be. My first friends I met there were in my orientation group. They are beautiful girls and very precious to me. However we had different perspectives on alcohol, parties and guys. But I so desperately wanted to be their friends, I told myself I can stay strong. That lasted about a semester. These girls never tried to change me. In fact, they embraced my religion and morals, and some ways respected me for them. But I was never going to fit in if I didn't give in. Soon I became a typical partier, got my roommate in the scene, found the parties, the drinks and the guys. I still had boundaries, they just were set a little wider than before. My mom tried to talk to me, prayed for me daily, but it was no use. I had convinced myself that I'm not having sex or getting drunk, what was her problem? There are some things that I regret during this time of my life, but I'm so thankful God kept me from sex and drugs.
During this time I was super faithful to church and bible study, but as hard as I tried to meet people, no one wanted anyting to do with me. I've never felt so lonely at church. Then randomly one night in my sophomore year, I ran into a friend I had not seen in 4 years. He invited me to a church he was going to sing at the following Sunday, which happens to be the church my brother used to go. I had purposefully avoided this awesome church because I did not want to be "Todd's little sister". But I went! And I loved it! They invited me to lunch, half mentioned Todd but asked about me, and immediately I felt guilt for the past year and a half! After that Sunday my friend that invited me never came back. The following Wednesday I was offered a job at the church as the youth pastor's intern (granted they should probably have known me before offering me the job). But this was my right turn. Saying I would go see a friend sing in church was my pivotal moment.
The following summer my brother got married to a beautiful woman. He went to seminary in Texas. His wife used to take care of these children in some government housing, but it was more than just visiting or babysitting, she loved them! Denzel and Missy were in her wedding! I had met the children once before the big day, but that's all you need to fall in love! Well after the ceremony Missy, age 6, looks up at me with the most serious concern and asks "Who is going to take us to church now?" Pivotal Moment: take right turn here! Before I could even think I just said "I will". Taking them to church was not what I did... I became their sister. I took them to basketball and cheerleading at the church, kids choir wednesday nights, sunday morning and nights, school plays, tutored them, sleep overs, Christmas, birthdays, helped the parents. It was hard but I loved every moment of it. Soon I was taking kids from the neighborhood by the car loads. The college ministry volunteered to help carpool, provide backyard bible clubs, adopt little brothers and sisters. The church supported the ministry and helped the adults.I was way over my head but I knew it was what God had planned. It is this ministry that has led me to seminary with a love for children that do not have a home that can set them up for greatness! I want to give families opportunities. I want to love as Christ has loved me. I am sitting here right now typing a blog about God's goodness because I took the right turn.
How blessed I am to know I serve a God who is seated on the high throne able to judge and forgive!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Sunday, January 1, 2012
It's a new year and I just want coffee
New Things: my love for kinect, 1st NC state basketball game, Bourne movies, year 2012
It is year 2012! The end. Nothing different, extraordinary, or motivating about this year. I've decided to set no expectations or seek new thrills, make plans or have goals for the year. Now for the reader that does not follow my logic, this may sound depressing or cynical but stay with me.
Expectations and plans lead to an inevitable disappointment. We do not control our days much less our year. Therefore, I'm brilliant. Each day is a new adventure or thrill to see what the day has in store. When I get stuck in plans I eliminate possibilities, but without plans I'm open for anything. I try to conform to what I think is expected of me and no doubt I've ruined the ideal.
Today I was encouraged to live 1 Corinthians 10:31 "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it for the glory of God". The things I do are not for my gain but the glory of God. This is the secret, it isn't about me. My day, plans, goals, and expectations are not about me.
So this year my plan is to live like I am dying. But first I need coffee!
It is year 2012! The end. Nothing different, extraordinary, or motivating about this year. I've decided to set no expectations or seek new thrills, make plans or have goals for the year. Now for the reader that does not follow my logic, this may sound depressing or cynical but stay with me.
Expectations and plans lead to an inevitable disappointment. We do not control our days much less our year. Therefore, I'm brilliant. Each day is a new adventure or thrill to see what the day has in store. When I get stuck in plans I eliminate possibilities, but without plans I'm open for anything. I try to conform to what I think is expected of me and no doubt I've ruined the ideal.
Today I was encouraged to live 1 Corinthians 10:31 "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it for the glory of God". The things I do are not for my gain but the glory of God. This is the secret, it isn't about me. My day, plans, goals, and expectations are not about me.
So this year my plan is to live like I am dying. But first I need coffee!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
"Yippie Ki-yay" (Do not insert other choice words)
New Things: One day full of absolutely nothing, made cake balls, helped my dear friend Shonica move (again), one week out from Christmas without Christmas gifts to give... awesome!
On my day full of absolutely nothing, I did watch Die Hard 1,2, and 4. By now you must understand my love for these movies. They are a great combination of humor, action,wit, and sometimes romance. I'm pretty sure there is no way Bruce Willis could actually live through everything he has experienced but this is why we are so impressed with him. I love having to think through a movie. I feel less lazy watching the movie when I have to pay attention to the plot. The Bourne series is next on my list to watch. Man, I have lofty goals in life.
I'm not sure why I like these movies so much. I guess I like the thrill and the brave hero. Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me that a good ol chick flick doesn't keep my attention as much. I mean, I like some chick flicks but I get so excited about a car taking out a helicopter or a wildly ridiculous amount of explosives that never kill the target. The other night my roommate and I watched a chick flick where four men were in a fight and not even a bloody nose, weak! I think I like these movies because I look at life with thrill and wit and just know that something in my life is going to blow up. It depicts life as a hazard rather than unicorns that poop rainbows. My concern is since when did women start buying into the fact that life stinks until a man sweeps them off their feet.
Here is the truth... welcome life's comedy, pursue wit, find a hero to rescue you from disaster, and don't settle for a cliche. The best movies relate to all of these areas. Find a theme song and roll wit it as the credits run with you driving in a convertible on the highway to satisfaction.
On my day full of absolutely nothing, I did watch Die Hard 1,2, and 4. By now you must understand my love for these movies. They are a great combination of humor, action,wit, and sometimes romance. I'm pretty sure there is no way Bruce Willis could actually live through everything he has experienced but this is why we are so impressed with him. I love having to think through a movie. I feel less lazy watching the movie when I have to pay attention to the plot. The Bourne series is next on my list to watch. Man, I have lofty goals in life.
I'm not sure why I like these movies so much. I guess I like the thrill and the brave hero. Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me that a good ol chick flick doesn't keep my attention as much. I mean, I like some chick flicks but I get so excited about a car taking out a helicopter or a wildly ridiculous amount of explosives that never kill the target. The other night my roommate and I watched a chick flick where four men were in a fight and not even a bloody nose, weak! I think I like these movies because I look at life with thrill and wit and just know that something in my life is going to blow up. It depicts life as a hazard rather than unicorns that poop rainbows. My concern is since when did women start buying into the fact that life stinks until a man sweeps them off their feet.
Here is the truth... welcome life's comedy, pursue wit, find a hero to rescue you from disaster, and don't settle for a cliche. The best movies relate to all of these areas. Find a theme song and roll wit it as the credits run with you driving in a convertible on the highway to satisfaction.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Living Life in a Sleep
New things: First time I didn't have someting new for my blog!! I'm knee deep in finals, please forgive me. After thursday I will be much more exciting!!
Growing up, my dad used to tell me that every night he would put me to bed and most evenings at a certain time he would watch me clumsily make my way down the hallway ready to take on the world in half a dream. My dad would corral me by the stairs and direct me back to my bed where he would tuck me in safely. Usually my first attempt of freedom was too exhausting to get back out of bed.
In college, my roommate hated my sleep habits. I would somehow make my way down the stairs and who knew where I ended up. I would go in her room sometimes and turn on the lights and jet out without an ounce of remorse. I called people in my sleep, which may be more dangerous than falling down the stairs. Mostly I ended up on the couch downstairs with the tv on.
Since I've been in seminary, I do not have many stories of my sleeping in action. A few times I changed sleeping locations but nothing out of the ordinary. That is until my poor roommate Kimberly got to see me in action. It is a habit now for me to start on the floor in front of the tv (if I ever wake up in my bed I'll know it's because I slept walked there). Kimberly usually watches whatever movie I have in while she studies, then goes to bed. The other morning Kim asked me if remembered talking to her the previous night. Noting the clueless look on my face Kim proceeds to tell me that I quickly shot up off the floor, made my way to the restroom, did some business, got some water to drink, and went to lay back down. Kim had asked if I would like to turn the movie back on that it was fine. I then responded that I would try to go to sleep without the tv on but I would let her know if I had any trouble. I laid my head down, and that's all she wrote.
NOT A CLUE!! haha It's good to know that I can do life in my sleep... literally!!
Growing up, my dad used to tell me that every night he would put me to bed and most evenings at a certain time he would watch me clumsily make my way down the hallway ready to take on the world in half a dream. My dad would corral me by the stairs and direct me back to my bed where he would tuck me in safely. Usually my first attempt of freedom was too exhausting to get back out of bed.
In college, my roommate hated my sleep habits. I would somehow make my way down the stairs and who knew where I ended up. I would go in her room sometimes and turn on the lights and jet out without an ounce of remorse. I called people in my sleep, which may be more dangerous than falling down the stairs. Mostly I ended up on the couch downstairs with the tv on.
Since I've been in seminary, I do not have many stories of my sleeping in action. A few times I changed sleeping locations but nothing out of the ordinary. That is until my poor roommate Kimberly got to see me in action. It is a habit now for me to start on the floor in front of the tv (if I ever wake up in my bed I'll know it's because I slept walked there). Kimberly usually watches whatever movie I have in while she studies, then goes to bed. The other morning Kim asked me if remembered talking to her the previous night. Noting the clueless look on my face Kim proceeds to tell me that I quickly shot up off the floor, made my way to the restroom, did some business, got some water to drink, and went to lay back down. Kim had asked if I would like to turn the movie back on that it was fine. I then responded that I would try to go to sleep without the tv on but I would let her know if I had any trouble. I laid my head down, and that's all she wrote.
NOT A CLUE!! haha It's good to know that I can do life in my sleep... literally!!
Friday, December 9, 2011
Non Favorites
New Things: SEBTS Christmas Concert, Went to my last class in a Fall semester EVER!!!!
I don't like to complain a lot, so I keep things to myself. It usually starts building up inside of me until finally I'm on the phone with my mom where I just unleash built up non favorites all over her. It is amazing she ever answers the phone. So I've decided maybe the most healthy way to unleash this is to tell you. There is no particular order.
1. a driver to the left of me at a stop sign creeps up so I can't see cars coming from the left. Just freakin hold your horses so I can take a right turn.
2. getting phone calls from telemarketers who insult me by trying to convince me that I signed up for online college classes and then are defensive when I tell them I didn't and want off their list.
3. people that yell at me because they were inconvenienced by something out of my control.
4. people that make excuses for their mistakes. just apologize and don't do it again.
5. Anything below 50 degrees without snow should not be allowed.
6. Being told what to do (this is a pride issue, I understand)
7. Country music
8. dark chocolate
9. cussing
10. sweet tea or dr. pepper
11. the unknown
12. predictability
13. driving long distances by myself
14. jealousy
15. crying
16. being wrong
17. disappointing others
18. the color brown
19. bullies
20. complaining
I don't like to complain a lot, so I keep things to myself. It usually starts building up inside of me until finally I'm on the phone with my mom where I just unleash built up non favorites all over her. It is amazing she ever answers the phone. So I've decided maybe the most healthy way to unleash this is to tell you. There is no particular order.
1. a driver to the left of me at a stop sign creeps up so I can't see cars coming from the left. Just freakin hold your horses so I can take a right turn.
2. getting phone calls from telemarketers who insult me by trying to convince me that I signed up for online college classes and then are defensive when I tell them I didn't and want off their list.
3. people that yell at me because they were inconvenienced by something out of my control.
4. people that make excuses for their mistakes. just apologize and don't do it again.
5. Anything below 50 degrees without snow should not be allowed.
6. Being told what to do (this is a pride issue, I understand)
7. Country music
8. dark chocolate
9. cussing
10. sweet tea or dr. pepper
11. the unknown
12. predictability
13. driving long distances by myself
14. jealousy
15. crying
16. being wrong
17. disappointing others
18. the color brown
19. bullies
20. complaining
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
My Kryptonite
New Things: Started a painting completely from my own creativity, got my first Christmas present of 2011, watched Inside Man
I already know this blog will sound arrogant but in reality I'm letting you know my biggest weakness. Please don't use it against me! Ready?... is the anticipation setting in?...boys!!!
Arrogant Section:
I really do think I would be a great catch. I like action films,sports, I like to laugh and hate to cry, I'm not the jealous type or clingy, I like a challenge, I'm intelligent, not completely unfortunate looking, I'm a decision maker, leader, follower, I get along with most people, outgoing, like to bake and paint, I run, I eat healthy and hearty, I'm not afraid of confrontation but don't let small things bother me, I'm a good driver and good with directions, I'm not fragile but like the man to be a man, I'm well read, I like college football, love my family, and most of all love God.
I have room for many improvements but the one thing that shuts me down is fear of rejection.
Here's what happens:
I meet someone that is attractive, probably tells a joke, holds a decent conversation, and smiles just because he is a nice guy. Upon observation I find the guy is nice. He befriends those that don't have many friends. He is generous to others. He is active in the Church and I know he loves God. He is humble. Never self-serving. He loves getting to know people. He is adventurous. He's not clingy or a creeper. He's not a flirt. He's a man's man. He loves his family. He is intelligent, encouraging, and edifies others.
So what do I do? I ignore him of course. I put up a wall so others won't figure me out, that I might be interested. I shut down and concentrate so much on not screwing up that I forget to be myself. I fear I'm not pretty enough or funny enough to hold his attention. I pretend I don't need a man in my life including him. Then another awesome girl swoops in, bats her eyes, compliments his manlihood and they live happily ever after. Ironically, in the end, the version of me that reasons myself into fear of rejection is rejected.
It makes sense in my head. I don't know how to flirt with the guy I actually like becasue he might figure out I like him, or he may not like me, or others might think I like him, or see him reject me. Or he might lead me on. Or he might actually work out. But none of this is certain or truth. It can't be guaranteed. And I just don't think my heart can take anymore. It is better to ignore it so I don't experience rejection. I say I'd rather go to Africa because being single there makes sense. I can move to NY because people don't get married there. If I stay here and can't reel in the guy I respect most then I'll stay here single where people start asking questions about why I'm still single or when am I going to settle down? As if it were my decision.
I already know this blog will sound arrogant but in reality I'm letting you know my biggest weakness. Please don't use it against me! Ready?... is the anticipation setting in?...boys!!!
Arrogant Section:
I really do think I would be a great catch. I like action films,sports, I like to laugh and hate to cry, I'm not the jealous type or clingy, I like a challenge, I'm intelligent, not completely unfortunate looking, I'm a decision maker, leader, follower, I get along with most people, outgoing, like to bake and paint, I run, I eat healthy and hearty, I'm not afraid of confrontation but don't let small things bother me, I'm a good driver and good with directions, I'm not fragile but like the man to be a man, I'm well read, I like college football, love my family, and most of all love God.
I have room for many improvements but the one thing that shuts me down is fear of rejection.
Here's what happens:
I meet someone that is attractive, probably tells a joke, holds a decent conversation, and smiles just because he is a nice guy. Upon observation I find the guy is nice. He befriends those that don't have many friends. He is generous to others. He is active in the Church and I know he loves God. He is humble. Never self-serving. He loves getting to know people. He is adventurous. He's not clingy or a creeper. He's not a flirt. He's a man's man. He loves his family. He is intelligent, encouraging, and edifies others.
So what do I do? I ignore him of course. I put up a wall so others won't figure me out, that I might be interested. I shut down and concentrate so much on not screwing up that I forget to be myself. I fear I'm not pretty enough or funny enough to hold his attention. I pretend I don't need a man in my life including him. Then another awesome girl swoops in, bats her eyes, compliments his manlihood and they live happily ever after. Ironically, in the end, the version of me that reasons myself into fear of rejection is rejected.
It makes sense in my head. I don't know how to flirt with the guy I actually like becasue he might figure out I like him, or he may not like me, or others might think I like him, or see him reject me. Or he might lead me on. Or he might actually work out. But none of this is certain or truth. It can't be guaranteed. And I just don't think my heart can take anymore. It is better to ignore it so I don't experience rejection. I say I'd rather go to Africa because being single there makes sense. I can move to NY because people don't get married there. If I stay here and can't reel in the guy I respect most then I'll stay here single where people start asking questions about why I'm still single or when am I going to settle down? As if it were my decision.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
White Noise
New Things: Raleigh's lighting of the Christmas tree, Mo Joe's, Super 8
Analogy:
White Noise is noise containing many frequencies with equal intensities. It is used to cover up other noises often for rest or soothing effects.
This is what my life sounds like! I'm a student, employee, church member/ servant, volunteer, counselor, mentor, daughter, friend, single, adventurous 27 years old ready to graduate, get a job and stop being single. All of these things scream at me everyday. Noise tells me what to do, how to do it, when to do it, how well I should do it, who I should do it with, and who I should do if for. There are many opinons and they don't always match mine. As overwhelming as this sounds, all of them together lulls me away into rest. But not the real kind of rest, the kind that avoids listening for the frequency that the white noise covers up.
Why do we want white noise to cover up other noises? Are we afraid of its dangers, warnings, or truth? The world often covers up the one thing we should be listening to, God. He does not compete with the other noises but he is constant when we are ready to shut out the others. My status, age, job, and finances are not going to give me answers.
God, break through noise. Let me hear your Word and believe it is true for my life!
Analogy:
White Noise is noise containing many frequencies with equal intensities. It is used to cover up other noises often for rest or soothing effects.
This is what my life sounds like! I'm a student, employee, church member/ servant, volunteer, counselor, mentor, daughter, friend, single, adventurous 27 years old ready to graduate, get a job and stop being single. All of these things scream at me everyday. Noise tells me what to do, how to do it, when to do it, how well I should do it, who I should do it with, and who I should do if for. There are many opinons and they don't always match mine. As overwhelming as this sounds, all of them together lulls me away into rest. But not the real kind of rest, the kind that avoids listening for the frequency that the white noise covers up.
Why do we want white noise to cover up other noises? Are we afraid of its dangers, warnings, or truth? The world often covers up the one thing we should be listening to, God. He does not compete with the other noises but he is constant when we are ready to shut out the others. My status, age, job, and finances are not going to give me answers.
God, break through noise. Let me hear your Word and believe it is true for my life!
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