WARNING: This blog is not for the weary reader!
Ten days ago I was packing up to move to Toronto. It was a no brainer. I was given the opportunity to work with two church plants in Toronto. I had struggled through all the implications of quitting my job, leaving the familiarity of my home, friends, family, stability, ministry. This move was an answer to prayers I have had for about 10 years. I prayed with doubt that a job ever existed that I could go to a big city, live life with people, and not raise support. And now I know, God's purpose is beyond my doubt.
Monday July 1st I set off on the roads with my car packed purposefully and explosively with what I considered worthy of this journey, including my friend Kari. We stopped in Pennsylvania where some of her family stay. Our first stop was at Wilbur's Chocolate Co. which means we know how to start a trip right. Then we stopped by her grandfather's house. What a man of God! He took time to challenge us, encourage us, and pray for us. He prayed specifically for my time in Toronto and for me to find a husband which means a prayer from a man like that, I may be married next week! Then we visited Kari's aunt and uncle where life is care free. But life is not care free. In fact, there is plenty to worry about, but they live their lives enjoying the now, trusting the later, and looking forward to the eternal. It is evident the family loves one another with a selfless love. I'm thankful for my time in Pennsylvania!
Tuesday July 2nd We set off again with my stomach in knots. Moving to Toronto was the least of my worries. I kept telling Kari that I was nervous about the border. I thought I was nervous because I didn't know what to do when I got there. It turns out I was nervous because Canada rejected me... twice! The questions they ask are legit. I understand they don't want me to be a threat to their people or jobs. I thought I had all the right answers: "I'm coming to work with a Church... No, my church in NC is supporting me... Yes, my job is helping the church in Toronto with whatever they need... My job title? Children's director... Yes, I quit my job to come here. No, I didn't get fired... I don't know what I'll do after the year is up. I'll come back to the states and figure it out... No my church in NC doesn't get anything out of supporting me... Yes I understand this is an amazing opportunity." Their response "you can't come in without a medical!" Being the problem solver that I am, I thought it wise to try again as a visitor to the country: strike 2! "Ma'am, we do have the right to ban you from Canada forever. Just go get the medical." So of course the closest doctors they approve are in Canada (which I'm not allowed in) or NYC!
Wednesday July 3rd I call the doctor and make an appointment for Monday 1:30. Great! 5 days in NYC. Kari and I head to NYC. We got a late start so we could rest and get free breakfast at the hotel my boss provided. I'm an idiot. This puts us traveling through NYC 5pm the day before Independence Day! No worries, I'm a wicked driver and Kari is quite the navigator. Somehow we made it through Manhattan, the Holland Tunnel, and Brooklyn where my wonderful friend Alyson is waiting for us. No coincidence that she arrived back from Florida the very hour I needed to come stay with her. Next problem: what to do with a car full of all my possessions in Brooklyn? Alyson found an enclosed lot for the night. She said the guard only let us bring my car in because of my predicament. It was too expensive for my entire stay but it would do for the night.
Thursday July 4th time to say goodbye to Kari. It was almost like it was okay that I had gone through everything because I had the steadfast prayer and calmness of Kari. I couldn't help but cry. But it was so sweet to be able to pray and give thanks for her friendship, who she is, for her and Tyler, for their baby, for the times I'll still need her in my life. We got her a cab, she cried, then she was gone!
Alyson and I went to get my car out of the lot where we met a guy from Nigeria. First thing out of his mouth, "you must be VIP to have your car in here. God takes care of those that have faith in him." Amen! We drove my car to one of her professor's house in New Jersey where they invited us for a quaint bbq. We spent the day talking, eating, laughing, and playing and for a brief moment I forgot I wasn't supposed to be there. His family and grandchildren just naturally fit my idea of a good family day. I am also grateful for their willingness to keep my car at their house in safety!
Friday July 5th I go with Alyson to look for apartments. Without going into details I must say God is unbelievably in every detail. Even is our rash decisions, our doubt, our stubbornness, and the emotional roller coaster that money and deadlines create. It was neat for me to hear Alyson ask for very specific things in her prayer to God and then be able to give thanks with her when those were answered. We are still in the process of trusting God for her apartment but I'm also still in the process of waiting for Canada. So, we're in it together, not alone, not in panic, but in faith!
Saturday July 6th Alyson takes me back to Jersey to join in another bbq and pool party. The purpose is to be with friends but also to minister to some newer friends they had met by serving after Hurricane Sandy. These families lost everything! The only thing they know to trust is what they have and its gone. But they moved on with the help of believers. The day was such an awesome time but mostly because I was able to hear stories of the struggles these families faced in Russia and here and they're still moving forward. I pray Alyson and her friends continue to take every opportunity to share.
Sunday July 7th More apartment negotiating for Alyson. I'll spare you! Oh yeah I also had to get a passport photo id for the doctor. Something as simple as going to the pharmacy I have found a way
to make much more difficult. We go to the first place, they take my photo, and then realize they are out of photo paper (what?). They suggest going to Target. Upon arrival we are told they do not provide that service. Finally, we call WalGreens for confirmation that they have both the service and paper. I get there and the camera stops working, (it's time to laugh)! Just a change of batteries needed, whew! Simplicity is not a friend of mine.
Monday July 8th Doctor Day! Ok so again I got super nervous about going to the doctor. I don't know why. All they will do is take a look at me send my results and be done. I'm a little morbid and thought about the possibility that maybe I went through all of this just so the doctor finds some crazy rare disease that they are able to cure in NYC. We all have our moments. I went in, they took my measurements, pressure, blood and money, then sent me off to get an Xray. Got the Xray and all looks fine! Wonderful! I'm healthy and broke and now have to walk 2 miles back to Alyson's office to let her know Im here another 5 days until the results are in. I realize being "stuck" in NYC is not the worst thing in the world but my heart had been prepared for Toronto for the last few months. I'm a nomad now. I feel lazy, useless, and stuck. I'm in a spiritual journey that has been rocked. I'm suffering doubt, temptations, and self-pity. What a disgusting state to be in.
Tuesday July 9th I'm on my own for the day! I tried to find a team I could help while I'm here but it would seem God gave me some time alone. There is clarity in being alone with God. I'm no longer "stuck" in NYC, I'm in an adventure. God is strengthening my desire to be in Toronto. God is confirming the problems aren't necessary a road block but may be guiding me (I stole this thought from some author). I have been affirmed from all directions, prayed for by people all across America, and able to encourage as well as be encouraged. God is providing for me and placed other believers in my path unexpectedly.
I'm thankful for my week of being homeless. It's taught me to not depend on myself.
Tuesday, July 9, 2013
Saturday, June 22, 2013
A New Chapter
It has been awhile... busy with my list.
I've actually crossed off some things on my list for the year: I've read 35 books so far, rode a train to a new place, ran the diva half marathon and improved my time, went on a cruise and it was the most relaxing vacation ever (with a little romance ;) ), went on a canopy tour, reached my goal weight, and taken a picture for every day so far. I also went to Canada which is the new country I visited.
As if it weren't enough for me to set up all these new challenges, God seemed to think my list was too easy. I will be moving to Canada for a year starting July 2! This blog has now turned into my journey in Toronto. I will be working with two church plants as the childrens' director and serve in the community around. I'm stoked to be going but a new chapter is always bitter sweet. Over the next week I'll take time to tell the story of how God brought me to this place, the struggles, answered prayers, and then eventually I'll be able to share the things God is doing in Toronto once I get up there. I have so much to be thankful for.
Tonight I'm sleepy... good night!
I've actually crossed off some things on my list for the year: I've read 35 books so far, rode a train to a new place, ran the diva half marathon and improved my time, went on a cruise and it was the most relaxing vacation ever (with a little romance ;) ), went on a canopy tour, reached my goal weight, and taken a picture for every day so far. I also went to Canada which is the new country I visited.
As if it weren't enough for me to set up all these new challenges, God seemed to think my list was too easy. I will be moving to Canada for a year starting July 2! This blog has now turned into my journey in Toronto. I will be working with two church plants as the childrens' director and serve in the community around. I'm stoked to be going but a new chapter is always bitter sweet. Over the next week I'll take time to tell the story of how God brought me to this place, the struggles, answered prayers, and then eventually I'll be able to share the things God is doing in Toronto once I get up there. I have so much to be thankful for.
Tonight I'm sleepy... good night!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
More Fun To Be Had
Mmmm Another birthday has gone by. I'm 28! There, I said it! But more importantly, I have another year to live, push myself, conquer fears, learn new things, and make a difference. So I have a made a list of things I would like to accomplish while I'm 28 (Nov 9th 2012 - Nov 8th 2013). Hopefully I can share with you as I complete the list.
(These are in no particular order)
1. Read 100 books
2. Conquer a fear (ride a horse)
3. Learn something new (how to ride a bike)
4. Go to a new country
5. Ride a train to a new place
6. Run the Diva half marathon
7. Ride a motorcycle
8. Swim with dolphins
9. Go on a cruise
10. Take a picture a day for the year
11. Try out for a production in the community theater
12. Canopy Tour
13. Reach and maintain goal weight 135lb
14. Penpal with an overseas soldier
15. I want Ellen DeGeneres to say my name "Lindsay Core"
I'm always open to new challenges. Feel free to add suggestions!
I'll let you know the progress!
(These are in no particular order)
1. Read 100 books
2. Conquer a fear (ride a horse)
3. Learn something new (how to ride a bike)
4. Go to a new country
5. Ride a train to a new place
6. Run the Diva half marathon
7. Ride a motorcycle
8. Swim with dolphins
9. Go on a cruise
10. Take a picture a day for the year
11. Try out for a production in the community theater
12. Canopy Tour
13. Reach and maintain goal weight 135lb
14. Penpal with an overseas soldier
15. I want Ellen DeGeneres to say my name "Lindsay Core"
I'm always open to new challenges. Feel free to add suggestions!
I'll let you know the progress!
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Gentlemen... Start Your Engines!!!
Sorry about the link title...I'm not the most technologically savvy person. But I'm glad that didn't stop you from wanting to read about my friend Erin. Erin, 28, Raleigh, NC!!!
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| Your Welcome Guys!!!!!!! |
I don't really know how to describe someone you've never met so I came up with some helpful lists!
Things she loves!!
God, ministering to the ladies in her life, her family, friends and a good peacan pie.
She and I have known each other for five years now. We are very opposite people, but I appreciate her ability to be herself. She loves planning fun things and meeting new people. She is thoughtful, hospitable, generous, and has always been there for me. The thing I love the most about her is she is super loyal to the people she loves!!! Hard to find someone like her!
Now things she likes to do: NASCAR, Duke basketball, South Carolina Football, a good bon fire, reading biographies, history buff, dancing, traveling, cooking, The Bachelorette, going to Chick-fil-a, and running!!!
She works at a bank and writes curriculum for Sunday School classes but would one day like to also minister full time to young women or be a stay at home mom!
Friday, September 21, 2012
It Just Got Good
I'm back! Sorry it took me so long. I've just been busy having fun! Really I've just been busy. Really I'm just busy.
Aside from that... I don't even know the last time I've sat here with all my thoughts. My mom's cancer threw me for a loop. I think I've been running from my thoughts honestly. But my mom is doing well. She is a strong woman and I've should have known it would take a lot more than ovarian cancer and chemotherapy to keep her down.
The day I heard my mom say "I have cancer", all the good in my life just seemed to fade away. Life became heavy, lethargic, and inevitable. Nothing mattered anymore. At some point I knew I needed to jolt myself back to life. I needed fun. I needed to be able to control something. I needed to feel out of control. I needed to be daring, worldly, and irresponsible! So what did I do? I got a job!
I did get job. I love it! In fact, I bet you wish you had my job! Except for whinny kids, defensive parents, crabby employees, and total panic, I have the dream job! I am the assistant director of tracking out (a youth program) at the YMCA and even the worst day there I come home every day with the best stories. In reality my job really is awesome! I get to love kids, give comfort to parents, assist employees, and live in total chaos!
It doesn't take me long to get antsy. My friend Erin and I went to NYC to visit my other friend Alyson. I had been there once before for New Years and I new I needed to see the city in the warm weather. My first hour there news reports a shooting at the Empire State building (see, I love panic). Alyson is an awesome hostess in showing us the new yorker's way of life.
Favorite things about NYC: 1. Plenty of good looking guys, single, and I think straight. 2. All the Parks are full of life. 3. Good authentic food! 4. People will talk to the wall if it will stand long enough. You always will meet someone interesting. Hi Judy, hope you are doing well! 5. First time to see Broadway- Chicago!! 6. The Shake Shack. 7. Walking makes me feel accomplished. 8. Did I mention the guys? 9. Everything is within a subway ride. 10. Diversity makes me feel cultured.
As fun as NYC is, it is not the thrill seeking adventure I was looking for. I mean millions of people go to NY, duh! Anyone could do that. So one of my best friends, Kari, decided she knew exactly what I needed... to jump out of a plane! And she was right! I can't say much about that experience except it reminds of Grey's Anatomy when Christina and Owen find the air vent that explodes a rush of air from the floor through their hair. Owen says it just helps clear your mind, refreshes you. If you are not a Grey's fan, that's fine, but imagine pure wind rushing through your body as you have 60 seconds to discover everything from hesitation to adventure to purpose to the ground. I didn't feel unsafe as much as I felt like I was finally doing something rather than just talking about doing something. I owe a great deal to Kari, her husband (and my friend) Tyler and his step dad Chris and mom Lisa.
Aside from that... I don't even know the last time I've sat here with all my thoughts. My mom's cancer threw me for a loop. I think I've been running from my thoughts honestly. But my mom is doing well. She is a strong woman and I've should have known it would take a lot more than ovarian cancer and chemotherapy to keep her down.
The day I heard my mom say "I have cancer", all the good in my life just seemed to fade away. Life became heavy, lethargic, and inevitable. Nothing mattered anymore. At some point I knew I needed to jolt myself back to life. I needed fun. I needed to be able to control something. I needed to feel out of control. I needed to be daring, worldly, and irresponsible! So what did I do? I got a job!
I did get job. I love it! In fact, I bet you wish you had my job! Except for whinny kids, defensive parents, crabby employees, and total panic, I have the dream job! I am the assistant director of tracking out (a youth program) at the YMCA and even the worst day there I come home every day with the best stories. In reality my job really is awesome! I get to love kids, give comfort to parents, assist employees, and live in total chaos!
It doesn't take me long to get antsy. My friend Erin and I went to NYC to visit my other friend Alyson. I had been there once before for New Years and I new I needed to see the city in the warm weather. My first hour there news reports a shooting at the Empire State building (see, I love panic). Alyson is an awesome hostess in showing us the new yorker's way of life.
Favorite things about NYC: 1. Plenty of good looking guys, single, and I think straight. 2. All the Parks are full of life. 3. Good authentic food! 4. People will talk to the wall if it will stand long enough. You always will meet someone interesting. Hi Judy, hope you are doing well! 5. First time to see Broadway- Chicago!! 6. The Shake Shack. 7. Walking makes me feel accomplished. 8. Did I mention the guys? 9. Everything is within a subway ride. 10. Diversity makes me feel cultured.
As fun as NYC is, it is not the thrill seeking adventure I was looking for. I mean millions of people go to NY, duh! Anyone could do that. So one of my best friends, Kari, decided she knew exactly what I needed... to jump out of a plane! And she was right! I can't say much about that experience except it reminds of Grey's Anatomy when Christina and Owen find the air vent that explodes a rush of air from the floor through their hair. Owen says it just helps clear your mind, refreshes you. If you are not a Grey's fan, that's fine, but imagine pure wind rushing through your body as you have 60 seconds to discover everything from hesitation to adventure to purpose to the ground. I didn't feel unsafe as much as I felt like I was finally doing something rather than just talking about doing something. I owe a great deal to Kari, her husband (and my friend) Tyler and his step dad Chris and mom Lisa.
Anyways, now I'm back home, things are not chaotic, and I'm back to blogging!
p.s. My brother and sister in law are having another baby. Super exciting! My 2 yr old niece's name is Zooey. So I'm voting for Chlooey if it is a girl and Jooey for a boy!!
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Post Op Clarity
The FACTS:
So my mom had her surgery. The doctors drained 12 gallons of fluid from her stomach. That's right 12 GALLONS. I didn't even know that what possible in a person. "Bless her heart" as they say in Alabama. Both ovaries were removed which were enlarged with stage 3 cancer and they also removed the cancer from the inner lining of the stomach. The doctors says they removed the cancer they could see and they will discuss any further treatments that will help kill possible floating cancer cells.
The WORRY:
You would think my worry is that my mom's cancer was stage 3, but I trust the doctors to not be hiding any facts from my dad. No, my worry is that this will change my mom. She has always been so strong. She's the strong one of her family. She reassures me of things and I'm the strong one of my friends so I know she is a rock. When I went to my grandmother and uncle's funerals last fall I was sad and missed them, but uncontrollable crying was caused by seeing my mom lose it. Her crying was unbearable. I guess I'm afraid mom loses her strength. Even now my mom was the strong one but sooo much has changed with this surgery.
The REALITY:
Fear is not the antithesis of Strength. In fact, The Bible commands us to fear in the Lord and it says the Lord is my strength. My mom has earned a time to not be a rock. Christ is our rock, never changing. We are transformative... she is allowed to be hopeful which implies something that needs hope. Stage 3 cancer is not a death sentence. The reality is stage 3 cancer has not defeated her, she is healed. God is the great healer. Recovery and remission will be difficult mostly because my mom is so stubborn she won't want to "waste" time on herself.
The HOPE:
I was reminded today that as we pray we often pray for God to change us to be more like God. We thank God for peace, understanding, and healing. We are thankful for his love. We cry and raise our fist to God asking him to give mercy in a situation that seems unbearable. And although God is good to answer these prayers and provide for us we miss the point that God is God. The first sin on earth was man's desire to be more like God, to know what God knows instead of worshipping him. My desire for mom to be healed is secondary for my praise to God for being the great love, peace, merciful, all-knowing God that he is.
So my mom had her surgery. The doctors drained 12 gallons of fluid from her stomach. That's right 12 GALLONS. I didn't even know that what possible in a person. "Bless her heart" as they say in Alabama. Both ovaries were removed which were enlarged with stage 3 cancer and they also removed the cancer from the inner lining of the stomach. The doctors says they removed the cancer they could see and they will discuss any further treatments that will help kill possible floating cancer cells.
The WORRY:
You would think my worry is that my mom's cancer was stage 3, but I trust the doctors to not be hiding any facts from my dad. No, my worry is that this will change my mom. She has always been so strong. She's the strong one of her family. She reassures me of things and I'm the strong one of my friends so I know she is a rock. When I went to my grandmother and uncle's funerals last fall I was sad and missed them, but uncontrollable crying was caused by seeing my mom lose it. Her crying was unbearable. I guess I'm afraid mom loses her strength. Even now my mom was the strong one but sooo much has changed with this surgery.
The REALITY:
Fear is not the antithesis of Strength. In fact, The Bible commands us to fear in the Lord and it says the Lord is my strength. My mom has earned a time to not be a rock. Christ is our rock, never changing. We are transformative... she is allowed to be hopeful which implies something that needs hope. Stage 3 cancer is not a death sentence. The reality is stage 3 cancer has not defeated her, she is healed. God is the great healer. Recovery and remission will be difficult mostly because my mom is so stubborn she won't want to "waste" time on herself.
The HOPE:
I was reminded today that as we pray we often pray for God to change us to be more like God. We thank God for peace, understanding, and healing. We are thankful for his love. We cry and raise our fist to God asking him to give mercy in a situation that seems unbearable. And although God is good to answer these prayers and provide for us we miss the point that God is God. The first sin on earth was man's desire to be more like God, to know what God knows instead of worshipping him. My desire for mom to be healed is secondary for my praise to God for being the great love, peace, merciful, all-knowing God that he is.
Monday, June 11, 2012
I'm Scared of Good
I haven't written in awhile because I haven't been able to form words for all the things I've been thinking. So all I can do is say what has happened in my life over the last month.
Almost a month ago I graduated from seminary with a degree in Biblical Counseling. It has taken me 5 years but I know it is God's timing. He has taught me much more than textbooks and teachers can fit in to the semesters. Self-control, hospitality, the importance of letting the Church be family, discipleship, and obedience are some of the things I've practiced. I'm so grateful for the time here but at the same time I was so ready to do what God was preparing me for.
Around the time of graduation casually told a few friends I have a feeling something bad is going to happen. All the worst possibilities came to mind: my family would be in a wreck on the way to visit me or something that would make a good lifetime movie. My friend's advice was to enjoy this time and not wait for the bottom to drop. Good advice but I couldn't shake the feeling.
Now I'm dealing with one of my biggest fears. Last week my mom calls me to tell me she has diagnosed herself with having a mass in her stomach. I knew she had been unhappy for awhile but I couldn't understand what she had been going through. She had lost her brother and mother about a half year ago within 10 weeks. I thought she had been depressed and stressed which was adding to her physical illness. My mom finally went to the doctor.
...The docotrs are moving fast. No time to waste. Something is urgent. In my gut I know it is urgent. The following morning the doctors ran a CAT scan. They are getting answers faster than anticipated. She is seeing an oncologist this week. My mom anticipates surgery within the week. It is happening. Thoughts that I don't expect for another 40 years. My mom is my best friend. I shouldn't have to worry how I'm going to keep moving. My first thought, as selfish as it sounds, was "she'll never meet my future husband or children". I know that thought is about me, but she's been the one person my whole life that has been excited about everything I do. My parents are part of every milestone in my life. I'll need my best friend to tell me to stop being stubborn, to start learning how to flirt, stop being so literal, keep loving people, and that she's proud of me. My mom gets me. She understands that I'm grounded no matter how ridiculous my brain works. I am my mother's daughter...
Nothing has been confirmed. It seems that she has two spots of ccancer. It sounds like surgery should get all of it and chemotherapy should kill the residue. I'm sure my mom will be here the next 40 years at least, but I'm still not okay with the fact she has cancer. The possibilities of cancer are not supposed to be real yet. Fighting this is not supposed to be on my plate.
I know all things work together for the good... There is a fine line of me acting like I've come to grips with things and being completely satisfied with God's will. I can't do either yet!
Almost a month ago I graduated from seminary with a degree in Biblical Counseling. It has taken me 5 years but I know it is God's timing. He has taught me much more than textbooks and teachers can fit in to the semesters. Self-control, hospitality, the importance of letting the Church be family, discipleship, and obedience are some of the things I've practiced. I'm so grateful for the time here but at the same time I was so ready to do what God was preparing me for.
Around the time of graduation casually told a few friends I have a feeling something bad is going to happen. All the worst possibilities came to mind: my family would be in a wreck on the way to visit me or something that would make a good lifetime movie. My friend's advice was to enjoy this time and not wait for the bottom to drop. Good advice but I couldn't shake the feeling.
Now I'm dealing with one of my biggest fears. Last week my mom calls me to tell me she has diagnosed herself with having a mass in her stomach. I knew she had been unhappy for awhile but I couldn't understand what she had been going through. She had lost her brother and mother about a half year ago within 10 weeks. I thought she had been depressed and stressed which was adding to her physical illness. My mom finally went to the doctor.
...The docotrs are moving fast. No time to waste. Something is urgent. In my gut I know it is urgent. The following morning the doctors ran a CAT scan. They are getting answers faster than anticipated. She is seeing an oncologist this week. My mom anticipates surgery within the week. It is happening. Thoughts that I don't expect for another 40 years. My mom is my best friend. I shouldn't have to worry how I'm going to keep moving. My first thought, as selfish as it sounds, was "she'll never meet my future husband or children". I know that thought is about me, but she's been the one person my whole life that has been excited about everything I do. My parents are part of every milestone in my life. I'll need my best friend to tell me to stop being stubborn, to start learning how to flirt, stop being so literal, keep loving people, and that she's proud of me. My mom gets me. She understands that I'm grounded no matter how ridiculous my brain works. I am my mother's daughter...
Nothing has been confirmed. It seems that she has two spots of ccancer. It sounds like surgery should get all of it and chemotherapy should kill the residue. I'm sure my mom will be here the next 40 years at least, but I'm still not okay with the fact she has cancer. The possibilities of cancer are not supposed to be real yet. Fighting this is not supposed to be on my plate.
I know all things work together for the good... There is a fine line of me acting like I've come to grips with things and being completely satisfied with God's will. I can't do either yet!
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