Gentlemen... Start Your Engines!!!

  Sorry about the link title...I'm not the most technologically savvy person. But I'm glad that didn't stop you from wanting to read about my friend Erin.  Erin, 28, Raleigh, NC!!!

Your Welcome Guys!!!!!!!

I don't really know how to describe someone you've never met so I came up with some helpful lists!

 

Things she loves!!

God, ministering to the ladies in her life, her family, friends and a good peacan pie. 

 

 

She and I have known each other for five years now.  We are very opposite people, but I appreciate her ability to be herself.  She loves planning fun things and meeting new people.  She is thoughtful, hospitable, generous,  and has always been there for me.  The thing I love the most about her is she is super loyal to the people she loves!!!  Hard to find someone like her! 

 

Now things she likes to do:  NASCAR, Duke basketball, South Carolina Football, a good bon fire, reading biographies, history buff, dancing, traveling, cooking, The Bachelorette, going to Chick-fil-a, and running!!!

She works at a bank and writes curriculum for Sunday School classes but would one day like to also minister full time to young women or be a stay at home mom!



It Just Got Good

I'm back!  Sorry it took me so long.  I've just been busy having fun!  Really I've just been busy.  Really I'm just busy. 

Aside from that... I don't even know the last time I've sat here with all my thoughts.  My mom's cancer threw me for a loop.  I think I've been running from my thoughts honestly.  But my mom is doing well.  She is a strong woman and I've should have known it would take a lot more than ovarian cancer and chemotherapy to keep her down. 

The day I heard my mom say "I have cancer", all the good in my life just seemed to fade away.  Life became heavy, lethargic, and inevitable.  Nothing mattered anymore.  At some point I knew I needed to jolt myself back to life.  I needed fun.  I needed to be able to control something.  I needed to feel out of control.  I needed to be daring, worldly, and irresponsible!  So what did I do?  I got a job!

I did get job.  I love it!  In fact, I bet you wish you had my job!  Except for whinny kids, defensive parents, crabby employees, and total panic, I have the dream job!  I am the assistant director of tracking out (a youth program) at the YMCA and even the worst day there I come home every day with the best stories.  In reality my job really is awesome!  I get to love kids, give comfort to parents, assist employees, and live in total chaos! 

It doesn't take me long to get antsy.  My friend Erin and I went to NYC to visit my other friend Alyson.  I had been there once before for New Years and I new I needed to see the city in the warm weather.  My first hour there news reports a shooting at the Empire State building (see, I love panic).  Alyson is an awesome hostess in showing us the new yorker's way of life. 
Favorite things about NYC: 1. Plenty of good looking guys, single, and I think straight.  2. All the Parks are full of life.  3. Good authentic food! 4. People will talk to the wall if it will stand long enough.  You always will meet someone interesting.  Hi Judy, hope you are doing well!  5. First time to see Broadway- Chicago!! 6. The Shake Shack.  7.  Walking makes me feel accomplished.  8. Did I mention the guys? 9. Everything is within a subway ride. 10. Diversity makes me feel cultured. 

As fun as NYC is, it is not the thrill seeking adventure I was looking for.  I mean millions of people go to NY, duh!  Anyone could do that.  So one of my best friends, Kari, decided she knew exactly what I needed... to jump out of a plane!  And she was right!  I can't say much about that experience except it reminds of Grey's Anatomy when Christina and Owen find the air vent that explodes a rush of air from the floor through their hair.  Owen says it just helps clear your mind, refreshes you.  If you are not a Grey's fan, that's fine, but imagine pure wind rushing through your body as you have 60 seconds to discover everything from hesitation to adventure to purpose to the ground.  I didn't feel unsafe as much as I felt like I was finally doing something rather than just talking about doing something.  I owe a great deal to Kari, her husband (and my friend) Tyler and his step dad Chris and mom Lisa. 

 

 

Anyways, now I'm back home, things are not chaotic, and I'm back to blogging! 

 

p.s. My brother and sister in law are having another baby.  Super exciting!  My 2 yr old niece's name is Zooey. So I'm voting for Chlooey if it is a girl and Jooey for a boy!!  

Post Op Clarity

The FACTS:
So my mom had her surgery.  The doctors drained 12 gallons of fluid from her stomach.  That's right 12 GALLONS.  I didn't even know that what possible in a person.  "Bless her heart" as they say in Alabama.  Both ovaries were removed which were enlarged with stage 3 cancer and they also removed the cancer from the inner lining of the stomach.  The doctors says they removed the cancer they could see and they will discuss any further treatments that will help kill possible floating cancer cells.

The WORRY:
You would think my worry is that my mom's cancer was stage 3, but I trust the doctors to not be hiding any facts from my dad.  No, my worry is that this will change my mom.  She has always been so strong.  She's the strong one of her family.  She reassures me of things and I'm the strong one of my friends so I know she is a rock.  When I went to my grandmother and uncle's funerals last fall I was sad and missed them, but uncontrollable crying was caused by seeing my mom lose it.  Her crying was unbearable.  I guess I'm afraid mom loses her strength.  Even now my mom was the strong one but sooo much has changed with this surgery.

The REALITY:
Fear is not the antithesis of Strength.  In fact, The Bible commands us to fear in the Lord and it says the Lord is my strength.  My mom has earned a time to not be a rock.  Christ is our rock, never changing.  We are transformative... she is allowed to be hopeful which implies something that needs hope.  Stage 3 cancer is not a death sentence.  The reality is stage 3 cancer has not defeated her, she is healed.  God is the great healer.  Recovery and remission will be difficult mostly because my mom is so stubborn she won't want to "waste" time on herself. 

The HOPE:
I was reminded today that as we pray we often pray for God to change us to be more like God.  We thank God for peace, understanding, and healing.  We are thankful for his love.  We cry and raise our fist to God asking him to give mercy in a situation that seems unbearable.  And although God is good to answer these prayers and provide for us we miss the point that God is God.  The first sin on earth was man's desire to be more like God, to know what God knows instead of worshipping him.  My desire for mom to be healed is secondary for my praise to God for being the great love, peace, merciful, all-knowing God that he is. 

I'm Scared of Good

I haven't written in awhile because I haven't been able to form words for all the things I've been thinking.  So all I can do is say what has happened in my life over the last month. 


Almost a month ago I graduated from seminary with a degree in Biblical Counseling. It has taken me 5 years but I know it is God's timing. He has taught me much more than textbooks and teachers can fit in to the semesters. Self-control, hospitality, the importance of letting the Church be family, discipleship, and obedience are some of the things I've practiced. I'm so grateful for the time here but at the same time I was so ready to do what God was preparing me for.

Around the time of graduation casually told a few friends I have a feeling something bad is going to happen.  All the worst possibilities came to mind: my family would be in a wreck on the way to visit me or something that would make a good lifetime movie.  My friend's advice was to enjoy this time and not wait for the bottom to drop.  Good advice but I couldn't shake the feeling. 

Now I'm dealing with one of my biggest fears.  Last week my mom calls me to tell me she has diagnosed herself with having a mass in her stomach.  I knew she had been unhappy for awhile but I couldn't understand what she had been going through.  She had lost her brother and mother about a half year ago within 10 weeks.  I thought she had been depressed and stressed which was adding to her physical illness.  My mom finally went to the doctor. 

...The docotrs are moving fast.  No time to waste.  Something is urgent.  In my gut I know it is urgent.  The following morning the doctors ran a CAT scan.  They are getting answers faster than anticipated.  She is seeing an oncologist this week.  My mom anticipates surgery within the week.  It is happening.  Thoughts that I don't expect for another 40 years.  My mom is my best friend.  I shouldn't have to worry how I'm going to keep moving.  My first thought, as selfish as it sounds, was "she'll never meet my future husband or children".  I know that thought is about me, but she's been the one person my whole life that has been excited about everything I do.  My parents are part of every milestone in my life.  I'll need my best friend to tell me to stop being stubborn, to start learning how to flirt, stop being so literal, keep loving people, and that she's proud of me.  My mom gets me.  She understands that I'm grounded no matter how ridiculous my brain works.  I am my mother's daughter...

Nothing has been confirmed.  It seems that she has two spots of ccancer.  It sounds like surgery should get all of it and chemotherapy should kill the residue.  I'm sure my mom will be here the next 40 years at least, but I'm still not okay with the fact she has cancer.  The possibilities of cancer are not supposed to be real yet.  Fighting this is not supposed to be on my plate. 

I know all things work together for the good...  There is a fine line of me acting like I've come to grips with things and being completely satisfied with God's will.  I can't do either yet!

You know you want one too

Everyone wants to be a star and the obvious way to do that is make a video.
Enjoy and you're welcome!

(The video is at the end of the post)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAvF2jdwCm4&list=UUrx-Jg2ObUPV2fabjT9CRCg&index=1&feature=plcp

What I Know about Men I Learned from Boys

New Things: Carolina Beach, Finished last school paper ever, new lover of the show LOST, music video

I know nothing about men... clearly.  Luckily, children are extremely transparent.  They are nothing more than smaller versions of us with less maturity and understanding.  So I've decided to acknowledge the truths behind what boys say and do.  The list of truths below are all from kids grades k-5th.


Graham: "I've never seen you dressed up and your hair done. it looks nice"
  Translation: You need to dress up more often.

Ben: "you need to paint your nails"
  Translation: Pay attention to the details
         "I want to marry you...  I don't know why I said that"
   Translation: Men don't always think before they speak

Josh "I'm just mad"
   Translation:  I'm mad that I'm not getting attention from you or that I failed at something.

Gavin- "I ALREADY KNOW!" (but he usually is wrong)
   Translation: I don't want you to tell me I'm wrong.

Andrew- "Please play with me"
  Translation:  Please take an interest in my hobbies.

Landon- "Do you need help with that?"
  Translation: Guys just want to help whether or not you are capable of doing it yourself.

Ben "Can I show you my new card trick"
  Translation: I'm an expert at something and I need to show off.

Kevin "Lindsay you're so cool... sike"
  Translation:  Even the tough guy needs a hug.  He may not be able to express how he feels sincerely

DeAnte 5th grader- "Andrew, give me a high five"  Andrew kindergarten: "NO!"
  Translation: D- needs to be protector and provider. A- likes things his way

Dawson "Why don't you give me food?"
  Translation: A way to a man's heart is through his stomach. 

Touch

New Things: Krispy Kreme Factory, hand selected to be in a parade, two story chick-fil-a (banana pudding milkshake), new friends

I love the new show Touch.  If there are any fans out there you'll understand how a complete random number can link so many different situations together for the purpose of order.  I do not believe the world is random or controlled by a cosmic force.  It is not ordered by karma or numbers.  I do believe God is creator and sustainer of the world.  I do believe he has a purpose.  I do believe today's happenings is proof that God works all things together, and it is for our good, and it is for his purposes. 

My friend Caitlin rode with me to pick up Alex, a girl I mentor, and her younger brother Cam to take them to the Krispy Kreme downtown at the "factory".  On the way to nowhereville, Caitlin and I realized that we were about to enter a small town parade. We made it through just in time so we would not be late to pick up the youngins. 
I knew Caitlin and Alex would have a lot in common but I had no idea how much.  Besides being tall, beautiful and hilarious, they both wanted to be vets until they realized they cut open animals, both have (or will have) paint balloons at their 15th birthday parties, and both have a great ear for good music.  On the way to the Krispy Kreme, Alex requested we try to go through the small town parade to be part of it.  Unfortunately, as we approached the crowd the police created a detour that avoided the parade.  With my awesome navigation skills, I took about 3 wrong turns before I ever got us to our final destination. I turned on Wade, found St. Mary's, and went to Peace which are 3 streets we ventured often today on accident (but that is for later in the story). 
Krispy Kreme created a warm place in my heart.  We all four sat by the window where 1000s of doughnuts are being made on a conveyer belt, enjoying doughnuts while wearing our paper hats they gave us.  I wore the hat thinking I'm probably too old but its for the kids.  After we took a moment to appreciate the millions of calories we consumed we made our way back to the kid's house. 
At the house all my worse fears were faced.  I had pet their miniature horse but now their real size horse was sniffing around, not cool.  On top of that, the mother asked if we would like to go up the barn to see the king snake they found this morning right after she told us it was in strike position.  I feel like these are not fears I have to face.  They do not debilitate my daily functioning.  However, the miniature horse does like me and came to stand by me.  Then we started to leave and the mother asked us if we knew anything about plants.  No! Neither one of us know anything about plants but both of us thought of our friend Sarah who knows everything about plants.  The mom invited all 3 of us to come to their home next weekend for a cookout.  yes please!

Next part of the day.  Caitlin, Erin, Paul and I were supposed to meet up with some friends at the       Q-Grass where there is Bluegrass music and bbq eatins.  But then it started to rain and all plans went out the window.  So Paul called some of his friends to meet us and the friend we were supposed to meet stayed at the Q-Grass. We made our way to St. Marys (if you remember)  because we had already gotten lost there once today which helped us find our way to the mother of all chick-fil-as.  CFA was two stories with an elevator, a revolving door and the most awesome kiddy tables.  We met some of Paul's friends there.  One of them knows our friend Sarah that was mentioned before and also Katherine.  Then we made the connection that Rachel is the girl that went with Katherine to one of our church's small groups this past semester.  The other friend of Paul's, it turns out, was born in Birmingham AL, which is where I'm from but lived in Chicago IL prior to moving here which is where I would love to live.  Lastly, Kevin's RA in college is my employee at the Y.  After, we decided to go to see the new addition to the natural science museum. In the streets were vendors, booths, people, music and then a stranger approached Paul and asked... "Would you like to be in a parade?"                       

 WHAT?!!!  I've been trying to be in a parade all day.  Once we started I felt silly, but hey "it's for the kids." There you have it, we were all a part as very big plant gods. Ironically, I helped carry a god that represents creation of God. Whatever, I was in a parade.  We never made it to the museum.  We got back on Wade and Peace (from earlier) and went to a coffee shop where we finally got to hang out with the person we were originally going to meet at the Q-Grass. 

Now I am sitting at Sarah's house.  The girl the family from this morning needs to meet and the new friend from the afternoon that already knows her. 

I think relationships were being built today that will have a lasting impact.  I think the things we did and the people we spent time with were on purpose even if it was against our purpose.  God created order from chaos. No matter how chaotic my life seems, when I question how can things ever work out, or when I doubt, I will know God has created order.