I recently was in a class where we discussed the evidence of biblical remorse and forgiveness. Today I witnessed and experienced this very thing.
At work today a father came to pick up his sweet little 1st grade girl who is brand new to our program. The counselors from the playground announced she is on her way to the cafeteria but that she is upset about something and is unable to talk about it between the uncontrollable crying and shallow breaths. I met her in the hallway to try and talk to her before she could get to dad. Fortunately I'm fluent in hysterical girl speak. It turns out, as she was coming down the slide a boy had ransomed her shoes, running around the playground where he eventually threw them to the other side of the playground in which she was left to retrieve on her own. What a great way to welcome the new girl. Unfortunately, she knows no names, remembers no details, and told no counselors. But I made it my mission to find out who it was and make it right.
I figured I could reasonably narrow down the list of the guilty.
I made my way to the playground, asked the counselors if they had seen anything then perused around until I could find my first victim. A young care free lad was making his way up the slide just as a young girl was attempting to appreciate the value of gravity in the use of the slide. Collision!! What does this boy do? He shoves the girl off the rest of the slide so he may continue his defiance against gravity to the top of the play area. At the top of the play area he preys on his next victim. Immediately, the young stallion has his arms wrapped around his victim modeling the motions of the heimlick maneuver. I called down the boy for a heart to heart.
Here is the conversation (changed names to protect the not so innocent):
Me: "Hey buddy! Did you see anyone running around the playground with shoes in their hands?"
Andy: "I don't even know her"
Me: "I didn't say anything about a 'her'. Who are you talking about?"
Andy: "What? I don't know"
Me: "Why did you say something about a girl? I was asking about shoes!"
Andy: "I didn't do anything!! (long pause) Ok fine I did it!!!"
Me: "What did you do?"
Andy: "I went up the slide"
Me: "Then what?"
Andy: "I touched her shoes"
Me: "And?"
Andy: "Her shoes fell off and I just grabbed them"
Me: "And then what happened?"
Andy: "I ran around with her shoes and then put them down nicely when I saw her crying. I just ran away. I couldn't take her crying"
Me: "Did you know she was upset because you took her shoes?"
Andy: "No"
Me: "Did you know she was telling her daddy someone was being mean to her? I think instead of time out it would be good for you to apologize tomorrow. Can you do that?"
Andy: "What?!! I feel like such a jerk now (hands on his head with tears welling up)!! I can't stand this. I'm such a jerk! I'm putting myself in time out. I just need some time. I'm such a jerk. How could I do this to her?"
Bless his heart. We talked about how his being upset showed me that he really cares about other people. And even though it was hard, his honesty is good. We talked about the fact that when we are upset about the things we do it is our brains way of telling us we need to change something so we can care about others better. So really... being upset can help you make better choices.
We'll see how the apology goes tomorrow. Hopefully the forgiveness is just as sincere.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Who Got the Funk?
New Things: Auctioned 3 paintings at my church's aution for missions, decided I would be a good waitress if needed, after much prayer a few jobs are starting to become apparent as possibilities.
"Bad news bears" is a way to describe my attitude this past week. I could tell you the hundreds of things I had to do that had me running around crazy. I could tell you all the insane things the kids were doing at work that made me want to pull my hair out. I could complain about the things I volunteered to do that ended up being a waste of time. I could justify my reaction to friends that were being thoughtless and inconsiderate. I could blame my body, being exhausted, and needing coffee. I could pretend that it's everyone else. BUT let's be honest my bad attitude is all my fault.
I've been struggling spiritually for awhile now but this past week was the culmination of it all. I do my school work, I read Scripture, I pray, I meet with people to counsel, I am a mentor, I help lead our small groups at church, I serve where is needed or requested, I speak the truth, I meet with friends, I work with kids that are struggling with their behaviors, I work with parents struggling with their kids, I am everything to every person as much I can. I am actively finding ways to honor God with my time. And then I get burned out and decide I need rest. I need a break. But I can't take a break. I can't just stop my life, let those people down, walk away. So I form this attitude that tells the world I deserve rest because of all the things I do. I deserve recognition because I'm fighting through this struggle. I'm spiritually drained but yet I'm giving myself up for all the things I do. I am physically and spiritually sick.
The words of my mouth have become bitter and distasteful. I'm coming to church wishing I were anywhere else. I read my Bible searching for "the way out" that 1 Cor 10:13 promises when facing temptations. I'm fighting a losing battle.
It occurred to me Sunday what I should have been battling: idolatry. I was losing the battle because I was fighting the wrong thing. I was battling other people, circumstances, things that are not mine to control. In reality, although God has still been central to my life, I have limited him to be one of many gods in my life. I was praying to the god of marriage, the god of career, the god of rest, the god of the past, the god of the future, the god of success, the god of approval, the god of purity, the god of contentment. I want all of these things. I know God is truly sovereign over each struggle but somehow I was trying to get these things without humbly going before God and seeking him.
Once I realized my idolatry, it made since that I have been working on my own power to do everything. No wonder I've been exhausted at trying so hard with little results. Last week revealed that I am not enough, I need God. Neglecting God drove me to funkytown. Worst roadtrip ever! Good to be back.
"Bad news bears" is a way to describe my attitude this past week. I could tell you the hundreds of things I had to do that had me running around crazy. I could tell you all the insane things the kids were doing at work that made me want to pull my hair out. I could complain about the things I volunteered to do that ended up being a waste of time. I could justify my reaction to friends that were being thoughtless and inconsiderate. I could blame my body, being exhausted, and needing coffee. I could pretend that it's everyone else. BUT let's be honest my bad attitude is all my fault.
I've been struggling spiritually for awhile now but this past week was the culmination of it all. I do my school work, I read Scripture, I pray, I meet with people to counsel, I am a mentor, I help lead our small groups at church, I serve where is needed or requested, I speak the truth, I meet with friends, I work with kids that are struggling with their behaviors, I work with parents struggling with their kids, I am everything to every person as much I can. I am actively finding ways to honor God with my time. And then I get burned out and decide I need rest. I need a break. But I can't take a break. I can't just stop my life, let those people down, walk away. So I form this attitude that tells the world I deserve rest because of all the things I do. I deserve recognition because I'm fighting through this struggle. I'm spiritually drained but yet I'm giving myself up for all the things I do. I am physically and spiritually sick.
The words of my mouth have become bitter and distasteful. I'm coming to church wishing I were anywhere else. I read my Bible searching for "the way out" that 1 Cor 10:13 promises when facing temptations. I'm fighting a losing battle.
It occurred to me Sunday what I should have been battling: idolatry. I was losing the battle because I was fighting the wrong thing. I was battling other people, circumstances, things that are not mine to control. In reality, although God has still been central to my life, I have limited him to be one of many gods in my life. I was praying to the god of marriage, the god of career, the god of rest, the god of the past, the god of the future, the god of success, the god of approval, the god of purity, the god of contentment. I want all of these things. I know God is truly sovereign over each struggle but somehow I was trying to get these things without humbly going before God and seeking him.
Once I realized my idolatry, it made since that I have been working on my own power to do everything. No wonder I've been exhausted at trying so hard with little results. Last week revealed that I am not enough, I need God. Neglecting God drove me to funkytown. Worst roadtrip ever! Good to be back.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Making a Career out of Prayer
New Things: First time to write two blogs in one sitting
Ever since college I have had a clear passion to work in inner city ministry. I came to seminary seeking to be trained in counseling so I would be biblically prepared to give sound counsel and hope to those that are not always in the Church's radar. It brought tears to my eyes to see the Church's support in the Dean Road's ministry in college. Parents were getting out of jail, getting jobs, going to church, singing children's choir songs with their children, joining us in bible club, coming to upward basketball games, hearing the gospel. There was such much more that I needed to do but didn't know how.
Once I got to seminary, I began to sift through my options as a biblical counselor. Not many for the female population and even fewer in the Church. I do not oppose the Baptist stance on men pastors but I do understand there is not much opportunity. As I traveled my desire to be in the inner city grew as I experienced bigger cities and more people. I was not going to hate God sending me to New York, Chicago, Seattle, or even Africa. I just want to be with people. I got the question all the time "What are you going to do after school?" As always I would say "Live life with people".
I began to seriously pray about some of my concerns about finding a job that allow me to do what I believe God has gifted me to do and given me a passion for. Most ministries I have researched required me to raise my own support. I am not against raising money for ministry but I am terrible at it. And even though God can stretch me in my faith, I right now do not feel like God is asking me to do that. I also really desired a big city where I could work a full time job with benefits. I don't need a lot of money but I do desire to be a big girl and not rely on my parents for anything financially out of honor for their service to me. They have given so much to me and did so gladly because they support my education and desires in ministry. But bless their hearts if I didn't recognize their sacrifice for me.
Up until last week I had no leads on a job. I had some ideas of places I could apply. I didn't really want to stay at the YMCA mostly because I see what a full time position there does to a person's schedule. I was just hoping God would show up. He knew I was struggling. I'm fearful of what's after school. I'm fearful of failing or not figuring it out. But God was so good this week. Within 24 hrs I had a boss and professor suggest to me and recommend that I apply for full time positions they had heard about. Even if neither were actually possibilities, it is so good to know God is concerned with what I'm concerned. He has not forgotten my worries.
I prefer one of the jobs over the other just because it really would fit within the specifics I have brought before God about a future job. It would definitely fit within the realm of my dream job. I would be blessed and challenged. However the other job is the unknown and unfamiliar. I don't have as much experience but it may be even better than what I can imagine. I'm just grateful God is in my struggle with me.
All this to say, my prayer is what has kept in a state of thanksgiving when I could be freakin out. My prayers remind me to that God is working in the things that matter to me and worry me. He is sovereign in my circumstances. He has a plan and a means. He is God who answers.
Ever since college I have had a clear passion to work in inner city ministry. I came to seminary seeking to be trained in counseling so I would be biblically prepared to give sound counsel and hope to those that are not always in the Church's radar. It brought tears to my eyes to see the Church's support in the Dean Road's ministry in college. Parents were getting out of jail, getting jobs, going to church, singing children's choir songs with their children, joining us in bible club, coming to upward basketball games, hearing the gospel. There was such much more that I needed to do but didn't know how.
Once I got to seminary, I began to sift through my options as a biblical counselor. Not many for the female population and even fewer in the Church. I do not oppose the Baptist stance on men pastors but I do understand there is not much opportunity. As I traveled my desire to be in the inner city grew as I experienced bigger cities and more people. I was not going to hate God sending me to New York, Chicago, Seattle, or even Africa. I just want to be with people. I got the question all the time "What are you going to do after school?" As always I would say "Live life with people".
I began to seriously pray about some of my concerns about finding a job that allow me to do what I believe God has gifted me to do and given me a passion for. Most ministries I have researched required me to raise my own support. I am not against raising money for ministry but I am terrible at it. And even though God can stretch me in my faith, I right now do not feel like God is asking me to do that. I also really desired a big city where I could work a full time job with benefits. I don't need a lot of money but I do desire to be a big girl and not rely on my parents for anything financially out of honor for their service to me. They have given so much to me and did so gladly because they support my education and desires in ministry. But bless their hearts if I didn't recognize their sacrifice for me.
Up until last week I had no leads on a job. I had some ideas of places I could apply. I didn't really want to stay at the YMCA mostly because I see what a full time position there does to a person's schedule. I was just hoping God would show up. He knew I was struggling. I'm fearful of what's after school. I'm fearful of failing or not figuring it out. But God was so good this week. Within 24 hrs I had a boss and professor suggest to me and recommend that I apply for full time positions they had heard about. Even if neither were actually possibilities, it is so good to know God is concerned with what I'm concerned. He has not forgotten my worries.
I prefer one of the jobs over the other just because it really would fit within the specifics I have brought before God about a future job. It would definitely fit within the realm of my dream job. I would be blessed and challenged. However the other job is the unknown and unfamiliar. I don't have as much experience but it may be even better than what I can imagine. I'm just grateful God is in my struggle with me.
All this to say, my prayer is what has kept in a state of thanksgiving when I could be freakin out. My prayers remind me to that God is working in the things that matter to me and worry me. He is sovereign in my circumstances. He has a plan and a means. He is God who answers.
Mute Sheep
New things: Kumquats, dark chocolate edamame, Salt water taffy (I need to try something besides foods), NCAA Bracket
I really have no way of explaining a comment like "mute sheep". You just had to be there. You get 7 girls in circle talking about life, scary cats, and mute sheep and there's no telling what the point of it all is. But the thing I appreciate about these 7 girls is the ease in conversation. New jobs, stresses in life, friends that don't know God. We can laugh, tease, dance, drink coffee, challenge one another, ask questions, speak truth, and in the end there's no place I'd rather be. We sat there for hours talking, knowing each other. There is a point to these conversations but I'm pretty sure you would be jealous.
I have always been blessed to have a group of girls that I know will always be there, support me and love me no matter where I am. I grew up with a group of girls in Birmingham that in every way possible clashed except for the fact we fit perfectly. I have been in most of their weddings. I hope they'll be in mine. I'm visiting on the holidays stoked to see their children or homes while we gather to truly fellowship and know one another again. Now that I'm off in a new state, I'm not forgotten. They check up on me, love me in crisis, and are eager for my graduation. I love you b'ham girls.
In college, I a few groups of friends. All were highly infuential in my life for one reason or another. I was in some of those weddings too. Besides my college roommate I don't keep up with many of my college friends but for that time in my life they were God sent. College transformed my life. The Church took on a whole new meaning in the way I dealt with sin in my life. I experienced things that I have yet to get over. My degree was one of the least important things that I gained from college. My college roommate was also a friend from Birmingham. During college she became a sister. We experienced so many things together, distance will never change that. I'm thankful for such solid friends.
I moved to NC for seminary. Leaving home that time was more difficult. I knew I was leaving people that loved and supported me but I had to have faith I was being obedient. I moved in to my dorm (which was disgusting and the first time I ever lived in a dorm), said bye to my dad, and all alone. The next day I got ready for orientation, joined the other few hundred newbies and felt alone... for about an hour. Loneliness was never a strong suit of mine. I picked out a girl to be friends with and said "I don't have any friends here yet, wanna be friends?" She said "yeah, I like your shoes". Match made. She, her roommate and I started searching for a church. We met a few other girls on the way and soon formed the Fab Five. Five turned into many like-minded girls ready to take on Raleigh. As we branched out as we met others, some are married, one having a child, all out of school (me in May). Jobs will take us different places. Our futures are still ahead of us. I've lived here for 5 years now and have a group of girls that I crave to spend time with. I'm incredibly blessed to have the support, encouragement and love.
I'm so thankful for all my friend near and far. I hope my friends know I think of them often and pray for them. I want nothing less than the goodness of God in their lives. There is such beauty in my friends because I know they are a gift from God.
I really have no way of explaining a comment like "mute sheep". You just had to be there. You get 7 girls in circle talking about life, scary cats, and mute sheep and there's no telling what the point of it all is. But the thing I appreciate about these 7 girls is the ease in conversation. New jobs, stresses in life, friends that don't know God. We can laugh, tease, dance, drink coffee, challenge one another, ask questions, speak truth, and in the end there's no place I'd rather be. We sat there for hours talking, knowing each other. There is a point to these conversations but I'm pretty sure you would be jealous.
I have always been blessed to have a group of girls that I know will always be there, support me and love me no matter where I am. I grew up with a group of girls in Birmingham that in every way possible clashed except for the fact we fit perfectly. I have been in most of their weddings. I hope they'll be in mine. I'm visiting on the holidays stoked to see their children or homes while we gather to truly fellowship and know one another again. Now that I'm off in a new state, I'm not forgotten. They check up on me, love me in crisis, and are eager for my graduation. I love you b'ham girls.
In college, I a few groups of friends. All were highly infuential in my life for one reason or another. I was in some of those weddings too. Besides my college roommate I don't keep up with many of my college friends but for that time in my life they were God sent. College transformed my life. The Church took on a whole new meaning in the way I dealt with sin in my life. I experienced things that I have yet to get over. My degree was one of the least important things that I gained from college. My college roommate was also a friend from Birmingham. During college she became a sister. We experienced so many things together, distance will never change that. I'm thankful for such solid friends.
I moved to NC for seminary. Leaving home that time was more difficult. I knew I was leaving people that loved and supported me but I had to have faith I was being obedient. I moved in to my dorm (which was disgusting and the first time I ever lived in a dorm), said bye to my dad, and all alone. The next day I got ready for orientation, joined the other few hundred newbies and felt alone... for about an hour. Loneliness was never a strong suit of mine. I picked out a girl to be friends with and said "I don't have any friends here yet, wanna be friends?" She said "yeah, I like your shoes". Match made. She, her roommate and I started searching for a church. We met a few other girls on the way and soon formed the Fab Five. Five turned into many like-minded girls ready to take on Raleigh. As we branched out as we met others, some are married, one having a child, all out of school (me in May). Jobs will take us different places. Our futures are still ahead of us. I've lived here for 5 years now and have a group of girls that I crave to spend time with. I'm incredibly blessed to have the support, encouragement and love.
I'm so thankful for all my friend near and far. I hope my friends know I think of them often and pray for them. I want nothing less than the goodness of God in their lives. There is such beauty in my friends because I know they are a gift from God.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Cookie Dough makes Everything Better
New Things: The Oxford, Got a planner and using it, Relish Restaurant
Today = Bad day... that is if I let it be a bad day.
We are out of control. I have no authority. I have only options I may present in any given situation but the options are only possibilities. One of my biggest fears is the children at work will one day realize I have no control over them. Once they know my limitations I'm sure they'll go "Lord of the Flies" on me. I resort to punishment or discipline but with hopes of change with little expectation. Today was one of those days!
I go to work (and my fault) I forget to set up someone to open with me. Kinda unsafe with the amount of responsibilities there is to open the program. Then the typical few kids that talk back, act out, get aggressive, and stubborn!! In frustration, I sit them down and make them listen to me (the ultimate punishment). I leave work in the morning, get in my car, and pick up my bag to look for my phone. The genius that I am pick it up by the zipper and it breaks off... awesome! Then I drive to starbucks with hopes of caffeine just before I start track out with 28 5 year olds.
On my way to track out all I could do was pray "God, please help me control my attitude" because I know that's all I can offer. I can't control the kids, my coffee, a broken purse, or work. I have to be obedient to God for my actions and trust in God for others' actions. And when things don't go according to plan, I check my heart, seek God, speak Truth and then let it go.
As my day went on, I lost my voice, got a crick in my neck, and dealt with crazy kids' parents. Nothing got better except my attitude... and it my attitude said I needed cookie dough.
Today = Bad day... that is if I let it be a bad day.
We are out of control. I have no authority. I have only options I may present in any given situation but the options are only possibilities. One of my biggest fears is the children at work will one day realize I have no control over them. Once they know my limitations I'm sure they'll go "Lord of the Flies" on me. I resort to punishment or discipline but with hopes of change with little expectation. Today was one of those days!
I go to work (and my fault) I forget to set up someone to open with me. Kinda unsafe with the amount of responsibilities there is to open the program. Then the typical few kids that talk back, act out, get aggressive, and stubborn!! In frustration, I sit them down and make them listen to me (the ultimate punishment). I leave work in the morning, get in my car, and pick up my bag to look for my phone. The genius that I am pick it up by the zipper and it breaks off... awesome! Then I drive to starbucks with hopes of caffeine just before I start track out with 28 5 year olds.
On my way to track out all I could do was pray "God, please help me control my attitude" because I know that's all I can offer. I can't control the kids, my coffee, a broken purse, or work. I have to be obedient to God for my actions and trust in God for others' actions. And when things don't go according to plan, I check my heart, seek God, speak Truth and then let it go.
As my day went on, I lost my voice, got a crick in my neck, and dealt with crazy kids' parents. Nothing got better except my attitude... and it my attitude said I needed cookie dough.
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