New Things: Fed a horse (a miniature horse), Finished The Scarlet Letter
The woman that says "I'll pencil you in" is dressed in a grey pencil skirt that fits just below the knees with a white button down blouse tucked in and a matching grey blazor to fit on top. Maybe ruby red pumps with a matching thin belt clasped at the high waste of the skirt. Her hair is definitely blonde, pulled back in a bun, no bangs, with a part on the side. Her skin is white as snow, kissed with a hint of blush, and glossed lips with a bold red that lets you know when she speaks, you need to listen. Her eyebrows are perfectly arched or maybe tattooed. Her eyes pierce your soul when she addresses you but her voice is calm and steady. She is confident, organized, and oriented for success. She is not me!!
Then there is a woman that says "See ya later". She has no cares, no calendars, appointments, or responsiblities. She is a free bird. Maybe a squatter. Definitely a mooch. She usually lets her hair air dry to allow the natural curl or wave to take over the tangled locks. Some make up may be used to cover the imperfections, but not enough to all anyone to believe make up is a necessity. She decorates her body with giant gold earrings and bangles, a green or yellow scarf around her head and some kind of bohemian dress that follows the earth tone color palette. She is probably barefoot or at the least flip flops with no nails painted. Experiencing life is more valuable than success. She works for a cause but is not personal. She is not me!
Finally, there is a woman that says "Let's get coffee". She plans but refuses to be bound to the limitations of time. She works hard to make the lives of others better. It may be a laugh, a piece of art, getting coffee, going for a jog, spending time together, giving advice or raw honesty. She is down to earth. She doesn't like to be flashy but loves adventure. She's everything to everyone. She can hang with "pencil you in" or "see ya later" women but perfers to not be an appointment or fleeting thought. She wears dark washed holy jeans with a white v neck t-shirt. A cool scarf and hat adds to her spunk. There is touch of antiuity, locket or classic novel, that gives her an appreciation of ancestory. She is charming and welcoming to all. She is who I want to be.
With all my heart I just want "to get coffee" but lately I've found myself "penciling in you". My life has been reduced to 50 min appointments as I try to fit in the counseling appointments, mentoring, work, work meetings, church, leadership meetings, small group meetings, teaching, studying, babysitting, service, parties, friends, and school starts next week. With all this going on, I curl up in a ball and choose to become "see ya later" girl. Give up on all the people that are trying to see me. I need Lindsay time, my book, coffee, painting earbuds and nothing else. No wonder women are so complex! The more simple I want to be, life finds a way to pull me in three directions. Good luck guys, you'll never figure me out!
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Kids Say the Darndest Things
New Things: Making woopie pies, taking medicine
I don't remember at what point I stopped thinking like a child. There must be a moment when the raw truth became more embarrassing than natural. When I realized that truth brings out insecurities or somehow robbed me of getting what I wanted. It somehow is socially unacceptable to be completely honest while at the same time it is un-Christian to be anything less.
The women in my family yield the truth to no one, but it is the young girls in my family that have taught me the freedom in truth.
My niece Zooey, is so precious. I'm not a mother but she makes me want to be one. She is about 1 1/2 years old so truth is mere reality as far as she can understand it at this point. She has learned well the importance of prayer and the courtesy of "thank you" although sometimes both are used at the wrong time (I guess prayer can never be a wrong time, but blessing before dinner turns into intermittent prayers throughout dinner). Her newest trick is "poopy time". She is learning to use the potty and gets super excited that she has learned to identify "poopy time" as the actual time. Once the event has come to fruition she yells there is great appaulse and celebration for this truth that otherwise seem crude. Yet we boast in her honesty and accomplishments. I'm so proud of my Zooey! (No sarcasm, for real, she's awesome!!)
My youngest counsin is the poster child for romance taboo. Brea is probably one of the most honest, out going, energetic ball of fun you'll ever meet. I admire her for her ability to be vulnerable and persistent. She is a real go getter. I believe with all my heart, the world will not be able to smite Brea from being great. She is fearless. However, she has broken every rule there is in the romance area. Brea, at the ripe age of 7, has now been in love with the same boy for 2 years. In adult world, this is normal or accepted but mostly because we girls will hold these emotions in our vaults of secrecy and die before we ever let the boy know he is the peanut butter to my jelly. But not Brea! Day 1 she walks up to (said boy) and announces her love for him. The first time I heard about (said boy), Brea tells me "I love him but he doesn't love me. I just need to wear him down." That girl has real gumption. She doesn't allow for the chase or maybe she understands there is no chase. She is always available and leaves no mystery. She doesn't mind wearing the pants in the relationship. I'm sure by now he has seen their wedding plans in her drawing notebook. If he has escaped their future children's names discussion he is doing well. In the end, Brea loves him and that alone makes her happy.
As far as I can tell there is no shame in celebrating in your victories or showing how much you love someone.
I don't remember at what point I stopped thinking like a child. There must be a moment when the raw truth became more embarrassing than natural. When I realized that truth brings out insecurities or somehow robbed me of getting what I wanted. It somehow is socially unacceptable to be completely honest while at the same time it is un-Christian to be anything less.
The women in my family yield the truth to no one, but it is the young girls in my family that have taught me the freedom in truth.
My niece Zooey, is so precious. I'm not a mother but she makes me want to be one. She is about 1 1/2 years old so truth is mere reality as far as she can understand it at this point. She has learned well the importance of prayer and the courtesy of "thank you" although sometimes both are used at the wrong time (I guess prayer can never be a wrong time, but blessing before dinner turns into intermittent prayers throughout dinner). Her newest trick is "poopy time". She is learning to use the potty and gets super excited that she has learned to identify "poopy time" as the actual time. Once the event has come to fruition she yells there is great appaulse and celebration for this truth that otherwise seem crude. Yet we boast in her honesty and accomplishments. I'm so proud of my Zooey! (No sarcasm, for real, she's awesome!!)
My youngest counsin is the poster child for romance taboo. Brea is probably one of the most honest, out going, energetic ball of fun you'll ever meet. I admire her for her ability to be vulnerable and persistent. She is a real go getter. I believe with all my heart, the world will not be able to smite Brea from being great. She is fearless. However, she has broken every rule there is in the romance area. Brea, at the ripe age of 7, has now been in love with the same boy for 2 years. In adult world, this is normal or accepted but mostly because we girls will hold these emotions in our vaults of secrecy and die before we ever let the boy know he is the peanut butter to my jelly. But not Brea! Day 1 she walks up to (said boy) and announces her love for him. The first time I heard about (said boy), Brea tells me "I love him but he doesn't love me. I just need to wear him down." That girl has real gumption. She doesn't allow for the chase or maybe she understands there is no chase. She is always available and leaves no mystery. She doesn't mind wearing the pants in the relationship. I'm sure by now he has seen their wedding plans in her drawing notebook. If he has escaped their future children's names discussion he is doing well. In the end, Brea loves him and that alone makes her happy.
As far as I can tell there is no shame in celebrating in your victories or showing how much you love someone.
Monday, January 16, 2012
At the Least, I'm Great
New Things: Went to Pullen Park and rode a carousel, ran 4 miles first time this year
I received an email from my daddy yesterday. It was one of those moments that you know you'll remember so you can tell your children one day about "the time your granddaddy taught me how to be great".
The letter is actually quoting my great grandfather's letter to my grandfather on his high school graduation. My great grandfather Earl Core was a man of greatness even in the worldly sense. He has worked with presidents, he was a botanist and professor at WVU, and discovered plants in Columbia to make Quinine to treat malaria for soldiers at war. But his impressive resume was not in the stories I heard growing up. I knew of a man that invited foreign exchange students to his home for the holidays, he married his true love that had no more than a 6th grade education, he loved God and his family. This man taught my paw paw Merle to be great, my dad to be great, and now my brother is great. I am so fortunate to be part of a family that understands God's definiton of greatness, "And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as they had need." Acts 2:45.
Here is an exerpt of the brilliant words of Earl Core, great grandfather, and sentiments of Mike Core, daddy, that led to my increased desire to be great!
"The truly great person is the one who carries more than his share of the burden. Many people because of mental or physical handicaps are dependent on society for a livelihood. The great bulk of the population makes its own way and no more, giving nothing. The few who are truly great are those who carry their own loads, and in addition, contribute to the general welfare of society. Columbus, Shakespeare, Edison, Bell, Washington, Beethoven, Rembrandt, Pasteur, Confucius, Livingston are men who left the world a little richer than they found it. I expect my children to be truly great."
I received an email from my daddy yesterday. It was one of those moments that you know you'll remember so you can tell your children one day about "the time your granddaddy taught me how to be great".
The letter is actually quoting my great grandfather's letter to my grandfather on his high school graduation. My great grandfather Earl Core was a man of greatness even in the worldly sense. He has worked with presidents, he was a botanist and professor at WVU, and discovered plants in Columbia to make Quinine to treat malaria for soldiers at war. But his impressive resume was not in the stories I heard growing up. I knew of a man that invited foreign exchange students to his home for the holidays, he married his true love that had no more than a 6th grade education, he loved God and his family. This man taught my paw paw Merle to be great, my dad to be great, and now my brother is great. I am so fortunate to be part of a family that understands God's definiton of greatness, "And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as they had need." Acts 2:45.
Here is an exerpt of the brilliant words of Earl Core, great grandfather, and sentiments of Mike Core, daddy, that led to my increased desire to be great!
"The truly great person is the one who carries more than his share of the burden. Many people because of mental or physical handicaps are dependent on society for a livelihood. The great bulk of the population makes its own way and no more, giving nothing. The few who are truly great are those who carry their own loads, and in addition, contribute to the general welfare of society. Columbus, Shakespeare, Edison, Bell, Washington, Beethoven, Rembrandt, Pasteur, Confucius, Livingston are men who left the world a little richer than they found it. I expect my children to be truly great."
Those that live for themselves are living with little purpose. They either hoard it all, live in fear, without hope, scraping to succeed or find the one thing they can't live without all to find in the end it wasn't worth the journey. But the brave few that ache inside for the burdens of others, they spend their lives trying to love others with no return accept for finding true love. Nothing is lost and much is gained in finding this love. They understand possessions, status, and luxuries are only lended to us in order to save the lives of those that lost it. It is God that is great! And those that know and love him are truly great.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Victory in Vulnerability
New Things: Bowled a 165, new show "Whitney" is the story of my life
Today I met with a girl to work on some things she desires to improve in her life. She is a very intelligent student, has a big heart, loves horses, the most productive person I've met, and completely vulnerable to the possibilities of improvement. As I listened to her today I realized that I am completely settled in myself even though I am not necessarily confident. Although there are things I would like to change, I'm lazily satisfied with my current condition. It occurred to me that although we don't have a lot in common, our biggest difference is her ability to be vulnerable. So here is my first step... TOP 10 THINGS I NEED TO SHARE TO CONSIDER MYSELF VULNERABLE
10. Reading the Bible is one of my biggest struggles in my walk with God
9. I am completely self conscience of my complexion.
8. I look at the scale at least 3 times a day. The number 140 is unacceptable!
7. I have no money! I literally am living by faith in God to provide enough for me each month.
6. My knees are chubby.
5. I hate my voice; it sounds like countrified boy voice.
4. I have not dated anyone in the last 4 years. I worry about being alone in life.
3. I don't think I'm smart enough. I think I have wit and logic but neither brings success.
2. I am terrible at observing ways to act out love or minister to others unless it is suggested specifically to me.
1. My flirting is embarrassing and no guy is capable of knowing that I am interested.
Hopefully some of you can relate!!
Today I met with a girl to work on some things she desires to improve in her life. She is a very intelligent student, has a big heart, loves horses, the most productive person I've met, and completely vulnerable to the possibilities of improvement. As I listened to her today I realized that I am completely settled in myself even though I am not necessarily confident. Although there are things I would like to change, I'm lazily satisfied with my current condition. It occurred to me that although we don't have a lot in common, our biggest difference is her ability to be vulnerable. So here is my first step... TOP 10 THINGS I NEED TO SHARE TO CONSIDER MYSELF VULNERABLE
10. Reading the Bible is one of my biggest struggles in my walk with God
9. I am completely self conscience of my complexion.
8. I look at the scale at least 3 times a day. The number 140 is unacceptable!
7. I have no money! I literally am living by faith in God to provide enough for me each month.
6. My knees are chubby.
5. I hate my voice; it sounds like countrified boy voice.
4. I have not dated anyone in the last 4 years. I worry about being alone in life.
3. I don't think I'm smart enough. I think I have wit and logic but neither brings success.
2. I am terrible at observing ways to act out love or minister to others unless it is suggested specifically to me.
1. My flirting is embarrassing and no guy is capable of knowing that I am interested.
Hopefully some of you can relate!!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Turn Right Here
New Things: 1st work out of the year, finished my first painting of the year
Everyone has those pivotal moments in life where you can look back and know that life could have looked completely different if (fill in the blank) happened differently. These are the moments that give me confirmation that God loves me and pursues me even when I choose not to love Him. In fact, God's grace on the cross and beyond baffles me when I think about what my life could be on my own ambition. But I thank God for the promises of 1 Corinthians 10:13, he provides a way out! These pivitol moments we have to decide whether we will turn right!
When I entered college, I left a home that had set me up for greatness. I grew up in a two parent home that taught me the gospel, brought me up in a church that confirmed my leadership in ministry and expected great things from me. I wasn't a statistic teen that goes off to college and drops out of church. I had morals and a genuine love for God and his people. But college introduced a different temptation I was not prepared for.
College was a chance to start over, be whoever I wanted to be. My first friends I met there were in my orientation group. They are beautiful girls and very precious to me. However we had different perspectives on alcohol, parties and guys. But I so desperately wanted to be their friends, I told myself I can stay strong. That lasted about a semester. These girls never tried to change me. In fact, they embraced my religion and morals, and some ways respected me for them. But I was never going to fit in if I didn't give in. Soon I became a typical partier, got my roommate in the scene, found the parties, the drinks and the guys. I still had boundaries, they just were set a little wider than before. My mom tried to talk to me, prayed for me daily, but it was no use. I had convinced myself that I'm not having sex or getting drunk, what was her problem? There are some things that I regret during this time of my life, but I'm so thankful God kept me from sex and drugs.
During this time I was super faithful to church and bible study, but as hard as I tried to meet people, no one wanted anyting to do with me. I've never felt so lonely at church. Then randomly one night in my sophomore year, I ran into a friend I had not seen in 4 years. He invited me to a church he was going to sing at the following Sunday, which happens to be the church my brother used to go. I had purposefully avoided this awesome church because I did not want to be "Todd's little sister". But I went! And I loved it! They invited me to lunch, half mentioned Todd but asked about me, and immediately I felt guilt for the past year and a half! After that Sunday my friend that invited me never came back. The following Wednesday I was offered a job at the church as the youth pastor's intern (granted they should probably have known me before offering me the job). But this was my right turn. Saying I would go see a friend sing in church was my pivotal moment.
The following summer my brother got married to a beautiful woman. He went to seminary in Texas. His wife used to take care of these children in some government housing, but it was more than just visiting or babysitting, she loved them! Denzel and Missy were in her wedding! I had met the children once before the big day, but that's all you need to fall in love! Well after the ceremony Missy, age 6, looks up at me with the most serious concern and asks "Who is going to take us to church now?" Pivotal Moment: take right turn here! Before I could even think I just said "I will". Taking them to church was not what I did... I became their sister. I took them to basketball and cheerleading at the church, kids choir wednesday nights, sunday morning and nights, school plays, tutored them, sleep overs, Christmas, birthdays, helped the parents. It was hard but I loved every moment of it. Soon I was taking kids from the neighborhood by the car loads. The college ministry volunteered to help carpool, provide backyard bible clubs, adopt little brothers and sisters. The church supported the ministry and helped the adults.I was way over my head but I knew it was what God had planned. It is this ministry that has led me to seminary with a love for children that do not have a home that can set them up for greatness! I want to give families opportunities. I want to love as Christ has loved me. I am sitting here right now typing a blog about God's goodness because I took the right turn.
How blessed I am to know I serve a God who is seated on the high throne able to judge and forgive!
Everyone has those pivotal moments in life where you can look back and know that life could have looked completely different if (fill in the blank) happened differently. These are the moments that give me confirmation that God loves me and pursues me even when I choose not to love Him. In fact, God's grace on the cross and beyond baffles me when I think about what my life could be on my own ambition. But I thank God for the promises of 1 Corinthians 10:13, he provides a way out! These pivitol moments we have to decide whether we will turn right!
When I entered college, I left a home that had set me up for greatness. I grew up in a two parent home that taught me the gospel, brought me up in a church that confirmed my leadership in ministry and expected great things from me. I wasn't a statistic teen that goes off to college and drops out of church. I had morals and a genuine love for God and his people. But college introduced a different temptation I was not prepared for.
College was a chance to start over, be whoever I wanted to be. My first friends I met there were in my orientation group. They are beautiful girls and very precious to me. However we had different perspectives on alcohol, parties and guys. But I so desperately wanted to be their friends, I told myself I can stay strong. That lasted about a semester. These girls never tried to change me. In fact, they embraced my religion and morals, and some ways respected me for them. But I was never going to fit in if I didn't give in. Soon I became a typical partier, got my roommate in the scene, found the parties, the drinks and the guys. I still had boundaries, they just were set a little wider than before. My mom tried to talk to me, prayed for me daily, but it was no use. I had convinced myself that I'm not having sex or getting drunk, what was her problem? There are some things that I regret during this time of my life, but I'm so thankful God kept me from sex and drugs.
During this time I was super faithful to church and bible study, but as hard as I tried to meet people, no one wanted anyting to do with me. I've never felt so lonely at church. Then randomly one night in my sophomore year, I ran into a friend I had not seen in 4 years. He invited me to a church he was going to sing at the following Sunday, which happens to be the church my brother used to go. I had purposefully avoided this awesome church because I did not want to be "Todd's little sister". But I went! And I loved it! They invited me to lunch, half mentioned Todd but asked about me, and immediately I felt guilt for the past year and a half! After that Sunday my friend that invited me never came back. The following Wednesday I was offered a job at the church as the youth pastor's intern (granted they should probably have known me before offering me the job). But this was my right turn. Saying I would go see a friend sing in church was my pivotal moment.
The following summer my brother got married to a beautiful woman. He went to seminary in Texas. His wife used to take care of these children in some government housing, but it was more than just visiting or babysitting, she loved them! Denzel and Missy were in her wedding! I had met the children once before the big day, but that's all you need to fall in love! Well after the ceremony Missy, age 6, looks up at me with the most serious concern and asks "Who is going to take us to church now?" Pivotal Moment: take right turn here! Before I could even think I just said "I will". Taking them to church was not what I did... I became their sister. I took them to basketball and cheerleading at the church, kids choir wednesday nights, sunday morning and nights, school plays, tutored them, sleep overs, Christmas, birthdays, helped the parents. It was hard but I loved every moment of it. Soon I was taking kids from the neighborhood by the car loads. The college ministry volunteered to help carpool, provide backyard bible clubs, adopt little brothers and sisters. The church supported the ministry and helped the adults.I was way over my head but I knew it was what God had planned. It is this ministry that has led me to seminary with a love for children that do not have a home that can set them up for greatness! I want to give families opportunities. I want to love as Christ has loved me. I am sitting here right now typing a blog about God's goodness because I took the right turn.
How blessed I am to know I serve a God who is seated on the high throne able to judge and forgive!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
It's a new year and I just want coffee
New Things: my love for kinect, 1st NC state basketball game, Bourne movies, year 2012
It is year 2012! The end. Nothing different, extraordinary, or motivating about this year. I've decided to set no expectations or seek new thrills, make plans or have goals for the year. Now for the reader that does not follow my logic, this may sound depressing or cynical but stay with me.
Expectations and plans lead to an inevitable disappointment. We do not control our days much less our year. Therefore, I'm brilliant. Each day is a new adventure or thrill to see what the day has in store. When I get stuck in plans I eliminate possibilities, but without plans I'm open for anything. I try to conform to what I think is expected of me and no doubt I've ruined the ideal.
Today I was encouraged to live 1 Corinthians 10:31 "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it for the glory of God". The things I do are not for my gain but the glory of God. This is the secret, it isn't about me. My day, plans, goals, and expectations are not about me.
So this year my plan is to live like I am dying. But first I need coffee!
It is year 2012! The end. Nothing different, extraordinary, or motivating about this year. I've decided to set no expectations or seek new thrills, make plans or have goals for the year. Now for the reader that does not follow my logic, this may sound depressing or cynical but stay with me.
Expectations and plans lead to an inevitable disappointment. We do not control our days much less our year. Therefore, I'm brilliant. Each day is a new adventure or thrill to see what the day has in store. When I get stuck in plans I eliminate possibilities, but without plans I'm open for anything. I try to conform to what I think is expected of me and no doubt I've ruined the ideal.
Today I was encouraged to live 1 Corinthians 10:31 "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it for the glory of God". The things I do are not for my gain but the glory of God. This is the secret, it isn't about me. My day, plans, goals, and expectations are not about me.
So this year my plan is to live like I am dying. But first I need coffee!
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