With all my heart, I hate crying! I don't mind if others cry, in fact, I think it's healthy (to a certain extent). However, somewhere down the line I conditioned myself to believe that crying is weak. Crying doesn't change circumstances. Crying doesn't solve problems. It isn't the best way to get attention or compassion.
I used to joke that my tear ducts get confused. When I laugh really hard I cry, when I get really upset I run, and when I get mad I close down. No wonder girls are so complex. Today, however, I think my emotions were right on track.
I went to a 5th grade graduation today! (That was my new thing for the day). Some of my 5th graders from the YMCA invited us and I realized I had been with these kids for 4 years, most of their elementary experience. I've seen them grow, mature, develop, birthdays, through parents divorce, friends moving away, their first day at a new school, baseball games, champions, losses, parents losing jobs, losing parents or grandparents, surgery, crushes, broken hearts, best friends, and now graduation. I didn't cry about any of this! But I was like a proud mama!!
A girl, named Jocelyn, that had been in our program before was graduating today. She lived with her single mother and younger brother. She was definitely a God send to her mother. She took care of her brother, did great in school, safety partrol, kept the peace, and was always very responsible. I don't know the situation with dad, but I know she missed him. I know there were many times they planned on seeing dad but plans fall through as they do often with adults' schedules. Today at graduation, there was a dad that seemed overly enthusiastic for just a 5th grade ceremony. You know the type... the dad that stands in front of others so he gets the perfect camera shot. Claps every time he hears his child's name eventhough they are asked to wait until the end. Waving big so his child sees that he is watching. I'm sure at some point my thought was this guy needs to just go ahead and take a seat on stage with the principal so he has the best view. Then I realized, it was Jocelyn's father. He was there and he was proud. I watched Jocelyn's smile as she walked by him every time she received an award (which was at least 5 or 6). He gave the thumbs up, a small clap, take a picture, get a hug. I watched the relationship interaction. She loved him regardless because he is her dad and he was soooo stinkin proud of his daughter. This brought a smile to my eyes. As Jocelyn sat down for her presidential award for outstanding academics, I watched her dad as he brushed away tears. The overwhelming emotion of pride for his daughter's accomplishments and the young lady she had become was too much to bear within. At this point, I could hold it no longer as a few tears welled up within my own eyes.
Then there is a boy that was in the 5th grade class. I don't know him, I've seen him around and I stood next his parents. This boy is mentally challenged caused by an accident that sent him to surgery. He never fully recovered and struggles daily with the normalcy of life. Today he walked across that stage after years of self discipline, perseverence, and hard work. Of course mom and dad were proud and emotional but I held it together until... I saw the kids. My heart did the leaping throb in the chest when you want to hold back tears but you don't really have control. As he came back to sit down with his classmates, each one of them gave him a high five and would not sit down until he got to his seat. There was an air of respect that filled the room.
I cried today at a 5th grade graduation... twice!
I think I cried because I was so impressed. A young person can make all the difference in the world. Jocelyn is a person of love and respect for her dad. She is a person that understands grace, love and forgiveness. She is a person that values time, family, and purity. The young boy does not let excuses determine who he is. He will not fail on the grounds of permission to do so. His potential is exceeded everyday he gets out of bed. His determination to be great is inspiring.
I might cry at my graduation next year, but for a different reason!
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