Mmmm Another birthday has gone by. I'm 28! There, I said it! But more importantly, I have another year to live, push myself, conquer fears, learn new things, and make a difference. So I have a made a list of things I would like to accomplish while I'm 28 (Nov 9th 2012 - Nov 8th 2013). Hopefully I can share with you as I complete the list.
(These are in no particular order)
1. Read 100 books
2. Conquer a fear (ride a horse)
3. Learn something new (how to ride a bike)
4. Go to a new country
5. Ride a train to a new place
6. Run the Diva half marathon
7. Ride a motorcycle
8. Swim with dolphins
9. Go on a cruise
10. Take a picture a day for the year
11. Try out for a production in the community theater
12. Canopy Tour
13. Reach and maintain goal weight 135lb
14. Penpal with an overseas soldier
15. I want Ellen DeGeneres to say my name "Lindsay Core"
I'm always open to new challenges. Feel free to add suggestions!
I'll let you know the progress!
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Gentlemen... Start Your Engines!!!
Sorry about the link title...I'm not the most technologically savvy person. But I'm glad that didn't stop you from wanting to read about my friend Erin. Erin, 28, Raleigh, NC!!!
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| Your Welcome Guys!!!!!!! |
I don't really know how to describe someone you've never met so I came up with some helpful lists!
Things she loves!!
God, ministering to the ladies in her life, her family, friends and a good peacan pie.
She and I have known each other for five years now. We are very opposite people, but I appreciate her ability to be herself. She loves planning fun things and meeting new people. She is thoughtful, hospitable, generous, and has always been there for me. The thing I love the most about her is she is super loyal to the people she loves!!! Hard to find someone like her!
Now things she likes to do: NASCAR, Duke basketball, South Carolina Football, a good bon fire, reading biographies, history buff, dancing, traveling, cooking, The Bachelorette, going to Chick-fil-a, and running!!!
She works at a bank and writes curriculum for Sunday School classes but would one day like to also minister full time to young women or be a stay at home mom!
Friday, September 21, 2012
It Just Got Good
I'm back! Sorry it took me so long. I've just been busy having fun! Really I've just been busy. Really I'm just busy.
Aside from that... I don't even know the last time I've sat here with all my thoughts. My mom's cancer threw me for a loop. I think I've been running from my thoughts honestly. But my mom is doing well. She is a strong woman and I've should have known it would take a lot more than ovarian cancer and chemotherapy to keep her down.
The day I heard my mom say "I have cancer", all the good in my life just seemed to fade away. Life became heavy, lethargic, and inevitable. Nothing mattered anymore. At some point I knew I needed to jolt myself back to life. I needed fun. I needed to be able to control something. I needed to feel out of control. I needed to be daring, worldly, and irresponsible! So what did I do? I got a job!
I did get job. I love it! In fact, I bet you wish you had my job! Except for whinny kids, defensive parents, crabby employees, and total panic, I have the dream job! I am the assistant director of tracking out (a youth program) at the YMCA and even the worst day there I come home every day with the best stories. In reality my job really is awesome! I get to love kids, give comfort to parents, assist employees, and live in total chaos!
It doesn't take me long to get antsy. My friend Erin and I went to NYC to visit my other friend Alyson. I had been there once before for New Years and I new I needed to see the city in the warm weather. My first hour there news reports a shooting at the Empire State building (see, I love panic). Alyson is an awesome hostess in showing us the new yorker's way of life.
Favorite things about NYC: 1. Plenty of good looking guys, single, and I think straight. 2. All the Parks are full of life. 3. Good authentic food! 4. People will talk to the wall if it will stand long enough. You always will meet someone interesting. Hi Judy, hope you are doing well! 5. First time to see Broadway- Chicago!! 6. The Shake Shack. 7. Walking makes me feel accomplished. 8. Did I mention the guys? 9. Everything is within a subway ride. 10. Diversity makes me feel cultured.
As fun as NYC is, it is not the thrill seeking adventure I was looking for. I mean millions of people go to NY, duh! Anyone could do that. So one of my best friends, Kari, decided she knew exactly what I needed... to jump out of a plane! And she was right! I can't say much about that experience except it reminds of Grey's Anatomy when Christina and Owen find the air vent that explodes a rush of air from the floor through their hair. Owen says it just helps clear your mind, refreshes you. If you are not a Grey's fan, that's fine, but imagine pure wind rushing through your body as you have 60 seconds to discover everything from hesitation to adventure to purpose to the ground. I didn't feel unsafe as much as I felt like I was finally doing something rather than just talking about doing something. I owe a great deal to Kari, her husband (and my friend) Tyler and his step dad Chris and mom Lisa.
Aside from that... I don't even know the last time I've sat here with all my thoughts. My mom's cancer threw me for a loop. I think I've been running from my thoughts honestly. But my mom is doing well. She is a strong woman and I've should have known it would take a lot more than ovarian cancer and chemotherapy to keep her down.
The day I heard my mom say "I have cancer", all the good in my life just seemed to fade away. Life became heavy, lethargic, and inevitable. Nothing mattered anymore. At some point I knew I needed to jolt myself back to life. I needed fun. I needed to be able to control something. I needed to feel out of control. I needed to be daring, worldly, and irresponsible! So what did I do? I got a job!
I did get job. I love it! In fact, I bet you wish you had my job! Except for whinny kids, defensive parents, crabby employees, and total panic, I have the dream job! I am the assistant director of tracking out (a youth program) at the YMCA and even the worst day there I come home every day with the best stories. In reality my job really is awesome! I get to love kids, give comfort to parents, assist employees, and live in total chaos!
It doesn't take me long to get antsy. My friend Erin and I went to NYC to visit my other friend Alyson. I had been there once before for New Years and I new I needed to see the city in the warm weather. My first hour there news reports a shooting at the Empire State building (see, I love panic). Alyson is an awesome hostess in showing us the new yorker's way of life.
Favorite things about NYC: 1. Plenty of good looking guys, single, and I think straight. 2. All the Parks are full of life. 3. Good authentic food! 4. People will talk to the wall if it will stand long enough. You always will meet someone interesting. Hi Judy, hope you are doing well! 5. First time to see Broadway- Chicago!! 6. The Shake Shack. 7. Walking makes me feel accomplished. 8. Did I mention the guys? 9. Everything is within a subway ride. 10. Diversity makes me feel cultured.
As fun as NYC is, it is not the thrill seeking adventure I was looking for. I mean millions of people go to NY, duh! Anyone could do that. So one of my best friends, Kari, decided she knew exactly what I needed... to jump out of a plane! And she was right! I can't say much about that experience except it reminds of Grey's Anatomy when Christina and Owen find the air vent that explodes a rush of air from the floor through their hair. Owen says it just helps clear your mind, refreshes you. If you are not a Grey's fan, that's fine, but imagine pure wind rushing through your body as you have 60 seconds to discover everything from hesitation to adventure to purpose to the ground. I didn't feel unsafe as much as I felt like I was finally doing something rather than just talking about doing something. I owe a great deal to Kari, her husband (and my friend) Tyler and his step dad Chris and mom Lisa.
Anyways, now I'm back home, things are not chaotic, and I'm back to blogging!
p.s. My brother and sister in law are having another baby. Super exciting! My 2 yr old niece's name is Zooey. So I'm voting for Chlooey if it is a girl and Jooey for a boy!!
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Post Op Clarity
The FACTS:
So my mom had her surgery. The doctors drained 12 gallons of fluid from her stomach. That's right 12 GALLONS. I didn't even know that what possible in a person. "Bless her heart" as they say in Alabama. Both ovaries were removed which were enlarged with stage 3 cancer and they also removed the cancer from the inner lining of the stomach. The doctors says they removed the cancer they could see and they will discuss any further treatments that will help kill possible floating cancer cells.
The WORRY:
You would think my worry is that my mom's cancer was stage 3, but I trust the doctors to not be hiding any facts from my dad. No, my worry is that this will change my mom. She has always been so strong. She's the strong one of her family. She reassures me of things and I'm the strong one of my friends so I know she is a rock. When I went to my grandmother and uncle's funerals last fall I was sad and missed them, but uncontrollable crying was caused by seeing my mom lose it. Her crying was unbearable. I guess I'm afraid mom loses her strength. Even now my mom was the strong one but sooo much has changed with this surgery.
The REALITY:
Fear is not the antithesis of Strength. In fact, The Bible commands us to fear in the Lord and it says the Lord is my strength. My mom has earned a time to not be a rock. Christ is our rock, never changing. We are transformative... she is allowed to be hopeful which implies something that needs hope. Stage 3 cancer is not a death sentence. The reality is stage 3 cancer has not defeated her, she is healed. God is the great healer. Recovery and remission will be difficult mostly because my mom is so stubborn she won't want to "waste" time on herself.
The HOPE:
I was reminded today that as we pray we often pray for God to change us to be more like God. We thank God for peace, understanding, and healing. We are thankful for his love. We cry and raise our fist to God asking him to give mercy in a situation that seems unbearable. And although God is good to answer these prayers and provide for us we miss the point that God is God. The first sin on earth was man's desire to be more like God, to know what God knows instead of worshipping him. My desire for mom to be healed is secondary for my praise to God for being the great love, peace, merciful, all-knowing God that he is.
So my mom had her surgery. The doctors drained 12 gallons of fluid from her stomach. That's right 12 GALLONS. I didn't even know that what possible in a person. "Bless her heart" as they say in Alabama. Both ovaries were removed which were enlarged with stage 3 cancer and they also removed the cancer from the inner lining of the stomach. The doctors says they removed the cancer they could see and they will discuss any further treatments that will help kill possible floating cancer cells.
The WORRY:
You would think my worry is that my mom's cancer was stage 3, but I trust the doctors to not be hiding any facts from my dad. No, my worry is that this will change my mom. She has always been so strong. She's the strong one of her family. She reassures me of things and I'm the strong one of my friends so I know she is a rock. When I went to my grandmother and uncle's funerals last fall I was sad and missed them, but uncontrollable crying was caused by seeing my mom lose it. Her crying was unbearable. I guess I'm afraid mom loses her strength. Even now my mom was the strong one but sooo much has changed with this surgery.
The REALITY:
Fear is not the antithesis of Strength. In fact, The Bible commands us to fear in the Lord and it says the Lord is my strength. My mom has earned a time to not be a rock. Christ is our rock, never changing. We are transformative... she is allowed to be hopeful which implies something that needs hope. Stage 3 cancer is not a death sentence. The reality is stage 3 cancer has not defeated her, she is healed. God is the great healer. Recovery and remission will be difficult mostly because my mom is so stubborn she won't want to "waste" time on herself.
The HOPE:
I was reminded today that as we pray we often pray for God to change us to be more like God. We thank God for peace, understanding, and healing. We are thankful for his love. We cry and raise our fist to God asking him to give mercy in a situation that seems unbearable. And although God is good to answer these prayers and provide for us we miss the point that God is God. The first sin on earth was man's desire to be more like God, to know what God knows instead of worshipping him. My desire for mom to be healed is secondary for my praise to God for being the great love, peace, merciful, all-knowing God that he is.
Monday, June 11, 2012
I'm Scared of Good
I haven't written in awhile because I haven't been able to form words for all the things I've been thinking. So all I can do is say what has happened in my life over the last month.
Almost a month ago I graduated from seminary with a degree in Biblical Counseling. It has taken me 5 years but I know it is God's timing. He has taught me much more than textbooks and teachers can fit in to the semesters. Self-control, hospitality, the importance of letting the Church be family, discipleship, and obedience are some of the things I've practiced. I'm so grateful for the time here but at the same time I was so ready to do what God was preparing me for.
Around the time of graduation casually told a few friends I have a feeling something bad is going to happen. All the worst possibilities came to mind: my family would be in a wreck on the way to visit me or something that would make a good lifetime movie. My friend's advice was to enjoy this time and not wait for the bottom to drop. Good advice but I couldn't shake the feeling.
Now I'm dealing with one of my biggest fears. Last week my mom calls me to tell me she has diagnosed herself with having a mass in her stomach. I knew she had been unhappy for awhile but I couldn't understand what she had been going through. She had lost her brother and mother about a half year ago within 10 weeks. I thought she had been depressed and stressed which was adding to her physical illness. My mom finally went to the doctor.
...The docotrs are moving fast. No time to waste. Something is urgent. In my gut I know it is urgent. The following morning the doctors ran a CAT scan. They are getting answers faster than anticipated. She is seeing an oncologist this week. My mom anticipates surgery within the week. It is happening. Thoughts that I don't expect for another 40 years. My mom is my best friend. I shouldn't have to worry how I'm going to keep moving. My first thought, as selfish as it sounds, was "she'll never meet my future husband or children". I know that thought is about me, but she's been the one person my whole life that has been excited about everything I do. My parents are part of every milestone in my life. I'll need my best friend to tell me to stop being stubborn, to start learning how to flirt, stop being so literal, keep loving people, and that she's proud of me. My mom gets me. She understands that I'm grounded no matter how ridiculous my brain works. I am my mother's daughter...
Nothing has been confirmed. It seems that she has two spots of ccancer. It sounds like surgery should get all of it and chemotherapy should kill the residue. I'm sure my mom will be here the next 40 years at least, but I'm still not okay with the fact she has cancer. The possibilities of cancer are not supposed to be real yet. Fighting this is not supposed to be on my plate.
I know all things work together for the good... There is a fine line of me acting like I've come to grips with things and being completely satisfied with God's will. I can't do either yet!
Almost a month ago I graduated from seminary with a degree in Biblical Counseling. It has taken me 5 years but I know it is God's timing. He has taught me much more than textbooks and teachers can fit in to the semesters. Self-control, hospitality, the importance of letting the Church be family, discipleship, and obedience are some of the things I've practiced. I'm so grateful for the time here but at the same time I was so ready to do what God was preparing me for.
Around the time of graduation casually told a few friends I have a feeling something bad is going to happen. All the worst possibilities came to mind: my family would be in a wreck on the way to visit me or something that would make a good lifetime movie. My friend's advice was to enjoy this time and not wait for the bottom to drop. Good advice but I couldn't shake the feeling.
Now I'm dealing with one of my biggest fears. Last week my mom calls me to tell me she has diagnosed herself with having a mass in her stomach. I knew she had been unhappy for awhile but I couldn't understand what she had been going through. She had lost her brother and mother about a half year ago within 10 weeks. I thought she had been depressed and stressed which was adding to her physical illness. My mom finally went to the doctor.
...The docotrs are moving fast. No time to waste. Something is urgent. In my gut I know it is urgent. The following morning the doctors ran a CAT scan. They are getting answers faster than anticipated. She is seeing an oncologist this week. My mom anticipates surgery within the week. It is happening. Thoughts that I don't expect for another 40 years. My mom is my best friend. I shouldn't have to worry how I'm going to keep moving. My first thought, as selfish as it sounds, was "she'll never meet my future husband or children". I know that thought is about me, but she's been the one person my whole life that has been excited about everything I do. My parents are part of every milestone in my life. I'll need my best friend to tell me to stop being stubborn, to start learning how to flirt, stop being so literal, keep loving people, and that she's proud of me. My mom gets me. She understands that I'm grounded no matter how ridiculous my brain works. I am my mother's daughter...
Nothing has been confirmed. It seems that she has two spots of ccancer. It sounds like surgery should get all of it and chemotherapy should kill the residue. I'm sure my mom will be here the next 40 years at least, but I'm still not okay with the fact she has cancer. The possibilities of cancer are not supposed to be real yet. Fighting this is not supposed to be on my plate.
I know all things work together for the good... There is a fine line of me acting like I've come to grips with things and being completely satisfied with God's will. I can't do either yet!
Saturday, May 12, 2012
You know you want one too
Everyone wants to be a star and the obvious way to do that is make a video.
Enjoy and you're welcome!
(The video is at the end of the post)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAvF2jdwCm4&list=UUrx-Jg2ObUPV2fabjT9CRCg&index=1&feature=plcp
Enjoy and you're welcome!
(The video is at the end of the post)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BAvF2jdwCm4&list=UUrx-Jg2ObUPV2fabjT9CRCg&index=1&feature=plcp
Friday, May 11, 2012
What I Know about Men I Learned from Boys
New Things: Carolina Beach, Finished last school paper ever, new lover of the show LOST, music video
I know nothing about men... clearly. Luckily, children are extremely transparent. They are nothing more than smaller versions of us with less maturity and understanding. So I've decided to acknowledge the truths behind what boys say and do. The list of truths below are all from kids grades k-5th.
Graham: "I've never seen you dressed up and your hair done. it looks nice"
Translation: You need to dress up more often.
Ben: "you need to paint your nails"
Translation: Pay attention to the details
"I want to marry you... I don't know why I said that"
Translation: Men don't always think before they speak
Josh "I'm just mad"
Translation: I'm mad that I'm not getting attention from you or that I failed at something.
Gavin- "I ALREADY KNOW!" (but he usually is wrong)
Translation: I don't want you to tell me I'm wrong.
Andrew- "Please play with me"
Translation: Please take an interest in my hobbies.
Landon- "Do you need help with that?"
Translation: Guys just want to help whether or not you are capable of doing it yourself.
Ben "Can I show you my new card trick"
Translation: I'm an expert at something and I need to show off.
Kevin "Lindsay you're so cool... sike"
Translation: Even the tough guy needs a hug. He may not be able to express how he feels sincerely
DeAnte 5th grader- "Andrew, give me a high five" Andrew kindergarten: "NO!"
Translation: D- needs to be protector and provider. A- likes things his way
Dawson "Why don't you give me food?"
Translation: A way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
I know nothing about men... clearly. Luckily, children are extremely transparent. They are nothing more than smaller versions of us with less maturity and understanding. So I've decided to acknowledge the truths behind what boys say and do. The list of truths below are all from kids grades k-5th.
Graham: "I've never seen you dressed up and your hair done. it looks nice"
Translation: You need to dress up more often.
Ben: "you need to paint your nails"
Translation: Pay attention to the details
"I want to marry you... I don't know why I said that"
Translation: Men don't always think before they speak
Josh "I'm just mad"
Translation: I'm mad that I'm not getting attention from you or that I failed at something.
Gavin- "I ALREADY KNOW!" (but he usually is wrong)
Translation: I don't want you to tell me I'm wrong.
Andrew- "Please play with me"
Translation: Please take an interest in my hobbies.
Landon- "Do you need help with that?"
Translation: Guys just want to help whether or not you are capable of doing it yourself.
Ben "Can I show you my new card trick"
Translation: I'm an expert at something and I need to show off.
Kevin "Lindsay you're so cool... sike"
Translation: Even the tough guy needs a hug. He may not be able to express how he feels sincerely
DeAnte 5th grader- "Andrew, give me a high five" Andrew kindergarten: "NO!"
Translation: D- needs to be protector and provider. A- likes things his way
Dawson "Why don't you give me food?"
Translation: A way to a man's heart is through his stomach.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
Touch
New Things: Krispy Kreme Factory, hand selected to be in a parade, two story chick-fil-a (banana pudding milkshake), new friends
I love the new show Touch. If there are any fans out there you'll understand how a complete random number can link so many different situations together for the purpose of order. I do not believe the world is random or controlled by a cosmic force. It is not ordered by karma or numbers. I do believe God is creator and sustainer of the world. I do believe he has a purpose. I do believe today's happenings is proof that God works all things together, and it is for our good, and it is for his purposes.
My friend Caitlin rode with me to pick up Alex, a girl I mentor, and her younger brother Cam to take them to the Krispy Kreme downtown at the "factory". On the way to nowhereville, Caitlin and I realized that we were about to enter a small town parade. We made it through just in time so we would not be late to pick up the youngins.
I knew Caitlin and Alex would have a lot in common but I had no idea how much. Besides being tall, beautiful and hilarious, they both wanted to be vets until they realized they cut open animals, both have (or will have) paint balloons at their 15th birthday parties, and both have a great ear for good music. On the way to the Krispy Kreme, Alex requested we try to go through the small town parade to be part of it. Unfortunately, as we approached the crowd the police created a detour that avoided the parade. With my awesome navigation skills, I took about 3 wrong turns before I ever got us to our final destination. I turned on Wade, found St. Mary's, and went to Peace which are 3 streets we ventured often today on accident (but that is for later in the story).
Krispy Kreme created a warm place in my heart. We all four sat by the window where 1000s of doughnuts are being made on a conveyer belt, enjoying doughnuts while wearing our paper hats they gave us. I wore the hat thinking I'm probably too old but its for the kids. After we took a moment to appreciate the millions of calories we consumed we made our way back to the kid's house.
At the house all my worse fears were faced. I had pet their miniature horse but now their real size horse was sniffing around, not cool. On top of that, the mother asked if we would like to go up the barn to see the king snake they found this morning right after she told us it was in strike position. I feel like these are not fears I have to face. They do not debilitate my daily functioning. However, the miniature horse does like me and came to stand by me. Then we started to leave and the mother asked us if we knew anything about plants. No! Neither one of us know anything about plants but both of us thought of our friend Sarah who knows everything about plants. The mom invited all 3 of us to come to their home next weekend for a cookout. yes please!
Next part of the day. Caitlin, Erin, Paul and I were supposed to meet up with some friends at the Q-Grass where there is Bluegrass music and bbq eatins. But then it started to rain and all plans went out the window. So Paul called some of his friends to meet us and the friend we were supposed to meet stayed at the Q-Grass. We made our way to St. Marys (if you remember) because we had already gotten lost there once today which helped us find our way to the mother of all chick-fil-as. CFA was two stories with an elevator, a revolving door and the most awesome kiddy tables. We met some of Paul's friends there. One of them knows our friend Sarah that was mentioned before and also Katherine. Then we made the connection that Rachel is the girl that went with Katherine to one of our church's small groups this past semester. The other friend of Paul's, it turns out, was born in Birmingham AL, which is where I'm from but lived in Chicago IL prior to moving here which is where I would love to live. Lastly, Kevin's RA in college is my employee at the Y. After, we decided to go to see the new addition to the natural science museum. In the streets were vendors, booths, people, music and then a stranger approached Paul and asked... "Would you like to be in a parade?"
I think relationships were being built today that will have a lasting impact. I think the things we did and the people we spent time with were on purpose even if it was against our purpose. God created order from chaos. No matter how chaotic my life seems, when I question how can things ever work out, or when I doubt, I will know God has created order.
I love the new show Touch. If there are any fans out there you'll understand how a complete random number can link so many different situations together for the purpose of order. I do not believe the world is random or controlled by a cosmic force. It is not ordered by karma or numbers. I do believe God is creator and sustainer of the world. I do believe he has a purpose. I do believe today's happenings is proof that God works all things together, and it is for our good, and it is for his purposes.
My friend Caitlin rode with me to pick up Alex, a girl I mentor, and her younger brother Cam to take them to the Krispy Kreme downtown at the "factory". On the way to nowhereville, Caitlin and I realized that we were about to enter a small town parade. We made it through just in time so we would not be late to pick up the youngins.
I knew Caitlin and Alex would have a lot in common but I had no idea how much. Besides being tall, beautiful and hilarious, they both wanted to be vets until they realized they cut open animals, both have (or will have) paint balloons at their 15th birthday parties, and both have a great ear for good music. On the way to the Krispy Kreme, Alex requested we try to go through the small town parade to be part of it. Unfortunately, as we approached the crowd the police created a detour that avoided the parade. With my awesome navigation skills, I took about 3 wrong turns before I ever got us to our final destination. I turned on Wade, found St. Mary's, and went to Peace which are 3 streets we ventured often today on accident (but that is for later in the story).
Krispy Kreme created a warm place in my heart. We all four sat by the window where 1000s of doughnuts are being made on a conveyer belt, enjoying doughnuts while wearing our paper hats they gave us. I wore the hat thinking I'm probably too old but its for the kids. After we took a moment to appreciate the millions of calories we consumed we made our way back to the kid's house.
At the house all my worse fears were faced. I had pet their miniature horse but now their real size horse was sniffing around, not cool. On top of that, the mother asked if we would like to go up the barn to see the king snake they found this morning right after she told us it was in strike position. I feel like these are not fears I have to face. They do not debilitate my daily functioning. However, the miniature horse does like me and came to stand by me. Then we started to leave and the mother asked us if we knew anything about plants. No! Neither one of us know anything about plants but both of us thought of our friend Sarah who knows everything about plants. The mom invited all 3 of us to come to their home next weekend for a cookout. yes please!
Next part of the day. Caitlin, Erin, Paul and I were supposed to meet up with some friends at the Q-Grass where there is Bluegrass music and bbq eatins. But then it started to rain and all plans went out the window. So Paul called some of his friends to meet us and the friend we were supposed to meet stayed at the Q-Grass. We made our way to St. Marys (if you remember) because we had already gotten lost there once today which helped us find our way to the mother of all chick-fil-as. CFA was two stories with an elevator, a revolving door and the most awesome kiddy tables. We met some of Paul's friends there. One of them knows our friend Sarah that was mentioned before and also Katherine. Then we made the connection that Rachel is the girl that went with Katherine to one of our church's small groups this past semester. The other friend of Paul's, it turns out, was born in Birmingham AL, which is where I'm from but lived in Chicago IL prior to moving here which is where I would love to live. Lastly, Kevin's RA in college is my employee at the Y. After, we decided to go to see the new addition to the natural science museum. In the streets were vendors, booths, people, music and then a stranger approached Paul and asked... "Would you like to be in a parade?"
WHAT?!!! I've been trying to be in a parade all day. Once we started I felt silly, but hey "it's for the kids." There you have it, we were all a part as very big plant gods. Ironically, I helped carry a god that represents creation of God. Whatever, I was in a parade. We never made it to the museum. We got back on Wade and Peace (from earlier) and went to a coffee shop where we finally got to hang out with the person we were originally going to meet at the Q-Grass.
Now I am sitting at Sarah's house. The girl the family from this morning needs to meet and the new friend from the afternoon that already knows her.
I think relationships were being built today that will have a lasting impact. I think the things we did and the people we spent time with were on purpose even if it was against our purpose. God created order from chaos. No matter how chaotic my life seems, when I question how can things ever work out, or when I doubt, I will know God has created order.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Art is Hereditary
New Things: Parking Lot Carnival, Easter in WV, Just Dance on Wii in our apt, I did a dance dare, bought a pair of hot pink skinny jeans (haha for someone else)
I went to WV this past weekend for Easter. My intention was to ease the work that my 2 aunts do for my grandfather and also to spend time with my grandfather so this holiday did not seem so quiet without my grandmother. But actually the opposite happened...
I got there early Friday afternoon and spent some time with my dad's parents. I love them and spending time with them but I think we don't always know what to say or do together. My entire life it seemed that my brother fit in better with my dad's side and I fit in better with mom's side. This weekend gave me a chance to see how both sides have made me who I am. But on Friday, after we exhausted all the conversations, my grandmother decided to go through her old boxes of things in storage and give me some hidden treasures. Mamaw wanted to show me some of my dad's old drawings from college because she knew that I love art. I knew my dad could draw but his cousin is the real artist in the family. Just recently I got a painting that my grandmother's mother painted when she was very young. And then it happened... the one thing that made me feel a part of the Core family... my grandmother's drawings. She was AMAZING! She had portraits with the original photos and they were soooo good. I couldn't believe it. She was way better than I could ever hope to be. In that moment all I wanted to do is see more!
Then I was off to my grandfather's house on my mom's side. I always felt at home there. They are loud and extreme and exciting and everything I love. People feel loved and valued with my family. And in my attempt to love my family by serving them, they couldn't help but serve me. I tried desperately to cook for my papaw but he only wanted my aunt to cook for him because that's who does it everyday. So my aunt cooks for me too! But if I did cook and clean and do all things I had expected to do I wouldn't have gotten to just be with my cousins. I so value the time I had with Brea (7) and Cody (17). I went to Brea's Easter Egg Hunt where I got conned into face painting for a bunch of kids. Then with Cody, we went to the mall. It was the conversation that made it awesome for me. I love hearing him seek God and the Truth rather than simply taking someone's word for it (including mine). And although it was a short time my cousins Nick and TJ, now men, I enjoyed watching them take care of the house, their mom, the finances, working hard and making something of themselves and their family. Their dad is gone but I see their dad in them, men of honor.
I got more sleep than I could have ever imagined while there. Probably the only way I would have gotten this rest is with grandparents. Papaw Don goes in bed in front of the television is a clue to go to your room and do what? Go to bed of course at 9pm. I arrived to my mamaw and papaw Core's Easter Sunday to stay the night with them and by 6 they were ready to put me to bed, haha!
I treasure the time I have with family. I learn more and more about myself, who I come from, how they impact me, who I want to be, and how they have inspired me.
I went to WV this past weekend for Easter. My intention was to ease the work that my 2 aunts do for my grandfather and also to spend time with my grandfather so this holiday did not seem so quiet without my grandmother. But actually the opposite happened...
I got there early Friday afternoon and spent some time with my dad's parents. I love them and spending time with them but I think we don't always know what to say or do together. My entire life it seemed that my brother fit in better with my dad's side and I fit in better with mom's side. This weekend gave me a chance to see how both sides have made me who I am. But on Friday, after we exhausted all the conversations, my grandmother decided to go through her old boxes of things in storage and give me some hidden treasures. Mamaw wanted to show me some of my dad's old drawings from college because she knew that I love art. I knew my dad could draw but his cousin is the real artist in the family. Just recently I got a painting that my grandmother's mother painted when she was very young. And then it happened... the one thing that made me feel a part of the Core family... my grandmother's drawings. She was AMAZING! She had portraits with the original photos and they were soooo good. I couldn't believe it. She was way better than I could ever hope to be. In that moment all I wanted to do is see more!
Then I was off to my grandfather's house on my mom's side. I always felt at home there. They are loud and extreme and exciting and everything I love. People feel loved and valued with my family. And in my attempt to love my family by serving them, they couldn't help but serve me. I tried desperately to cook for my papaw but he only wanted my aunt to cook for him because that's who does it everyday. So my aunt cooks for me too! But if I did cook and clean and do all things I had expected to do I wouldn't have gotten to just be with my cousins. I so value the time I had with Brea (7) and Cody (17). I went to Brea's Easter Egg Hunt where I got conned into face painting for a bunch of kids. Then with Cody, we went to the mall. It was the conversation that made it awesome for me. I love hearing him seek God and the Truth rather than simply taking someone's word for it (including mine). And although it was a short time my cousins Nick and TJ, now men, I enjoyed watching them take care of the house, their mom, the finances, working hard and making something of themselves and their family. Their dad is gone but I see their dad in them, men of honor.
I got more sleep than I could have ever imagined while there. Probably the only way I would have gotten this rest is with grandparents. Papaw Don goes in bed in front of the television is a clue to go to your room and do what? Go to bed of course at 9pm. I arrived to my mamaw and papaw Core's Easter Sunday to stay the night with them and by 6 they were ready to put me to bed, haha!
I treasure the time I have with family. I learn more and more about myself, who I come from, how they impact me, who I want to be, and how they have inspired me.
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
The Young and the Restless
New Things: took coffee condiments and an avocado to a coffee shop (whole new level of crazy); finished my first real biblical counseling relationship with success; entered my last ever break from school
It is spring time, love is in the air! In fact, I believe some have become "twitterpated". I knew I would have to endure my endless friends that are engaged, trying on wedding dresses, planning weddings, smelling flowers with fervor, eating wedding cake, but I did not anticipate what I would experience today.
First of all, I was "preoccupied" when I was being summoned over the walkie talkie for some assistance. Assistance always means something is about to happen that will need to be put on the blog. As I approached the scene it seemed hopeless; I was filled with compassion. The counselor was standing in the middle of the hallway consoling a small adorable blond headed 1st grade boy with the water works goin. I turn the corner and a small girl with a big bow in her dark hair was hiding behind a column heaving uncontrollable sobs. It was all I could do to show them my concern for their sorrow.
I finally got close enough to decipher the words "I. Don't. Want. To. Be. In. Trouble. I don't want to be in trouble. I don't want to be in trouble". A tender hug, soothing voice and waiting in the quiet did not help. I have no idea what is going on. "Listen, my voice will not get louder. Whatever is going on we need to talk about it." The boy became boisterous "I don't want to go home in trouble. I'll get my butt beaten". No one is mad, everyone knows discipline is coming, and pure fear has struck these two children.
It is now the counselor's turn. She knows something I don't yet. It is all up to me to make the difference. What is it? "I saw them kissing!" Well, great! Lil Romeo and Juliet have come to the point of love/ death decisions.
"Why did you kiss if you knew you would get in trouble?" Their response: "I don't know"!
This is it! When I sin I know I will be disciplined but I don't know why I still do it. I don't want to go home to Dad in trouble. I'm so upset because I know I messed up. I don't want to always mess up but I keep making bad choices.
"Please don't tell pappy!" Of course I have to tell pappy and dad.
"Does your pappy love you?"
"Yes. He lets me stay with him."
"He disciplines you so you remember to make the right choice next time"
"But it hurts!"
Man is he right!
It is spring time, love is in the air! In fact, I believe some have become "twitterpated". I knew I would have to endure my endless friends that are engaged, trying on wedding dresses, planning weddings, smelling flowers with fervor, eating wedding cake, but I did not anticipate what I would experience today.
First of all, I was "preoccupied" when I was being summoned over the walkie talkie for some assistance. Assistance always means something is about to happen that will need to be put on the blog. As I approached the scene it seemed hopeless; I was filled with compassion. The counselor was standing in the middle of the hallway consoling a small adorable blond headed 1st grade boy with the water works goin. I turn the corner and a small girl with a big bow in her dark hair was hiding behind a column heaving uncontrollable sobs. It was all I could do to show them my concern for their sorrow.
I finally got close enough to decipher the words "I. Don't. Want. To. Be. In. Trouble. I don't want to be in trouble. I don't want to be in trouble". A tender hug, soothing voice and waiting in the quiet did not help. I have no idea what is going on. "Listen, my voice will not get louder. Whatever is going on we need to talk about it." The boy became boisterous "I don't want to go home in trouble. I'll get my butt beaten". No one is mad, everyone knows discipline is coming, and pure fear has struck these two children.
It is now the counselor's turn. She knows something I don't yet. It is all up to me to make the difference. What is it? "I saw them kissing!" Well, great! Lil Romeo and Juliet have come to the point of love/ death decisions.
"Why did you kiss if you knew you would get in trouble?" Their response: "I don't know"!
This is it! When I sin I know I will be disciplined but I don't know why I still do it. I don't want to go home to Dad in trouble. I'm so upset because I know I messed up. I don't want to always mess up but I keep making bad choices.
"Please don't tell pappy!" Of course I have to tell pappy and dad.
"Does your pappy love you?"
"Yes. He lets me stay with him."
"He disciplines you so you remember to make the right choice next time"
"But it hurts!"
Man is he right!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
True Remorse
I recently was in a class where we discussed the evidence of biblical remorse and forgiveness. Today I witnessed and experienced this very thing.
At work today a father came to pick up his sweet little 1st grade girl who is brand new to our program. The counselors from the playground announced she is on her way to the cafeteria but that she is upset about something and is unable to talk about it between the uncontrollable crying and shallow breaths. I met her in the hallway to try and talk to her before she could get to dad. Fortunately I'm fluent in hysterical girl speak. It turns out, as she was coming down the slide a boy had ransomed her shoes, running around the playground where he eventually threw them to the other side of the playground in which she was left to retrieve on her own. What a great way to welcome the new girl. Unfortunately, she knows no names, remembers no details, and told no counselors. But I made it my mission to find out who it was and make it right.
I figured I could reasonably narrow down the list of the guilty.
I made my way to the playground, asked the counselors if they had seen anything then perused around until I could find my first victim. A young care free lad was making his way up the slide just as a young girl was attempting to appreciate the value of gravity in the use of the slide. Collision!! What does this boy do? He shoves the girl off the rest of the slide so he may continue his defiance against gravity to the top of the play area. At the top of the play area he preys on his next victim. Immediately, the young stallion has his arms wrapped around his victim modeling the motions of the heimlick maneuver. I called down the boy for a heart to heart.
Here is the conversation (changed names to protect the not so innocent):
Me: "Hey buddy! Did you see anyone running around the playground with shoes in their hands?"
Andy: "I don't even know her"
Me: "I didn't say anything about a 'her'. Who are you talking about?"
Andy: "What? I don't know"
Me: "Why did you say something about a girl? I was asking about shoes!"
Andy: "I didn't do anything!! (long pause) Ok fine I did it!!!"
Me: "What did you do?"
Andy: "I went up the slide"
Me: "Then what?"
Andy: "I touched her shoes"
Me: "And?"
Andy: "Her shoes fell off and I just grabbed them"
Me: "And then what happened?"
Andy: "I ran around with her shoes and then put them down nicely when I saw her crying. I just ran away. I couldn't take her crying"
Me: "Did you know she was upset because you took her shoes?"
Andy: "No"
Me: "Did you know she was telling her daddy someone was being mean to her? I think instead of time out it would be good for you to apologize tomorrow. Can you do that?"
Andy: "What?!! I feel like such a jerk now (hands on his head with tears welling up)!! I can't stand this. I'm such a jerk! I'm putting myself in time out. I just need some time. I'm such a jerk. How could I do this to her?"
Bless his heart. We talked about how his being upset showed me that he really cares about other people. And even though it was hard, his honesty is good. We talked about the fact that when we are upset about the things we do it is our brains way of telling us we need to change something so we can care about others better. So really... being upset can help you make better choices.
We'll see how the apology goes tomorrow. Hopefully the forgiveness is just as sincere.
At work today a father came to pick up his sweet little 1st grade girl who is brand new to our program. The counselors from the playground announced she is on her way to the cafeteria but that she is upset about something and is unable to talk about it between the uncontrollable crying and shallow breaths. I met her in the hallway to try and talk to her before she could get to dad. Fortunately I'm fluent in hysterical girl speak. It turns out, as she was coming down the slide a boy had ransomed her shoes, running around the playground where he eventually threw them to the other side of the playground in which she was left to retrieve on her own. What a great way to welcome the new girl. Unfortunately, she knows no names, remembers no details, and told no counselors. But I made it my mission to find out who it was and make it right.
I figured I could reasonably narrow down the list of the guilty.
I made my way to the playground, asked the counselors if they had seen anything then perused around until I could find my first victim. A young care free lad was making his way up the slide just as a young girl was attempting to appreciate the value of gravity in the use of the slide. Collision!! What does this boy do? He shoves the girl off the rest of the slide so he may continue his defiance against gravity to the top of the play area. At the top of the play area he preys on his next victim. Immediately, the young stallion has his arms wrapped around his victim modeling the motions of the heimlick maneuver. I called down the boy for a heart to heart.
Here is the conversation (changed names to protect the not so innocent):
Me: "Hey buddy! Did you see anyone running around the playground with shoes in their hands?"
Andy: "I don't even know her"
Me: "I didn't say anything about a 'her'. Who are you talking about?"
Andy: "What? I don't know"
Me: "Why did you say something about a girl? I was asking about shoes!"
Andy: "I didn't do anything!! (long pause) Ok fine I did it!!!"
Me: "What did you do?"
Andy: "I went up the slide"
Me: "Then what?"
Andy: "I touched her shoes"
Me: "And?"
Andy: "Her shoes fell off and I just grabbed them"
Me: "And then what happened?"
Andy: "I ran around with her shoes and then put them down nicely when I saw her crying. I just ran away. I couldn't take her crying"
Me: "Did you know she was upset because you took her shoes?"
Andy: "No"
Me: "Did you know she was telling her daddy someone was being mean to her? I think instead of time out it would be good for you to apologize tomorrow. Can you do that?"
Andy: "What?!! I feel like such a jerk now (hands on his head with tears welling up)!! I can't stand this. I'm such a jerk! I'm putting myself in time out. I just need some time. I'm such a jerk. How could I do this to her?"
Bless his heart. We talked about how his being upset showed me that he really cares about other people. And even though it was hard, his honesty is good. We talked about the fact that when we are upset about the things we do it is our brains way of telling us we need to change something so we can care about others better. So really... being upset can help you make better choices.
We'll see how the apology goes tomorrow. Hopefully the forgiveness is just as sincere.
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Who Got the Funk?
New Things: Auctioned 3 paintings at my church's aution for missions, decided I would be a good waitress if needed, after much prayer a few jobs are starting to become apparent as possibilities.
"Bad news bears" is a way to describe my attitude this past week. I could tell you the hundreds of things I had to do that had me running around crazy. I could tell you all the insane things the kids were doing at work that made me want to pull my hair out. I could complain about the things I volunteered to do that ended up being a waste of time. I could justify my reaction to friends that were being thoughtless and inconsiderate. I could blame my body, being exhausted, and needing coffee. I could pretend that it's everyone else. BUT let's be honest my bad attitude is all my fault.
I've been struggling spiritually for awhile now but this past week was the culmination of it all. I do my school work, I read Scripture, I pray, I meet with people to counsel, I am a mentor, I help lead our small groups at church, I serve where is needed or requested, I speak the truth, I meet with friends, I work with kids that are struggling with their behaviors, I work with parents struggling with their kids, I am everything to every person as much I can. I am actively finding ways to honor God with my time. And then I get burned out and decide I need rest. I need a break. But I can't take a break. I can't just stop my life, let those people down, walk away. So I form this attitude that tells the world I deserve rest because of all the things I do. I deserve recognition because I'm fighting through this struggle. I'm spiritually drained but yet I'm giving myself up for all the things I do. I am physically and spiritually sick.
The words of my mouth have become bitter and distasteful. I'm coming to church wishing I were anywhere else. I read my Bible searching for "the way out" that 1 Cor 10:13 promises when facing temptations. I'm fighting a losing battle.
It occurred to me Sunday what I should have been battling: idolatry. I was losing the battle because I was fighting the wrong thing. I was battling other people, circumstances, things that are not mine to control. In reality, although God has still been central to my life, I have limited him to be one of many gods in my life. I was praying to the god of marriage, the god of career, the god of rest, the god of the past, the god of the future, the god of success, the god of approval, the god of purity, the god of contentment. I want all of these things. I know God is truly sovereign over each struggle but somehow I was trying to get these things without humbly going before God and seeking him.
Once I realized my idolatry, it made since that I have been working on my own power to do everything. No wonder I've been exhausted at trying so hard with little results. Last week revealed that I am not enough, I need God. Neglecting God drove me to funkytown. Worst roadtrip ever! Good to be back.
"Bad news bears" is a way to describe my attitude this past week. I could tell you the hundreds of things I had to do that had me running around crazy. I could tell you all the insane things the kids were doing at work that made me want to pull my hair out. I could complain about the things I volunteered to do that ended up being a waste of time. I could justify my reaction to friends that were being thoughtless and inconsiderate. I could blame my body, being exhausted, and needing coffee. I could pretend that it's everyone else. BUT let's be honest my bad attitude is all my fault.
I've been struggling spiritually for awhile now but this past week was the culmination of it all. I do my school work, I read Scripture, I pray, I meet with people to counsel, I am a mentor, I help lead our small groups at church, I serve where is needed or requested, I speak the truth, I meet with friends, I work with kids that are struggling with their behaviors, I work with parents struggling with their kids, I am everything to every person as much I can. I am actively finding ways to honor God with my time. And then I get burned out and decide I need rest. I need a break. But I can't take a break. I can't just stop my life, let those people down, walk away. So I form this attitude that tells the world I deserve rest because of all the things I do. I deserve recognition because I'm fighting through this struggle. I'm spiritually drained but yet I'm giving myself up for all the things I do. I am physically and spiritually sick.
The words of my mouth have become bitter and distasteful. I'm coming to church wishing I were anywhere else. I read my Bible searching for "the way out" that 1 Cor 10:13 promises when facing temptations. I'm fighting a losing battle.
It occurred to me Sunday what I should have been battling: idolatry. I was losing the battle because I was fighting the wrong thing. I was battling other people, circumstances, things that are not mine to control. In reality, although God has still been central to my life, I have limited him to be one of many gods in my life. I was praying to the god of marriage, the god of career, the god of rest, the god of the past, the god of the future, the god of success, the god of approval, the god of purity, the god of contentment. I want all of these things. I know God is truly sovereign over each struggle but somehow I was trying to get these things without humbly going before God and seeking him.
Once I realized my idolatry, it made since that I have been working on my own power to do everything. No wonder I've been exhausted at trying so hard with little results. Last week revealed that I am not enough, I need God. Neglecting God drove me to funkytown. Worst roadtrip ever! Good to be back.
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Making a Career out of Prayer
New Things: First time to write two blogs in one sitting
Ever since college I have had a clear passion to work in inner city ministry. I came to seminary seeking to be trained in counseling so I would be biblically prepared to give sound counsel and hope to those that are not always in the Church's radar. It brought tears to my eyes to see the Church's support in the Dean Road's ministry in college. Parents were getting out of jail, getting jobs, going to church, singing children's choir songs with their children, joining us in bible club, coming to upward basketball games, hearing the gospel. There was such much more that I needed to do but didn't know how.
Once I got to seminary, I began to sift through my options as a biblical counselor. Not many for the female population and even fewer in the Church. I do not oppose the Baptist stance on men pastors but I do understand there is not much opportunity. As I traveled my desire to be in the inner city grew as I experienced bigger cities and more people. I was not going to hate God sending me to New York, Chicago, Seattle, or even Africa. I just want to be with people. I got the question all the time "What are you going to do after school?" As always I would say "Live life with people".
I began to seriously pray about some of my concerns about finding a job that allow me to do what I believe God has gifted me to do and given me a passion for. Most ministries I have researched required me to raise my own support. I am not against raising money for ministry but I am terrible at it. And even though God can stretch me in my faith, I right now do not feel like God is asking me to do that. I also really desired a big city where I could work a full time job with benefits. I don't need a lot of money but I do desire to be a big girl and not rely on my parents for anything financially out of honor for their service to me. They have given so much to me and did so gladly because they support my education and desires in ministry. But bless their hearts if I didn't recognize their sacrifice for me.
Up until last week I had no leads on a job. I had some ideas of places I could apply. I didn't really want to stay at the YMCA mostly because I see what a full time position there does to a person's schedule. I was just hoping God would show up. He knew I was struggling. I'm fearful of what's after school. I'm fearful of failing or not figuring it out. But God was so good this week. Within 24 hrs I had a boss and professor suggest to me and recommend that I apply for full time positions they had heard about. Even if neither were actually possibilities, it is so good to know God is concerned with what I'm concerned. He has not forgotten my worries.
I prefer one of the jobs over the other just because it really would fit within the specifics I have brought before God about a future job. It would definitely fit within the realm of my dream job. I would be blessed and challenged. However the other job is the unknown and unfamiliar. I don't have as much experience but it may be even better than what I can imagine. I'm just grateful God is in my struggle with me.
All this to say, my prayer is what has kept in a state of thanksgiving when I could be freakin out. My prayers remind me to that God is working in the things that matter to me and worry me. He is sovereign in my circumstances. He has a plan and a means. He is God who answers.
Ever since college I have had a clear passion to work in inner city ministry. I came to seminary seeking to be trained in counseling so I would be biblically prepared to give sound counsel and hope to those that are not always in the Church's radar. It brought tears to my eyes to see the Church's support in the Dean Road's ministry in college. Parents were getting out of jail, getting jobs, going to church, singing children's choir songs with their children, joining us in bible club, coming to upward basketball games, hearing the gospel. There was such much more that I needed to do but didn't know how.
Once I got to seminary, I began to sift through my options as a biblical counselor. Not many for the female population and even fewer in the Church. I do not oppose the Baptist stance on men pastors but I do understand there is not much opportunity. As I traveled my desire to be in the inner city grew as I experienced bigger cities and more people. I was not going to hate God sending me to New York, Chicago, Seattle, or even Africa. I just want to be with people. I got the question all the time "What are you going to do after school?" As always I would say "Live life with people".
I began to seriously pray about some of my concerns about finding a job that allow me to do what I believe God has gifted me to do and given me a passion for. Most ministries I have researched required me to raise my own support. I am not against raising money for ministry but I am terrible at it. And even though God can stretch me in my faith, I right now do not feel like God is asking me to do that. I also really desired a big city where I could work a full time job with benefits. I don't need a lot of money but I do desire to be a big girl and not rely on my parents for anything financially out of honor for their service to me. They have given so much to me and did so gladly because they support my education and desires in ministry. But bless their hearts if I didn't recognize their sacrifice for me.
Up until last week I had no leads on a job. I had some ideas of places I could apply. I didn't really want to stay at the YMCA mostly because I see what a full time position there does to a person's schedule. I was just hoping God would show up. He knew I was struggling. I'm fearful of what's after school. I'm fearful of failing or not figuring it out. But God was so good this week. Within 24 hrs I had a boss and professor suggest to me and recommend that I apply for full time positions they had heard about. Even if neither were actually possibilities, it is so good to know God is concerned with what I'm concerned. He has not forgotten my worries.
I prefer one of the jobs over the other just because it really would fit within the specifics I have brought before God about a future job. It would definitely fit within the realm of my dream job. I would be blessed and challenged. However the other job is the unknown and unfamiliar. I don't have as much experience but it may be even better than what I can imagine. I'm just grateful God is in my struggle with me.
All this to say, my prayer is what has kept in a state of thanksgiving when I could be freakin out. My prayers remind me to that God is working in the things that matter to me and worry me. He is sovereign in my circumstances. He has a plan and a means. He is God who answers.
Mute Sheep
New things: Kumquats, dark chocolate edamame, Salt water taffy (I need to try something besides foods), NCAA Bracket
I really have no way of explaining a comment like "mute sheep". You just had to be there. You get 7 girls in circle talking about life, scary cats, and mute sheep and there's no telling what the point of it all is. But the thing I appreciate about these 7 girls is the ease in conversation. New jobs, stresses in life, friends that don't know God. We can laugh, tease, dance, drink coffee, challenge one another, ask questions, speak truth, and in the end there's no place I'd rather be. We sat there for hours talking, knowing each other. There is a point to these conversations but I'm pretty sure you would be jealous.
I have always been blessed to have a group of girls that I know will always be there, support me and love me no matter where I am. I grew up with a group of girls in Birmingham that in every way possible clashed except for the fact we fit perfectly. I have been in most of their weddings. I hope they'll be in mine. I'm visiting on the holidays stoked to see their children or homes while we gather to truly fellowship and know one another again. Now that I'm off in a new state, I'm not forgotten. They check up on me, love me in crisis, and are eager for my graduation. I love you b'ham girls.
In college, I a few groups of friends. All were highly infuential in my life for one reason or another. I was in some of those weddings too. Besides my college roommate I don't keep up with many of my college friends but for that time in my life they were God sent. College transformed my life. The Church took on a whole new meaning in the way I dealt with sin in my life. I experienced things that I have yet to get over. My degree was one of the least important things that I gained from college. My college roommate was also a friend from Birmingham. During college she became a sister. We experienced so many things together, distance will never change that. I'm thankful for such solid friends.
I moved to NC for seminary. Leaving home that time was more difficult. I knew I was leaving people that loved and supported me but I had to have faith I was being obedient. I moved in to my dorm (which was disgusting and the first time I ever lived in a dorm), said bye to my dad, and all alone. The next day I got ready for orientation, joined the other few hundred newbies and felt alone... for about an hour. Loneliness was never a strong suit of mine. I picked out a girl to be friends with and said "I don't have any friends here yet, wanna be friends?" She said "yeah, I like your shoes". Match made. She, her roommate and I started searching for a church. We met a few other girls on the way and soon formed the Fab Five. Five turned into many like-minded girls ready to take on Raleigh. As we branched out as we met others, some are married, one having a child, all out of school (me in May). Jobs will take us different places. Our futures are still ahead of us. I've lived here for 5 years now and have a group of girls that I crave to spend time with. I'm incredibly blessed to have the support, encouragement and love.
I'm so thankful for all my friend near and far. I hope my friends know I think of them often and pray for them. I want nothing less than the goodness of God in their lives. There is such beauty in my friends because I know they are a gift from God.
I really have no way of explaining a comment like "mute sheep". You just had to be there. You get 7 girls in circle talking about life, scary cats, and mute sheep and there's no telling what the point of it all is. But the thing I appreciate about these 7 girls is the ease in conversation. New jobs, stresses in life, friends that don't know God. We can laugh, tease, dance, drink coffee, challenge one another, ask questions, speak truth, and in the end there's no place I'd rather be. We sat there for hours talking, knowing each other. There is a point to these conversations but I'm pretty sure you would be jealous.
I have always been blessed to have a group of girls that I know will always be there, support me and love me no matter where I am. I grew up with a group of girls in Birmingham that in every way possible clashed except for the fact we fit perfectly. I have been in most of their weddings. I hope they'll be in mine. I'm visiting on the holidays stoked to see their children or homes while we gather to truly fellowship and know one another again. Now that I'm off in a new state, I'm not forgotten. They check up on me, love me in crisis, and are eager for my graduation. I love you b'ham girls.
In college, I a few groups of friends. All were highly infuential in my life for one reason or another. I was in some of those weddings too. Besides my college roommate I don't keep up with many of my college friends but for that time in my life they were God sent. College transformed my life. The Church took on a whole new meaning in the way I dealt with sin in my life. I experienced things that I have yet to get over. My degree was one of the least important things that I gained from college. My college roommate was also a friend from Birmingham. During college she became a sister. We experienced so many things together, distance will never change that. I'm thankful for such solid friends.
I moved to NC for seminary. Leaving home that time was more difficult. I knew I was leaving people that loved and supported me but I had to have faith I was being obedient. I moved in to my dorm (which was disgusting and the first time I ever lived in a dorm), said bye to my dad, and all alone. The next day I got ready for orientation, joined the other few hundred newbies and felt alone... for about an hour. Loneliness was never a strong suit of mine. I picked out a girl to be friends with and said "I don't have any friends here yet, wanna be friends?" She said "yeah, I like your shoes". Match made. She, her roommate and I started searching for a church. We met a few other girls on the way and soon formed the Fab Five. Five turned into many like-minded girls ready to take on Raleigh. As we branched out as we met others, some are married, one having a child, all out of school (me in May). Jobs will take us different places. Our futures are still ahead of us. I've lived here for 5 years now and have a group of girls that I crave to spend time with. I'm incredibly blessed to have the support, encouragement and love.
I'm so thankful for all my friend near and far. I hope my friends know I think of them often and pray for them. I want nothing less than the goodness of God in their lives. There is such beauty in my friends because I know they are a gift from God.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
Cookie Dough makes Everything Better
New Things: The Oxford, Got a planner and using it, Relish Restaurant
Today = Bad day... that is if I let it be a bad day.
We are out of control. I have no authority. I have only options I may present in any given situation but the options are only possibilities. One of my biggest fears is the children at work will one day realize I have no control over them. Once they know my limitations I'm sure they'll go "Lord of the Flies" on me. I resort to punishment or discipline but with hopes of change with little expectation. Today was one of those days!
I go to work (and my fault) I forget to set up someone to open with me. Kinda unsafe with the amount of responsibilities there is to open the program. Then the typical few kids that talk back, act out, get aggressive, and stubborn!! In frustration, I sit them down and make them listen to me (the ultimate punishment). I leave work in the morning, get in my car, and pick up my bag to look for my phone. The genius that I am pick it up by the zipper and it breaks off... awesome! Then I drive to starbucks with hopes of caffeine just before I start track out with 28 5 year olds.
On my way to track out all I could do was pray "God, please help me control my attitude" because I know that's all I can offer. I can't control the kids, my coffee, a broken purse, or work. I have to be obedient to God for my actions and trust in God for others' actions. And when things don't go according to plan, I check my heart, seek God, speak Truth and then let it go.
As my day went on, I lost my voice, got a crick in my neck, and dealt with crazy kids' parents. Nothing got better except my attitude... and it my attitude said I needed cookie dough.
Today = Bad day... that is if I let it be a bad day.
We are out of control. I have no authority. I have only options I may present in any given situation but the options are only possibilities. One of my biggest fears is the children at work will one day realize I have no control over them. Once they know my limitations I'm sure they'll go "Lord of the Flies" on me. I resort to punishment or discipline but with hopes of change with little expectation. Today was one of those days!
I go to work (and my fault) I forget to set up someone to open with me. Kinda unsafe with the amount of responsibilities there is to open the program. Then the typical few kids that talk back, act out, get aggressive, and stubborn!! In frustration, I sit them down and make them listen to me (the ultimate punishment). I leave work in the morning, get in my car, and pick up my bag to look for my phone. The genius that I am pick it up by the zipper and it breaks off... awesome! Then I drive to starbucks with hopes of caffeine just before I start track out with 28 5 year olds.
On my way to track out all I could do was pray "God, please help me control my attitude" because I know that's all I can offer. I can't control the kids, my coffee, a broken purse, or work. I have to be obedient to God for my actions and trust in God for others' actions. And when things don't go according to plan, I check my heart, seek God, speak Truth and then let it go.
As my day went on, I lost my voice, got a crick in my neck, and dealt with crazy kids' parents. Nothing got better except my attitude... and it my attitude said I needed cookie dough.
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
Apartment Etiquette
New Things: The movie Safe House, Dyed my hair chocolate brown
Now that I understand we can say whatever we want to our neighbors, no matter how ridiculous, I've listed a few of my own complaints about apartment living.
1. There are two types of good neighbors: a) those that get to know you, the good and bad, and b) those that keep to themselves completely. This means there is either a genuine relationship where care and friendship is the foundation in which conflict can be handled rightly, or I don't have to listen to you.
2. If you own pets, please keep their poop out of the grass. Barking can only happen between 9am-5pm, except when I'm home for a nap. No cats allowed, I'm allergic.
3. No babies (see #2)
4. Keep kids away from the pool. I don't care if they are with adult supervision. They are loud and splash water on me.
5. No having guests over to your home. The noise reminds me that I was not invited.
6. There is not enough parking. Therefore, if you do have guests have them move their car for me when I come home so I don't have to walk.
7. Take 3 min showers and recycle water being used for cooking. We share a water bill throughout the building and I don't want to be responsible for you.
8. Everyone needs to buy their own printer. I get frustrated when the ink is out in the business center printer.
9. Boyfriends do not have opinions
10. No moving around in your home because heavy footsteps, children playing, animals running, sitting down, or dropping objects cause me to be irrationally irritated.
Now that I understand we can say whatever we want to our neighbors, no matter how ridiculous, I've listed a few of my own complaints about apartment living.
1. There are two types of good neighbors: a) those that get to know you, the good and bad, and b) those that keep to themselves completely. This means there is either a genuine relationship where care and friendship is the foundation in which conflict can be handled rightly, or I don't have to listen to you.
2. If you own pets, please keep their poop out of the grass. Barking can only happen between 9am-5pm, except when I'm home for a nap. No cats allowed, I'm allergic.
3. No babies (see #2)
4. Keep kids away from the pool. I don't care if they are with adult supervision. They are loud and splash water on me.
5. No having guests over to your home. The noise reminds me that I was not invited.
6. There is not enough parking. Therefore, if you do have guests have them move their car for me when I come home so I don't have to walk.
7. Take 3 min showers and recycle water being used for cooking. We share a water bill throughout the building and I don't want to be responsible for you.
8. Everyone needs to buy their own printer. I get frustrated when the ink is out in the business center printer.
9. Boyfriends do not have opinions
10. No moving around in your home because heavy footsteps, children playing, animals running, sitting down, or dropping objects cause me to be irrationally irritated.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Diving into an empty pool
New Things: Chuck E. Cheese, Mellow Mushroom Trivia Night, Peanut Butter M&Ms addiction, Visited the SPCA
Most people jump to conclusions. A slice of time and context can be the gateway for the imagination to run away. Possibilities and stories are created in the mind to the point that it is blurred with reality. Presuppositions are concrete and facts are irrelevant. People don't jump, they plunge into the extremes: the worst possible scenario or the hope for a lovestruck stocker.
I'm logical. I like to think fully through a situation. I view things in all perspectives before forming my opinions and conclusions. I won't let my eyes deceive me. I ask questions and assume the best in people. I won't share my opinions as fact. I assume the worst in myself before I do in others. Innocent until proven guilty. (mom always thought I'd be a good lawyer).
A week ago I helped teach a devotional for work. I started out giving a list of words and asked the group to raise their hands if they thought the word was positive or negative. The list: wicked, sick, feminine, easy, work, lost, hysterical, and baby. Each of these words on their own at first glance can be good or bad. The idea was being positive is a whole person job. Our words, actions, relationships, purpose, intentions, etc... are part of the context that creates this positive influence in children's lives.
The same is true in our lives. A cute guy smiles at me may be the same smile he gives grandma. A dirty look from a girl may be a confused look after one of my thought provoking remarks. A child that has a sinful attitude is still a sinful attitude but it may be influenced by an unloving home or a bully at school. A friend that talks lounder than everyone else may not be deaf as much as they need compassion or attention. A friend that keeps things to themselves is not a slam to a friendship as much as it is a defense mechanism. A car that cuts you off in traffic may not be impatient but their wife could be in labor or running away from the cops.
This way of thinking is not permission to wallow in the various possibilities. It is not ok to think the best in yourself so that the scenario seems to go your way. It is simply my way of not worrying about everything until I know what's real, and then accepting it. God tells us not to worry because knows us, our desires, our needs. He takes care of the flowers and birds. Why on earth would we believe he would neglect his children? He also says that he will not allow us to go through any temptation without providiing a way out. When we worry it is because we do not trust these two promises from God.
Most people jump to conclusions. A slice of time and context can be the gateway for the imagination to run away. Possibilities and stories are created in the mind to the point that it is blurred with reality. Presuppositions are concrete and facts are irrelevant. People don't jump, they plunge into the extremes: the worst possible scenario or the hope for a lovestruck stocker.
I'm logical. I like to think fully through a situation. I view things in all perspectives before forming my opinions and conclusions. I won't let my eyes deceive me. I ask questions and assume the best in people. I won't share my opinions as fact. I assume the worst in myself before I do in others. Innocent until proven guilty. (mom always thought I'd be a good lawyer).
A week ago I helped teach a devotional for work. I started out giving a list of words and asked the group to raise their hands if they thought the word was positive or negative. The list: wicked, sick, feminine, easy, work, lost, hysterical, and baby. Each of these words on their own at first glance can be good or bad. The idea was being positive is a whole person job. Our words, actions, relationships, purpose, intentions, etc... are part of the context that creates this positive influence in children's lives.
The same is true in our lives. A cute guy smiles at me may be the same smile he gives grandma. A dirty look from a girl may be a confused look after one of my thought provoking remarks. A child that has a sinful attitude is still a sinful attitude but it may be influenced by an unloving home or a bully at school. A friend that talks lounder than everyone else may not be deaf as much as they need compassion or attention. A friend that keeps things to themselves is not a slam to a friendship as much as it is a defense mechanism. A car that cuts you off in traffic may not be impatient but their wife could be in labor or running away from the cops.
This way of thinking is not permission to wallow in the various possibilities. It is not ok to think the best in yourself so that the scenario seems to go your way. It is simply my way of not worrying about everything until I know what's real, and then accepting it. God tells us not to worry because knows us, our desires, our needs. He takes care of the flowers and birds. Why on earth would we believe he would neglect his children? He also says that he will not allow us to go through any temptation without providiing a way out. When we worry it is because we do not trust these two promises from God.
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Back to the Future
New things: Circus!!
I have a k-5 boy at work that has self-appointed himself as my "helper". Really that means he walks with me to the office so he gets a special toy to play with when he is fed up with his group's activity. He is a challenge most of the time, but lets be honest, that's why I love him. Or it is because he brought me roses for Valentines Day. He got mad at me the other day for not letting him go to another group's activity so he threw a block, tensed his body and in a truly angry voice said to me "I'm mad at you! Wanna play Uno?" With an invitation like that, who could resist.
Today, however, was one of those days that reminded me of my entire life's purpose. I totally can see God's work in my life to bring me to this point! My education, jobs, desires, gifts from God, burdens, and joy all point me to my desire to love and serve those that can't speak up for themselves. The child that cannot count on their parents for a future. For the girl that does not believe they are valuable. For the boy that refuses to choose the narrow path. For the parents that have found themselves in jail, drugs or bankruptcy.
Today: My dear friend was having a moment. Frustrated getting out in a game and shoved a girl that was quite concerned with his integrity of playing the game fairly. When he came to me you could see him at boiling point. Outside in front of the school he began to run away from me because he refused to come sit down. DANGER! I'm not trying to run after a 5 year old, he's fast! Thankfully, he had set limitations in his mind how far he could run. He stopped at the edge of the grass before it hits the sidewalk next to the street. He allowed me to catch him. I picked him up and got him in the cafeteria and held him in my lap hugging him so that he could not break free, bolting towards the doors. We sat there with him begging me to let go, crying, sweating, and frustrated. Suddenly a purple car arrives in front of the school. A momentary pause paralyzed him and he realizes it is not mom but the car has come for him. It was the aunt. I'm standing with him in my arms, previously struggling to get as far from me as possible, now clinging as tight as he can. Still crying but begging me not to let go. Laying his head on my shourlder with tears streaming down his face. It broke my heart. It scares me. I'm limited and helpless. I can't save him. I have to hand him over. All I can do is hold him close, rub his back and say "I know buddy. I love you".
It broke my heart. All I want is to be able to love them. I want to help. Give hope (in Christ). I want more than to comfort. I want to make a difference. I want to give them their potential.
I have a k-5 boy at work that has self-appointed himself as my "helper". Really that means he walks with me to the office so he gets a special toy to play with when he is fed up with his group's activity. He is a challenge most of the time, but lets be honest, that's why I love him. Or it is because he brought me roses for Valentines Day. He got mad at me the other day for not letting him go to another group's activity so he threw a block, tensed his body and in a truly angry voice said to me "I'm mad at you! Wanna play Uno?" With an invitation like that, who could resist.
Today, however, was one of those days that reminded me of my entire life's purpose. I totally can see God's work in my life to bring me to this point! My education, jobs, desires, gifts from God, burdens, and joy all point me to my desire to love and serve those that can't speak up for themselves. The child that cannot count on their parents for a future. For the girl that does not believe they are valuable. For the boy that refuses to choose the narrow path. For the parents that have found themselves in jail, drugs or bankruptcy.
Today: My dear friend was having a moment. Frustrated getting out in a game and shoved a girl that was quite concerned with his integrity of playing the game fairly. When he came to me you could see him at boiling point. Outside in front of the school he began to run away from me because he refused to come sit down. DANGER! I'm not trying to run after a 5 year old, he's fast! Thankfully, he had set limitations in his mind how far he could run. He stopped at the edge of the grass before it hits the sidewalk next to the street. He allowed me to catch him. I picked him up and got him in the cafeteria and held him in my lap hugging him so that he could not break free, bolting towards the doors. We sat there with him begging me to let go, crying, sweating, and frustrated. Suddenly a purple car arrives in front of the school. A momentary pause paralyzed him and he realizes it is not mom but the car has come for him. It was the aunt. I'm standing with him in my arms, previously struggling to get as far from me as possible, now clinging as tight as he can. Still crying but begging me not to let go. Laying his head on my shourlder with tears streaming down his face. It broke my heart. It scares me. I'm limited and helpless. I can't save him. I have to hand him over. All I can do is hold him close, rub his back and say "I know buddy. I love you".
It broke my heart. All I want is to be able to love them. I want to help. Give hope (in Christ). I want more than to comfort. I want to make a difference. I want to give them their potential.
Friday, February 3, 2012
Diagnosis for Crazy
New Things: Read "Life Together" by Bonhoeffer, cooked enchiladas, ate at Over the Falls Deli new location, Watched Taking the Pelham 123
I can only explain my ridiculous behavior with the possibility that I might actually be crazy. Please don't judge me and love me despite myself. My apologies for how my crazy might effect you.
(These are in no particular order. All are equally crazy.)
1. I can't start a new book (or reading assignment) until I have finished the current one. The same goes with a tv show and chores.
2. I think it is better to sleep on the floor than my queen size sleigh bed with a new mattress.
3. The one thing that makes me feel better is actually the thing that makes me feel worse- COOKIE DOUGH or Running
4. My medicine is a dance party
5. I do not enjoy technology
6. Giving me a compliment is one of the worst things you can do to me.
7. A person of few words is most impressive to me.
8. Avocado, coffee, and bread are the staples in my diet.
9. I hate boardgames and game night because I am unhealthily competitive
10. I daydream about "what if" tragedy scenarios in my life
11. I order from menus based on how fun it is to say "Medium Mighty Meaty Mellow Mushroom" or "Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity"
12. I like movies that make the criminal seem intelligent.
13. I eat my food one ingredient at a time. (i.e. pizza: I eat the toppings, cheese, sauce, then bread)
14. A routine or predictability unnerves me.
15. I cannot concentrate without noise
16. The sound of a clock ticking or a turning signal drives me crazy.
17. I am a stickler on words being used appropriately. The words "love", "hate", "always", and "never" are too strong of words to throw around so lightly.
18. I waste time thinking about the most odd things, like why are there white crayons? why does a cloud represent a dream in cartoons? Is the color blue the same for everyone or do we just know to call that color blue? Why are Kenyans faster than everyone else? How does pushing a button on a box freeze time in a picture? What happened to Fraggle Rock?
19. I love trying to figure out the logic of a 5 year old or working with the most challenging child. The sad thing is I'm usually tracking their flow.
20. I have a shoulder dance that I do to my own beat that is now a universal sign for "oh yeah, this is happening to me right now"
21. I have a ridiculous knack for attracting the most unique situations like being paid to stop singing karaoke, share the gospel with a Druid, having a 50 year old woo me after meeting at Starbucks, laying tile at a bona fied hoarder's house, having my very own stalker, crazy guy that tried to live in my basement in college, being robbed by my next door neighbor, climbing a roof for a kid's shoe at work (these will be stories you get to view on the blog at some point).
22. I thrive off of foolish challenges. (ride a tricycle, have a dance off with a stranger, cupcake eating contest, take bets)
23. I'm terrified of public speaking but don't think twice about speaking my mind.
24. I have an unruly fear of horses, feet, falling asleep to silence, holding babies, and the Maasai Market in Kenya.
25. I drink hot coffee in the summer more than I drink water.
I can only explain my ridiculous behavior with the possibility that I might actually be crazy. Please don't judge me and love me despite myself. My apologies for how my crazy might effect you.
(These are in no particular order. All are equally crazy.)
1. I can't start a new book (or reading assignment) until I have finished the current one. The same goes with a tv show and chores.
2. I think it is better to sleep on the floor than my queen size sleigh bed with a new mattress.
3. The one thing that makes me feel better is actually the thing that makes me feel worse- COOKIE DOUGH or Running
4. My medicine is a dance party
5. I do not enjoy technology
6. Giving me a compliment is one of the worst things you can do to me.
7. A person of few words is most impressive to me.
8. Avocado, coffee, and bread are the staples in my diet.
9. I hate boardgames and game night because I am unhealthily competitive
10. I daydream about "what if" tragedy scenarios in my life
11. I order from menus based on how fun it is to say "Medium Mighty Meaty Mellow Mushroom" or "Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity"
12. I like movies that make the criminal seem intelligent.
13. I eat my food one ingredient at a time. (i.e. pizza: I eat the toppings, cheese, sauce, then bread)
14. A routine or predictability unnerves me.
15. I cannot concentrate without noise
16. The sound of a clock ticking or a turning signal drives me crazy.
17. I am a stickler on words being used appropriately. The words "love", "hate", "always", and "never" are too strong of words to throw around so lightly.
18. I waste time thinking about the most odd things, like why are there white crayons? why does a cloud represent a dream in cartoons? Is the color blue the same for everyone or do we just know to call that color blue? Why are Kenyans faster than everyone else? How does pushing a button on a box freeze time in a picture? What happened to Fraggle Rock?
19. I love trying to figure out the logic of a 5 year old or working with the most challenging child. The sad thing is I'm usually tracking their flow.
20. I have a shoulder dance that I do to my own beat that is now a universal sign for "oh yeah, this is happening to me right now"
21. I have a ridiculous knack for attracting the most unique situations like being paid to stop singing karaoke, share the gospel with a Druid, having a 50 year old woo me after meeting at Starbucks, laying tile at a bona fied hoarder's house, having my very own stalker, crazy guy that tried to live in my basement in college, being robbed by my next door neighbor, climbing a roof for a kid's shoe at work (these will be stories you get to view on the blog at some point).
22. I thrive off of foolish challenges. (ride a tricycle, have a dance off with a stranger, cupcake eating contest, take bets)
23. I'm terrified of public speaking but don't think twice about speaking my mind.
24. I have an unruly fear of horses, feet, falling asleep to silence, holding babies, and the Maasai Market in Kenya.
25. I drink hot coffee in the summer more than I drink water.
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Who Am I?
New Things: Fed a horse (a miniature horse), Finished The Scarlet Letter
The woman that says "I'll pencil you in" is dressed in a grey pencil skirt that fits just below the knees with a white button down blouse tucked in and a matching grey blazor to fit on top. Maybe ruby red pumps with a matching thin belt clasped at the high waste of the skirt. Her hair is definitely blonde, pulled back in a bun, no bangs, with a part on the side. Her skin is white as snow, kissed with a hint of blush, and glossed lips with a bold red that lets you know when she speaks, you need to listen. Her eyebrows are perfectly arched or maybe tattooed. Her eyes pierce your soul when she addresses you but her voice is calm and steady. She is confident, organized, and oriented for success. She is not me!!
Then there is a woman that says "See ya later". She has no cares, no calendars, appointments, or responsiblities. She is a free bird. Maybe a squatter. Definitely a mooch. She usually lets her hair air dry to allow the natural curl or wave to take over the tangled locks. Some make up may be used to cover the imperfections, but not enough to all anyone to believe make up is a necessity. She decorates her body with giant gold earrings and bangles, a green or yellow scarf around her head and some kind of bohemian dress that follows the earth tone color palette. She is probably barefoot or at the least flip flops with no nails painted. Experiencing life is more valuable than success. She works for a cause but is not personal. She is not me!
Finally, there is a woman that says "Let's get coffee". She plans but refuses to be bound to the limitations of time. She works hard to make the lives of others better. It may be a laugh, a piece of art, getting coffee, going for a jog, spending time together, giving advice or raw honesty. She is down to earth. She doesn't like to be flashy but loves adventure. She's everything to everyone. She can hang with "pencil you in" or "see ya later" women but perfers to not be an appointment or fleeting thought. She wears dark washed holy jeans with a white v neck t-shirt. A cool scarf and hat adds to her spunk. There is touch of antiuity, locket or classic novel, that gives her an appreciation of ancestory. She is charming and welcoming to all. She is who I want to be.
With all my heart I just want "to get coffee" but lately I've found myself "penciling in you". My life has been reduced to 50 min appointments as I try to fit in the counseling appointments, mentoring, work, work meetings, church, leadership meetings, small group meetings, teaching, studying, babysitting, service, parties, friends, and school starts next week. With all this going on, I curl up in a ball and choose to become "see ya later" girl. Give up on all the people that are trying to see me. I need Lindsay time, my book, coffee, painting earbuds and nothing else. No wonder women are so complex! The more simple I want to be, life finds a way to pull me in three directions. Good luck guys, you'll never figure me out!
The woman that says "I'll pencil you in" is dressed in a grey pencil skirt that fits just below the knees with a white button down blouse tucked in and a matching grey blazor to fit on top. Maybe ruby red pumps with a matching thin belt clasped at the high waste of the skirt. Her hair is definitely blonde, pulled back in a bun, no bangs, with a part on the side. Her skin is white as snow, kissed with a hint of blush, and glossed lips with a bold red that lets you know when she speaks, you need to listen. Her eyebrows are perfectly arched or maybe tattooed. Her eyes pierce your soul when she addresses you but her voice is calm and steady. She is confident, organized, and oriented for success. She is not me!!
Then there is a woman that says "See ya later". She has no cares, no calendars, appointments, or responsiblities. She is a free bird. Maybe a squatter. Definitely a mooch. She usually lets her hair air dry to allow the natural curl or wave to take over the tangled locks. Some make up may be used to cover the imperfections, but not enough to all anyone to believe make up is a necessity. She decorates her body with giant gold earrings and bangles, a green or yellow scarf around her head and some kind of bohemian dress that follows the earth tone color palette. She is probably barefoot or at the least flip flops with no nails painted. Experiencing life is more valuable than success. She works for a cause but is not personal. She is not me!
Finally, there is a woman that says "Let's get coffee". She plans but refuses to be bound to the limitations of time. She works hard to make the lives of others better. It may be a laugh, a piece of art, getting coffee, going for a jog, spending time together, giving advice or raw honesty. She is down to earth. She doesn't like to be flashy but loves adventure. She's everything to everyone. She can hang with "pencil you in" or "see ya later" women but perfers to not be an appointment or fleeting thought. She wears dark washed holy jeans with a white v neck t-shirt. A cool scarf and hat adds to her spunk. There is touch of antiuity, locket or classic novel, that gives her an appreciation of ancestory. She is charming and welcoming to all. She is who I want to be.
With all my heart I just want "to get coffee" but lately I've found myself "penciling in you". My life has been reduced to 50 min appointments as I try to fit in the counseling appointments, mentoring, work, work meetings, church, leadership meetings, small group meetings, teaching, studying, babysitting, service, parties, friends, and school starts next week. With all this going on, I curl up in a ball and choose to become "see ya later" girl. Give up on all the people that are trying to see me. I need Lindsay time, my book, coffee, painting earbuds and nothing else. No wonder women are so complex! The more simple I want to be, life finds a way to pull me in three directions. Good luck guys, you'll never figure me out!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Kids Say the Darndest Things
New Things: Making woopie pies, taking medicine
I don't remember at what point I stopped thinking like a child. There must be a moment when the raw truth became more embarrassing than natural. When I realized that truth brings out insecurities or somehow robbed me of getting what I wanted. It somehow is socially unacceptable to be completely honest while at the same time it is un-Christian to be anything less.
The women in my family yield the truth to no one, but it is the young girls in my family that have taught me the freedom in truth.
My niece Zooey, is so precious. I'm not a mother but she makes me want to be one. She is about 1 1/2 years old so truth is mere reality as far as she can understand it at this point. She has learned well the importance of prayer and the courtesy of "thank you" although sometimes both are used at the wrong time (I guess prayer can never be a wrong time, but blessing before dinner turns into intermittent prayers throughout dinner). Her newest trick is "poopy time". She is learning to use the potty and gets super excited that she has learned to identify "poopy time" as the actual time. Once the event has come to fruition she yells there is great appaulse and celebration for this truth that otherwise seem crude. Yet we boast in her honesty and accomplishments. I'm so proud of my Zooey! (No sarcasm, for real, she's awesome!!)
My youngest counsin is the poster child for romance taboo. Brea is probably one of the most honest, out going, energetic ball of fun you'll ever meet. I admire her for her ability to be vulnerable and persistent. She is a real go getter. I believe with all my heart, the world will not be able to smite Brea from being great. She is fearless. However, she has broken every rule there is in the romance area. Brea, at the ripe age of 7, has now been in love with the same boy for 2 years. In adult world, this is normal or accepted but mostly because we girls will hold these emotions in our vaults of secrecy and die before we ever let the boy know he is the peanut butter to my jelly. But not Brea! Day 1 she walks up to (said boy) and announces her love for him. The first time I heard about (said boy), Brea tells me "I love him but he doesn't love me. I just need to wear him down." That girl has real gumption. She doesn't allow for the chase or maybe she understands there is no chase. She is always available and leaves no mystery. She doesn't mind wearing the pants in the relationship. I'm sure by now he has seen their wedding plans in her drawing notebook. If he has escaped their future children's names discussion he is doing well. In the end, Brea loves him and that alone makes her happy.
As far as I can tell there is no shame in celebrating in your victories or showing how much you love someone.
I don't remember at what point I stopped thinking like a child. There must be a moment when the raw truth became more embarrassing than natural. When I realized that truth brings out insecurities or somehow robbed me of getting what I wanted. It somehow is socially unacceptable to be completely honest while at the same time it is un-Christian to be anything less.
The women in my family yield the truth to no one, but it is the young girls in my family that have taught me the freedom in truth.
My niece Zooey, is so precious. I'm not a mother but she makes me want to be one. She is about 1 1/2 years old so truth is mere reality as far as she can understand it at this point. She has learned well the importance of prayer and the courtesy of "thank you" although sometimes both are used at the wrong time (I guess prayer can never be a wrong time, but blessing before dinner turns into intermittent prayers throughout dinner). Her newest trick is "poopy time". She is learning to use the potty and gets super excited that she has learned to identify "poopy time" as the actual time. Once the event has come to fruition she yells there is great appaulse and celebration for this truth that otherwise seem crude. Yet we boast in her honesty and accomplishments. I'm so proud of my Zooey! (No sarcasm, for real, she's awesome!!)
My youngest counsin is the poster child for romance taboo. Brea is probably one of the most honest, out going, energetic ball of fun you'll ever meet. I admire her for her ability to be vulnerable and persistent. She is a real go getter. I believe with all my heart, the world will not be able to smite Brea from being great. She is fearless. However, she has broken every rule there is in the romance area. Brea, at the ripe age of 7, has now been in love with the same boy for 2 years. In adult world, this is normal or accepted but mostly because we girls will hold these emotions in our vaults of secrecy and die before we ever let the boy know he is the peanut butter to my jelly. But not Brea! Day 1 she walks up to (said boy) and announces her love for him. The first time I heard about (said boy), Brea tells me "I love him but he doesn't love me. I just need to wear him down." That girl has real gumption. She doesn't allow for the chase or maybe she understands there is no chase. She is always available and leaves no mystery. She doesn't mind wearing the pants in the relationship. I'm sure by now he has seen their wedding plans in her drawing notebook. If he has escaped their future children's names discussion he is doing well. In the end, Brea loves him and that alone makes her happy.
As far as I can tell there is no shame in celebrating in your victories or showing how much you love someone.
Monday, January 16, 2012
At the Least, I'm Great
New Things: Went to Pullen Park and rode a carousel, ran 4 miles first time this year
I received an email from my daddy yesterday. It was one of those moments that you know you'll remember so you can tell your children one day about "the time your granddaddy taught me how to be great".
The letter is actually quoting my great grandfather's letter to my grandfather on his high school graduation. My great grandfather Earl Core was a man of greatness even in the worldly sense. He has worked with presidents, he was a botanist and professor at WVU, and discovered plants in Columbia to make Quinine to treat malaria for soldiers at war. But his impressive resume was not in the stories I heard growing up. I knew of a man that invited foreign exchange students to his home for the holidays, he married his true love that had no more than a 6th grade education, he loved God and his family. This man taught my paw paw Merle to be great, my dad to be great, and now my brother is great. I am so fortunate to be part of a family that understands God's definiton of greatness, "And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as they had need." Acts 2:45.
Here is an exerpt of the brilliant words of Earl Core, great grandfather, and sentiments of Mike Core, daddy, that led to my increased desire to be great!
"The truly great person is the one who carries more than his share of the burden. Many people because of mental or physical handicaps are dependent on society for a livelihood. The great bulk of the population makes its own way and no more, giving nothing. The few who are truly great are those who carry their own loads, and in addition, contribute to the general welfare of society. Columbus, Shakespeare, Edison, Bell, Washington, Beethoven, Rembrandt, Pasteur, Confucius, Livingston are men who left the world a little richer than they found it. I expect my children to be truly great."
I received an email from my daddy yesterday. It was one of those moments that you know you'll remember so you can tell your children one day about "the time your granddaddy taught me how to be great".
The letter is actually quoting my great grandfather's letter to my grandfather on his high school graduation. My great grandfather Earl Core was a man of greatness even in the worldly sense. He has worked with presidents, he was a botanist and professor at WVU, and discovered plants in Columbia to make Quinine to treat malaria for soldiers at war. But his impressive resume was not in the stories I heard growing up. I knew of a man that invited foreign exchange students to his home for the holidays, he married his true love that had no more than a 6th grade education, he loved God and his family. This man taught my paw paw Merle to be great, my dad to be great, and now my brother is great. I am so fortunate to be part of a family that understands God's definiton of greatness, "And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as they had need." Acts 2:45.
Here is an exerpt of the brilliant words of Earl Core, great grandfather, and sentiments of Mike Core, daddy, that led to my increased desire to be great!
"The truly great person is the one who carries more than his share of the burden. Many people because of mental or physical handicaps are dependent on society for a livelihood. The great bulk of the population makes its own way and no more, giving nothing. The few who are truly great are those who carry their own loads, and in addition, contribute to the general welfare of society. Columbus, Shakespeare, Edison, Bell, Washington, Beethoven, Rembrandt, Pasteur, Confucius, Livingston are men who left the world a little richer than they found it. I expect my children to be truly great."
Those that live for themselves are living with little purpose. They either hoard it all, live in fear, without hope, scraping to succeed or find the one thing they can't live without all to find in the end it wasn't worth the journey. But the brave few that ache inside for the burdens of others, they spend their lives trying to love others with no return accept for finding true love. Nothing is lost and much is gained in finding this love. They understand possessions, status, and luxuries are only lended to us in order to save the lives of those that lost it. It is God that is great! And those that know and love him are truly great.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Victory in Vulnerability
New Things: Bowled a 165, new show "Whitney" is the story of my life
Today I met with a girl to work on some things she desires to improve in her life. She is a very intelligent student, has a big heart, loves horses, the most productive person I've met, and completely vulnerable to the possibilities of improvement. As I listened to her today I realized that I am completely settled in myself even though I am not necessarily confident. Although there are things I would like to change, I'm lazily satisfied with my current condition. It occurred to me that although we don't have a lot in common, our biggest difference is her ability to be vulnerable. So here is my first step... TOP 10 THINGS I NEED TO SHARE TO CONSIDER MYSELF VULNERABLE
10. Reading the Bible is one of my biggest struggles in my walk with God
9. I am completely self conscience of my complexion.
8. I look at the scale at least 3 times a day. The number 140 is unacceptable!
7. I have no money! I literally am living by faith in God to provide enough for me each month.
6. My knees are chubby.
5. I hate my voice; it sounds like countrified boy voice.
4. I have not dated anyone in the last 4 years. I worry about being alone in life.
3. I don't think I'm smart enough. I think I have wit and logic but neither brings success.
2. I am terrible at observing ways to act out love or minister to others unless it is suggested specifically to me.
1. My flirting is embarrassing and no guy is capable of knowing that I am interested.
Hopefully some of you can relate!!
Today I met with a girl to work on some things she desires to improve in her life. She is a very intelligent student, has a big heart, loves horses, the most productive person I've met, and completely vulnerable to the possibilities of improvement. As I listened to her today I realized that I am completely settled in myself even though I am not necessarily confident. Although there are things I would like to change, I'm lazily satisfied with my current condition. It occurred to me that although we don't have a lot in common, our biggest difference is her ability to be vulnerable. So here is my first step... TOP 10 THINGS I NEED TO SHARE TO CONSIDER MYSELF VULNERABLE
10. Reading the Bible is one of my biggest struggles in my walk with God
9. I am completely self conscience of my complexion.
8. I look at the scale at least 3 times a day. The number 140 is unacceptable!
7. I have no money! I literally am living by faith in God to provide enough for me each month.
6. My knees are chubby.
5. I hate my voice; it sounds like countrified boy voice.
4. I have not dated anyone in the last 4 years. I worry about being alone in life.
3. I don't think I'm smart enough. I think I have wit and logic but neither brings success.
2. I am terrible at observing ways to act out love or minister to others unless it is suggested specifically to me.
1. My flirting is embarrassing and no guy is capable of knowing that I am interested.
Hopefully some of you can relate!!
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Turn Right Here
New Things: 1st work out of the year, finished my first painting of the year
Everyone has those pivotal moments in life where you can look back and know that life could have looked completely different if (fill in the blank) happened differently. These are the moments that give me confirmation that God loves me and pursues me even when I choose not to love Him. In fact, God's grace on the cross and beyond baffles me when I think about what my life could be on my own ambition. But I thank God for the promises of 1 Corinthians 10:13, he provides a way out! These pivitol moments we have to decide whether we will turn right!
When I entered college, I left a home that had set me up for greatness. I grew up in a two parent home that taught me the gospel, brought me up in a church that confirmed my leadership in ministry and expected great things from me. I wasn't a statistic teen that goes off to college and drops out of church. I had morals and a genuine love for God and his people. But college introduced a different temptation I was not prepared for.
College was a chance to start over, be whoever I wanted to be. My first friends I met there were in my orientation group. They are beautiful girls and very precious to me. However we had different perspectives on alcohol, parties and guys. But I so desperately wanted to be their friends, I told myself I can stay strong. That lasted about a semester. These girls never tried to change me. In fact, they embraced my religion and morals, and some ways respected me for them. But I was never going to fit in if I didn't give in. Soon I became a typical partier, got my roommate in the scene, found the parties, the drinks and the guys. I still had boundaries, they just were set a little wider than before. My mom tried to talk to me, prayed for me daily, but it was no use. I had convinced myself that I'm not having sex or getting drunk, what was her problem? There are some things that I regret during this time of my life, but I'm so thankful God kept me from sex and drugs.
During this time I was super faithful to church and bible study, but as hard as I tried to meet people, no one wanted anyting to do with me. I've never felt so lonely at church. Then randomly one night in my sophomore year, I ran into a friend I had not seen in 4 years. He invited me to a church he was going to sing at the following Sunday, which happens to be the church my brother used to go. I had purposefully avoided this awesome church because I did not want to be "Todd's little sister". But I went! And I loved it! They invited me to lunch, half mentioned Todd but asked about me, and immediately I felt guilt for the past year and a half! After that Sunday my friend that invited me never came back. The following Wednesday I was offered a job at the church as the youth pastor's intern (granted they should probably have known me before offering me the job). But this was my right turn. Saying I would go see a friend sing in church was my pivotal moment.
The following summer my brother got married to a beautiful woman. He went to seminary in Texas. His wife used to take care of these children in some government housing, but it was more than just visiting or babysitting, she loved them! Denzel and Missy were in her wedding! I had met the children once before the big day, but that's all you need to fall in love! Well after the ceremony Missy, age 6, looks up at me with the most serious concern and asks "Who is going to take us to church now?" Pivotal Moment: take right turn here! Before I could even think I just said "I will". Taking them to church was not what I did... I became their sister. I took them to basketball and cheerleading at the church, kids choir wednesday nights, sunday morning and nights, school plays, tutored them, sleep overs, Christmas, birthdays, helped the parents. It was hard but I loved every moment of it. Soon I was taking kids from the neighborhood by the car loads. The college ministry volunteered to help carpool, provide backyard bible clubs, adopt little brothers and sisters. The church supported the ministry and helped the adults.I was way over my head but I knew it was what God had planned. It is this ministry that has led me to seminary with a love for children that do not have a home that can set them up for greatness! I want to give families opportunities. I want to love as Christ has loved me. I am sitting here right now typing a blog about God's goodness because I took the right turn.
How blessed I am to know I serve a God who is seated on the high throne able to judge and forgive!
Everyone has those pivotal moments in life where you can look back and know that life could have looked completely different if (fill in the blank) happened differently. These are the moments that give me confirmation that God loves me and pursues me even when I choose not to love Him. In fact, God's grace on the cross and beyond baffles me when I think about what my life could be on my own ambition. But I thank God for the promises of 1 Corinthians 10:13, he provides a way out! These pivitol moments we have to decide whether we will turn right!
When I entered college, I left a home that had set me up for greatness. I grew up in a two parent home that taught me the gospel, brought me up in a church that confirmed my leadership in ministry and expected great things from me. I wasn't a statistic teen that goes off to college and drops out of church. I had morals and a genuine love for God and his people. But college introduced a different temptation I was not prepared for.
College was a chance to start over, be whoever I wanted to be. My first friends I met there were in my orientation group. They are beautiful girls and very precious to me. However we had different perspectives on alcohol, parties and guys. But I so desperately wanted to be their friends, I told myself I can stay strong. That lasted about a semester. These girls never tried to change me. In fact, they embraced my religion and morals, and some ways respected me for them. But I was never going to fit in if I didn't give in. Soon I became a typical partier, got my roommate in the scene, found the parties, the drinks and the guys. I still had boundaries, they just were set a little wider than before. My mom tried to talk to me, prayed for me daily, but it was no use. I had convinced myself that I'm not having sex or getting drunk, what was her problem? There are some things that I regret during this time of my life, but I'm so thankful God kept me from sex and drugs.
During this time I was super faithful to church and bible study, but as hard as I tried to meet people, no one wanted anyting to do with me. I've never felt so lonely at church. Then randomly one night in my sophomore year, I ran into a friend I had not seen in 4 years. He invited me to a church he was going to sing at the following Sunday, which happens to be the church my brother used to go. I had purposefully avoided this awesome church because I did not want to be "Todd's little sister". But I went! And I loved it! They invited me to lunch, half mentioned Todd but asked about me, and immediately I felt guilt for the past year and a half! After that Sunday my friend that invited me never came back. The following Wednesday I was offered a job at the church as the youth pastor's intern (granted they should probably have known me before offering me the job). But this was my right turn. Saying I would go see a friend sing in church was my pivotal moment.
The following summer my brother got married to a beautiful woman. He went to seminary in Texas. His wife used to take care of these children in some government housing, but it was more than just visiting or babysitting, she loved them! Denzel and Missy were in her wedding! I had met the children once before the big day, but that's all you need to fall in love! Well after the ceremony Missy, age 6, looks up at me with the most serious concern and asks "Who is going to take us to church now?" Pivotal Moment: take right turn here! Before I could even think I just said "I will". Taking them to church was not what I did... I became their sister. I took them to basketball and cheerleading at the church, kids choir wednesday nights, sunday morning and nights, school plays, tutored them, sleep overs, Christmas, birthdays, helped the parents. It was hard but I loved every moment of it. Soon I was taking kids from the neighborhood by the car loads. The college ministry volunteered to help carpool, provide backyard bible clubs, adopt little brothers and sisters. The church supported the ministry and helped the adults.I was way over my head but I knew it was what God had planned. It is this ministry that has led me to seminary with a love for children that do not have a home that can set them up for greatness! I want to give families opportunities. I want to love as Christ has loved me. I am sitting here right now typing a blog about God's goodness because I took the right turn.
How blessed I am to know I serve a God who is seated on the high throne able to judge and forgive!
Sunday, January 1, 2012
It's a new year and I just want coffee
New Things: my love for kinect, 1st NC state basketball game, Bourne movies, year 2012
It is year 2012! The end. Nothing different, extraordinary, or motivating about this year. I've decided to set no expectations or seek new thrills, make plans or have goals for the year. Now for the reader that does not follow my logic, this may sound depressing or cynical but stay with me.
Expectations and plans lead to an inevitable disappointment. We do not control our days much less our year. Therefore, I'm brilliant. Each day is a new adventure or thrill to see what the day has in store. When I get stuck in plans I eliminate possibilities, but without plans I'm open for anything. I try to conform to what I think is expected of me and no doubt I've ruined the ideal.
Today I was encouraged to live 1 Corinthians 10:31 "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it for the glory of God". The things I do are not for my gain but the glory of God. This is the secret, it isn't about me. My day, plans, goals, and expectations are not about me.
So this year my plan is to live like I am dying. But first I need coffee!
It is year 2012! The end. Nothing different, extraordinary, or motivating about this year. I've decided to set no expectations or seek new thrills, make plans or have goals for the year. Now for the reader that does not follow my logic, this may sound depressing or cynical but stay with me.
Expectations and plans lead to an inevitable disappointment. We do not control our days much less our year. Therefore, I'm brilliant. Each day is a new adventure or thrill to see what the day has in store. When I get stuck in plans I eliminate possibilities, but without plans I'm open for anything. I try to conform to what I think is expected of me and no doubt I've ruined the ideal.
Today I was encouraged to live 1 Corinthians 10:31 "Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it for the glory of God". The things I do are not for my gain but the glory of God. This is the secret, it isn't about me. My day, plans, goals, and expectations are not about me.
So this year my plan is to live like I am dying. But first I need coffee!
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