New Things: One day full of absolutely nothing, made cake balls, helped my dear friend Shonica move (again), one week out from Christmas without Christmas gifts to give... awesome!
On my day full of absolutely nothing, I did watch Die Hard 1,2, and 4. By now you must understand my love for these movies. They are a great combination of humor, action,wit, and sometimes romance. I'm pretty sure there is no way Bruce Willis could actually live through everything he has experienced but this is why we are so impressed with him. I love having to think through a movie. I feel less lazy watching the movie when I have to pay attention to the plot. The Bourne series is next on my list to watch. Man, I have lofty goals in life.
I'm not sure why I like these movies so much. I guess I like the thrill and the brave hero. Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me that a good ol chick flick doesn't keep my attention as much. I mean, I like some chick flicks but I get so excited about a car taking out a helicopter or a wildly ridiculous amount of explosives that never kill the target. The other night my roommate and I watched a chick flick where four men were in a fight and not even a bloody nose, weak! I think I like these movies because I look at life with thrill and wit and just know that something in my life is going to blow up. It depicts life as a hazard rather than unicorns that poop rainbows. My concern is since when did women start buying into the fact that life stinks until a man sweeps them off their feet.
Here is the truth... welcome life's comedy, pursue wit, find a hero to rescue you from disaster, and don't settle for a cliche. The best movies relate to all of these areas. Find a theme song and roll wit it as the credits run with you driving in a convertible on the highway to satisfaction.
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Living Life in a Sleep
New things: First time I didn't have someting new for my blog!! I'm knee deep in finals, please forgive me. After thursday I will be much more exciting!!
Growing up, my dad used to tell me that every night he would put me to bed and most evenings at a certain time he would watch me clumsily make my way down the hallway ready to take on the world in half a dream. My dad would corral me by the stairs and direct me back to my bed where he would tuck me in safely. Usually my first attempt of freedom was too exhausting to get back out of bed.
In college, my roommate hated my sleep habits. I would somehow make my way down the stairs and who knew where I ended up. I would go in her room sometimes and turn on the lights and jet out without an ounce of remorse. I called people in my sleep, which may be more dangerous than falling down the stairs. Mostly I ended up on the couch downstairs with the tv on.
Since I've been in seminary, I do not have many stories of my sleeping in action. A few times I changed sleeping locations but nothing out of the ordinary. That is until my poor roommate Kimberly got to see me in action. It is a habit now for me to start on the floor in front of the tv (if I ever wake up in my bed I'll know it's because I slept walked there). Kimberly usually watches whatever movie I have in while she studies, then goes to bed. The other morning Kim asked me if remembered talking to her the previous night. Noting the clueless look on my face Kim proceeds to tell me that I quickly shot up off the floor, made my way to the restroom, did some business, got some water to drink, and went to lay back down. Kim had asked if I would like to turn the movie back on that it was fine. I then responded that I would try to go to sleep without the tv on but I would let her know if I had any trouble. I laid my head down, and that's all she wrote.
NOT A CLUE!! haha It's good to know that I can do life in my sleep... literally!!
Growing up, my dad used to tell me that every night he would put me to bed and most evenings at a certain time he would watch me clumsily make my way down the hallway ready to take on the world in half a dream. My dad would corral me by the stairs and direct me back to my bed where he would tuck me in safely. Usually my first attempt of freedom was too exhausting to get back out of bed.
In college, my roommate hated my sleep habits. I would somehow make my way down the stairs and who knew where I ended up. I would go in her room sometimes and turn on the lights and jet out without an ounce of remorse. I called people in my sleep, which may be more dangerous than falling down the stairs. Mostly I ended up on the couch downstairs with the tv on.
Since I've been in seminary, I do not have many stories of my sleeping in action. A few times I changed sleeping locations but nothing out of the ordinary. That is until my poor roommate Kimberly got to see me in action. It is a habit now for me to start on the floor in front of the tv (if I ever wake up in my bed I'll know it's because I slept walked there). Kimberly usually watches whatever movie I have in while she studies, then goes to bed. The other morning Kim asked me if remembered talking to her the previous night. Noting the clueless look on my face Kim proceeds to tell me that I quickly shot up off the floor, made my way to the restroom, did some business, got some water to drink, and went to lay back down. Kim had asked if I would like to turn the movie back on that it was fine. I then responded that I would try to go to sleep without the tv on but I would let her know if I had any trouble. I laid my head down, and that's all she wrote.
NOT A CLUE!! haha It's good to know that I can do life in my sleep... literally!!
Friday, December 9, 2011
Non Favorites
New Things: SEBTS Christmas Concert, Went to my last class in a Fall semester EVER!!!!
I don't like to complain a lot, so I keep things to myself. It usually starts building up inside of me until finally I'm on the phone with my mom where I just unleash built up non favorites all over her. It is amazing she ever answers the phone. So I've decided maybe the most healthy way to unleash this is to tell you. There is no particular order.
1. a driver to the left of me at a stop sign creeps up so I can't see cars coming from the left. Just freakin hold your horses so I can take a right turn.
2. getting phone calls from telemarketers who insult me by trying to convince me that I signed up for online college classes and then are defensive when I tell them I didn't and want off their list.
3. people that yell at me because they were inconvenienced by something out of my control.
4. people that make excuses for their mistakes. just apologize and don't do it again.
5. Anything below 50 degrees without snow should not be allowed.
6. Being told what to do (this is a pride issue, I understand)
7. Country music
8. dark chocolate
9. cussing
10. sweet tea or dr. pepper
11. the unknown
12. predictability
13. driving long distances by myself
14. jealousy
15. crying
16. being wrong
17. disappointing others
18. the color brown
19. bullies
20. complaining
I don't like to complain a lot, so I keep things to myself. It usually starts building up inside of me until finally I'm on the phone with my mom where I just unleash built up non favorites all over her. It is amazing she ever answers the phone. So I've decided maybe the most healthy way to unleash this is to tell you. There is no particular order.
1. a driver to the left of me at a stop sign creeps up so I can't see cars coming from the left. Just freakin hold your horses so I can take a right turn.
2. getting phone calls from telemarketers who insult me by trying to convince me that I signed up for online college classes and then are defensive when I tell them I didn't and want off their list.
3. people that yell at me because they were inconvenienced by something out of my control.
4. people that make excuses for their mistakes. just apologize and don't do it again.
5. Anything below 50 degrees without snow should not be allowed.
6. Being told what to do (this is a pride issue, I understand)
7. Country music
8. dark chocolate
9. cussing
10. sweet tea or dr. pepper
11. the unknown
12. predictability
13. driving long distances by myself
14. jealousy
15. crying
16. being wrong
17. disappointing others
18. the color brown
19. bullies
20. complaining
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
My Kryptonite
New Things: Started a painting completely from my own creativity, got my first Christmas present of 2011, watched Inside Man
I already know this blog will sound arrogant but in reality I'm letting you know my biggest weakness. Please don't use it against me! Ready?... is the anticipation setting in?...boys!!!
Arrogant Section:
I really do think I would be a great catch. I like action films,sports, I like to laugh and hate to cry, I'm not the jealous type or clingy, I like a challenge, I'm intelligent, not completely unfortunate looking, I'm a decision maker, leader, follower, I get along with most people, outgoing, like to bake and paint, I run, I eat healthy and hearty, I'm not afraid of confrontation but don't let small things bother me, I'm a good driver and good with directions, I'm not fragile but like the man to be a man, I'm well read, I like college football, love my family, and most of all love God.
I have room for many improvements but the one thing that shuts me down is fear of rejection.
Here's what happens:
I meet someone that is attractive, probably tells a joke, holds a decent conversation, and smiles just because he is a nice guy. Upon observation I find the guy is nice. He befriends those that don't have many friends. He is generous to others. He is active in the Church and I know he loves God. He is humble. Never self-serving. He loves getting to know people. He is adventurous. He's not clingy or a creeper. He's not a flirt. He's a man's man. He loves his family. He is intelligent, encouraging, and edifies others.
So what do I do? I ignore him of course. I put up a wall so others won't figure me out, that I might be interested. I shut down and concentrate so much on not screwing up that I forget to be myself. I fear I'm not pretty enough or funny enough to hold his attention. I pretend I don't need a man in my life including him. Then another awesome girl swoops in, bats her eyes, compliments his manlihood and they live happily ever after. Ironically, in the end, the version of me that reasons myself into fear of rejection is rejected.
It makes sense in my head. I don't know how to flirt with the guy I actually like becasue he might figure out I like him, or he may not like me, or others might think I like him, or see him reject me. Or he might lead me on. Or he might actually work out. But none of this is certain or truth. It can't be guaranteed. And I just don't think my heart can take anymore. It is better to ignore it so I don't experience rejection. I say I'd rather go to Africa because being single there makes sense. I can move to NY because people don't get married there. If I stay here and can't reel in the guy I respect most then I'll stay here single where people start asking questions about why I'm still single or when am I going to settle down? As if it were my decision.
I already know this blog will sound arrogant but in reality I'm letting you know my biggest weakness. Please don't use it against me! Ready?... is the anticipation setting in?...boys!!!
Arrogant Section:
I really do think I would be a great catch. I like action films,sports, I like to laugh and hate to cry, I'm not the jealous type or clingy, I like a challenge, I'm intelligent, not completely unfortunate looking, I'm a decision maker, leader, follower, I get along with most people, outgoing, like to bake and paint, I run, I eat healthy and hearty, I'm not afraid of confrontation but don't let small things bother me, I'm a good driver and good with directions, I'm not fragile but like the man to be a man, I'm well read, I like college football, love my family, and most of all love God.
I have room for many improvements but the one thing that shuts me down is fear of rejection.
Here's what happens:
I meet someone that is attractive, probably tells a joke, holds a decent conversation, and smiles just because he is a nice guy. Upon observation I find the guy is nice. He befriends those that don't have many friends. He is generous to others. He is active in the Church and I know he loves God. He is humble. Never self-serving. He loves getting to know people. He is adventurous. He's not clingy or a creeper. He's not a flirt. He's a man's man. He loves his family. He is intelligent, encouraging, and edifies others.
So what do I do? I ignore him of course. I put up a wall so others won't figure me out, that I might be interested. I shut down and concentrate so much on not screwing up that I forget to be myself. I fear I'm not pretty enough or funny enough to hold his attention. I pretend I don't need a man in my life including him. Then another awesome girl swoops in, bats her eyes, compliments his manlihood and they live happily ever after. Ironically, in the end, the version of me that reasons myself into fear of rejection is rejected.
It makes sense in my head. I don't know how to flirt with the guy I actually like becasue he might figure out I like him, or he may not like me, or others might think I like him, or see him reject me. Or he might lead me on. Or he might actually work out. But none of this is certain or truth. It can't be guaranteed. And I just don't think my heart can take anymore. It is better to ignore it so I don't experience rejection. I say I'd rather go to Africa because being single there makes sense. I can move to NY because people don't get married there. If I stay here and can't reel in the guy I respect most then I'll stay here single where people start asking questions about why I'm still single or when am I going to settle down? As if it were my decision.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
White Noise
New Things: Raleigh's lighting of the Christmas tree, Mo Joe's, Super 8
Analogy:
White Noise is noise containing many frequencies with equal intensities. It is used to cover up other noises often for rest or soothing effects.
This is what my life sounds like! I'm a student, employee, church member/ servant, volunteer, counselor, mentor, daughter, friend, single, adventurous 27 years old ready to graduate, get a job and stop being single. All of these things scream at me everyday. Noise tells me what to do, how to do it, when to do it, how well I should do it, who I should do it with, and who I should do if for. There are many opinons and they don't always match mine. As overwhelming as this sounds, all of them together lulls me away into rest. But not the real kind of rest, the kind that avoids listening for the frequency that the white noise covers up.
Why do we want white noise to cover up other noises? Are we afraid of its dangers, warnings, or truth? The world often covers up the one thing we should be listening to, God. He does not compete with the other noises but he is constant when we are ready to shut out the others. My status, age, job, and finances are not going to give me answers.
God, break through noise. Let me hear your Word and believe it is true for my life!
Analogy:
White Noise is noise containing many frequencies with equal intensities. It is used to cover up other noises often for rest or soothing effects.
This is what my life sounds like! I'm a student, employee, church member/ servant, volunteer, counselor, mentor, daughter, friend, single, adventurous 27 years old ready to graduate, get a job and stop being single. All of these things scream at me everyday. Noise tells me what to do, how to do it, when to do it, how well I should do it, who I should do it with, and who I should do if for. There are many opinons and they don't always match mine. As overwhelming as this sounds, all of them together lulls me away into rest. But not the real kind of rest, the kind that avoids listening for the frequency that the white noise covers up.
Why do we want white noise to cover up other noises? Are we afraid of its dangers, warnings, or truth? The world often covers up the one thing we should be listening to, God. He does not compete with the other noises but he is constant when we are ready to shut out the others. My status, age, job, and finances are not going to give me answers.
God, break through noise. Let me hear your Word and believe it is true for my life!
Sunday, November 27, 2011
The Black Friday Oxymoron
New Things: Saying goodbye to my grandmother, Gatlinburg Thanksgiving, Dixie Stampede, Auburn losing Iron Bowl, Senioritis (not new just exasperated)
I've decided to take a break from my already procrastinated papers to speak out on a huge annoyance of mine... Black Friday!!! Those greedy Americans trying to pocket the best deals before Christmas and those greedy businesses selling their lives for a few bucks. Talk about a waste of time and money.
I just enjoyed a wonderful weekend in the Smokey Mountains where rest, food and football brought the family closer together. There was no rushing out as early as possible the next morning, elbowing complete strangers as I dart for some shiny object that is worthless to me in about 5 minutes. We did things that right way, where we overstuffed our bellies, went to different rooms to take naps and woke up cranky ready for pumpkin pie.
Okay okay so really I have never liked Black Friday! It seems odd to me that we talk about the things we are thankful for right before we go out and buy a bunch of things because we were not satisfied with what we already had. It sounds like we are not as thankful as we let on. However, after reading an article about the death of a man at Target on black Friday, I've decided I'm boycotting anything black or Friday! The article says that the other shoppers stepped over the man as they went on their business. Now granted they may not have known he was dying; however, It's been awhile since I've shopped on black Friday but I feel like it still might be odd you have to step over a man to get to the shelves. My greatest condolences go to this man's family. I've recently lost an uncle and grandmother this semester and have been blessed to have the time to reflect on their lives before they passed away. I have also been blessed to be granted the opportunity to go to Kenya and see the things that truly do matter. This has been a time of Thanksgiving for me that I have taken for granted in the past.
Be thankful and satisfied with what you have. Be giving and good stewards with what God's given you. Desire nothing but the goodness of God. Punch Black Friday in the Face!!
I've decided to take a break from my already procrastinated papers to speak out on a huge annoyance of mine... Black Friday!!! Those greedy Americans trying to pocket the best deals before Christmas and those greedy businesses selling their lives for a few bucks. Talk about a waste of time and money.
I just enjoyed a wonderful weekend in the Smokey Mountains where rest, food and football brought the family closer together. There was no rushing out as early as possible the next morning, elbowing complete strangers as I dart for some shiny object that is worthless to me in about 5 minutes. We did things that right way, where we overstuffed our bellies, went to different rooms to take naps and woke up cranky ready for pumpkin pie.
Okay okay so really I have never liked Black Friday! It seems odd to me that we talk about the things we are thankful for right before we go out and buy a bunch of things because we were not satisfied with what we already had. It sounds like we are not as thankful as we let on. However, after reading an article about the death of a man at Target on black Friday, I've decided I'm boycotting anything black or Friday! The article says that the other shoppers stepped over the man as they went on their business. Now granted they may not have known he was dying; however, It's been awhile since I've shopped on black Friday but I feel like it still might be odd you have to step over a man to get to the shelves. My greatest condolences go to this man's family. I've recently lost an uncle and grandmother this semester and have been blessed to have the time to reflect on their lives before they passed away. I have also been blessed to be granted the opportunity to go to Kenya and see the things that truly do matter. This has been a time of Thanksgiving for me that I have taken for granted in the past.
Be thankful and satisfied with what you have. Be giving and good stewards with what God's given you. Desire nothing but the goodness of God. Punch Black Friday in the Face!!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Kenya (Part 2)
The next morning I wake up in a bed with a net to protect me from the mosquitoes and geckos. I'm told not to brush my teeth with water to not get sick, careful in the shower, and get ready for breakfast. Breakfast was the only relatively normal thing I experienced. Then it was time to go meet the Masaai people we had come to teach. I climbed back into my van as we traveled about an hour into the valley. On the way we slowed down as cattle and sheep crossed the road; we watched as giraffes, zebra, monkeys and ostrich posed on the side of the road. It didn't seem to phase the natives. Zoos don't exist in Africa. We arrived at Liberty church where pastor Peter and some others welcomed us. Everyday we spent hours of teaching the Bible to the men, women and children. We gathered to worship in song and dance. The people gave with a heart of thanksgiving. It was humbling to receive jewelry as a gift that is usually used to sustain their livlihood and food that is rare for them to receive. They were a people that understood respect and hospitality. They worshipped God with all of their body. But they were sinners that were in need of the Savior as am I.
Their greatest physical need was water. Women would often walk 12 miles one way to get a bucket of water for the day. However, there had been a drought for about a year, so finding water was critical. The chief gathered the people as they discussed the next step and prayed for the water. Our team prayed as we heard stories of illnesses and deaths from the lack of water. BayLeaf was in the process of digging a well, but even that was being put off. Then on Friday we went to evangelize to some of the bomas in the area. Men and women came out of their homes to listen to the Mzungu. They had never met white people that wanted to share Christ. At the end of teaching we had 6 new sisters and 1 new brother in Christ. Then our fearless leader Walter told the team to gather around a baby to pray over her illness. As he began praying, there was an internal struggle I experienced about what to pray. Of course I wanted the baby to be healthy but I prayed for rain. Well, the prayer ended, we went to our van, and ate bread. Suddenly, our translator Emily tells me to look in the distance. I see a grey haze. She says "It's rain!" Our driver pleads with us to enter the van as he dashes off before the rain leaves us stranded in the middle of the valley. It begins pouring down to the point puddles are immediately rising. We make it back to our hotel. I asked Walter what was wrong with the baby? He said, "She needed water". Oh my God, I praise you for your mercy and love. God moved in the face of new believers to confirm their new faith in Him. He provided the rain that we prayed for to affirm our belief outside of coincidence and science. God provided the living water of salvation before he blessed his people with the water of the earth. God is good without the rain!
There are plenty of stories for me to share on this trip. God showed me things that America's entertainment, wealth, and intellectualism clouds. I want what the Maasai have, a clear sense of God's power and goodness. Now that I'm back in the states, I can imagine myself back there. That scares me. I'm not scared of new things or places or losing possessions or not seeing my family, I'm scared of responsibility, accountability, and perseverance. I pray that I have a thirst for God like none other so that wherever I go, it is God I experience and not a thrill. God, I pray you fill me so you may use me.
Their greatest physical need was water. Women would often walk 12 miles one way to get a bucket of water for the day. However, there had been a drought for about a year, so finding water was critical. The chief gathered the people as they discussed the next step and prayed for the water. Our team prayed as we heard stories of illnesses and deaths from the lack of water. BayLeaf was in the process of digging a well, but even that was being put off. Then on Friday we went to evangelize to some of the bomas in the area. Men and women came out of their homes to listen to the Mzungu. They had never met white people that wanted to share Christ. At the end of teaching we had 6 new sisters and 1 new brother in Christ. Then our fearless leader Walter told the team to gather around a baby to pray over her illness. As he began praying, there was an internal struggle I experienced about what to pray. Of course I wanted the baby to be healthy but I prayed for rain. Well, the prayer ended, we went to our van, and ate bread. Suddenly, our translator Emily tells me to look in the distance. I see a grey haze. She says "It's rain!" Our driver pleads with us to enter the van as he dashes off before the rain leaves us stranded in the middle of the valley. It begins pouring down to the point puddles are immediately rising. We make it back to our hotel. I asked Walter what was wrong with the baby? He said, "She needed water". Oh my God, I praise you for your mercy and love. God moved in the face of new believers to confirm their new faith in Him. He provided the rain that we prayed for to affirm our belief outside of coincidence and science. God provided the living water of salvation before he blessed his people with the water of the earth. God is good without the rain!
There are plenty of stories for me to share on this trip. God showed me things that America's entertainment, wealth, and intellectualism clouds. I want what the Maasai have, a clear sense of God's power and goodness. Now that I'm back in the states, I can imagine myself back there. That scares me. I'm not scared of new things or places or losing possessions or not seeing my family, I'm scared of responsibility, accountability, and perseverance. I pray that I have a thirst for God like none other so that wherever I go, it is God I experience and not a thrill. God, I pray you fill me so you may use me.
Kenya (Part 1)
New Things: Went to Kenya, went on a safari, got the name Nosime which means "one you sit with and not be bored", ate different things at the Carnivore (camel, bull's reproductive parts, ostrich, goat, ugali), went to the Masaai market, learned some Maa and Swahili, saw zebras giraffes monkeys donkeys cows sheep ostrich on the way to speak to the Masaai women, I saw a one year drought end.
There is way too much to say about my trip to Kenya. The only thing I can say is God is amazing in every small detail. The preparation, the experience, and the processing of the trip were all under God's sovereignty. I can't tell you everything because I don't think I've been able to fathom what God has done to me yet but I'd like to share the things I know.
Preparation:
I have been at BayLeaf Baptist Church for 4 years now. It is not new that BayLeaf goes on many mission trips a year and even makes it possible, financially and schedule wise, for students to go on trips. My college pastor every year has approached me and asked why I haven't signed up for a trip and challenged the fear of money or ability. Every time my response was I didn't feel called. I knew it would be a good experience, I knew God could provide, I knew I can tell others about Christ, and I knew I needed to do it, but not now. The church goes all over the world but for our ministry Asia and Poland have been the most convenient because they are during school breaks. I've prayed often about trips, careers, places, timing but it had never seemed right. Then last March I was driving to church on a Wednesday night and I knew God was telling me to prepare to say "yes" to wherever God led me. I remember at the age of 13 telling my parents I might one day go to Africa. My mom gets hysterical and my dad tells me to follow God. In college I tell my parents I want to go to seminary because I'd like to work in urban ministry, possibly Chicago with the gangs. My mom gets hysterical (about Chicago) and my dad says follow God. In seminary I tell my parents I want to go to New York or Chicago. Mom begs and pleads dad says follow God. Then March happens... so I get to church and Billy decides to challenge the group to put their "yes" on the table for one of the trips this year. He hands us a list of places the church is going. I look through it and without question my "yes" is for Kenya. Unfortunately, it was the least convenient trip I could have chosen. It was the most expensive trip in the middle of a semester of school, and both my mom's brother and mom's mother's health were fading fast. Some might see that as a sign that I shouldn't go but no one protested my choice, not even mom. It took me a couple of weeks to get my courage up to tell my mom that I signed up to go to Kenya for 2 weeks. She was my biggest supporter. Over the next few months I raised money by an art show. I'm not exactly an artist but I like to paint and I would say I'm decent. But God showed up and I raised more than half the money I needed by selling 8 pieces of art. People gave 2-3Xs more than I asked for and others just wanted to support me. This is called the Church! They were just as much a part of this mission as those that went. Time went on, my professors allowed me to go, prayer infilterated me, and then the day finally came.
The Mission:
I'm with 18 virtual strangers as I step out of the plane onto Niarobi territory. There was an instant recognition that although nothing seemed familiar, I belonged there. A new currency, language, smell, temperature, culture, taste, appreciation overwhelmed me. I'm trying to keep my excitement in as I wait in line for my visa. The first person I talked to in the new place was the woman handing me my visa, and yet not very polite. Great... what have I gotten myself into. I'm rushed down to the luggage. I don't know how to use the carts. My baggage is checked. I'm rushed to the out doors where hundreds of men and women are forced behind a line as they are yelling and screaming into the automatic doors to the airport. A strangers hand grabs my arm and leads me to the parking lot where the rest of my team are hurriedly shoving their luggage into white vans and getting in. The stranger announces his name is Martin and tells me to get in the van. As we drive off into the darkness all I can think is "I need sleep".
There is way too much to say about my trip to Kenya. The only thing I can say is God is amazing in every small detail. The preparation, the experience, and the processing of the trip were all under God's sovereignty. I can't tell you everything because I don't think I've been able to fathom what God has done to me yet but I'd like to share the things I know.
Preparation:
I have been at BayLeaf Baptist Church for 4 years now. It is not new that BayLeaf goes on many mission trips a year and even makes it possible, financially and schedule wise, for students to go on trips. My college pastor every year has approached me and asked why I haven't signed up for a trip and challenged the fear of money or ability. Every time my response was I didn't feel called. I knew it would be a good experience, I knew God could provide, I knew I can tell others about Christ, and I knew I needed to do it, but not now. The church goes all over the world but for our ministry Asia and Poland have been the most convenient because they are during school breaks. I've prayed often about trips, careers, places, timing but it had never seemed right. Then last March I was driving to church on a Wednesday night and I knew God was telling me to prepare to say "yes" to wherever God led me. I remember at the age of 13 telling my parents I might one day go to Africa. My mom gets hysterical and my dad tells me to follow God. In college I tell my parents I want to go to seminary because I'd like to work in urban ministry, possibly Chicago with the gangs. My mom gets hysterical (about Chicago) and my dad says follow God. In seminary I tell my parents I want to go to New York or Chicago. Mom begs and pleads dad says follow God. Then March happens... so I get to church and Billy decides to challenge the group to put their "yes" on the table for one of the trips this year. He hands us a list of places the church is going. I look through it and without question my "yes" is for Kenya. Unfortunately, it was the least convenient trip I could have chosen. It was the most expensive trip in the middle of a semester of school, and both my mom's brother and mom's mother's health were fading fast. Some might see that as a sign that I shouldn't go but no one protested my choice, not even mom. It took me a couple of weeks to get my courage up to tell my mom that I signed up to go to Kenya for 2 weeks. She was my biggest supporter. Over the next few months I raised money by an art show. I'm not exactly an artist but I like to paint and I would say I'm decent. But God showed up and I raised more than half the money I needed by selling 8 pieces of art. People gave 2-3Xs more than I asked for and others just wanted to support me. This is called the Church! They were just as much a part of this mission as those that went. Time went on, my professors allowed me to go, prayer infilterated me, and then the day finally came.
The Mission:
I'm with 18 virtual strangers as I step out of the plane onto Niarobi territory. There was an instant recognition that although nothing seemed familiar, I belonged there. A new currency, language, smell, temperature, culture, taste, appreciation overwhelmed me. I'm trying to keep my excitement in as I wait in line for my visa. The first person I talked to in the new place was the woman handing me my visa, and yet not very polite. Great... what have I gotten myself into. I'm rushed down to the luggage. I don't know how to use the carts. My baggage is checked. I'm rushed to the out doors where hundreds of men and women are forced behind a line as they are yelling and screaming into the automatic doors to the airport. A strangers hand grabs my arm and leads me to the parking lot where the rest of my team are hurriedly shoving their luggage into white vans and getting in. The stranger announces his name is Martin and tells me to get in the van. As we drive off into the darkness all I can think is "I need sleep".
Thursday, September 1, 2011
Don't tell me you love me
(For you Kid Rock fans out there)
New things: Salsa dancing
The other day I had to take my car in to get looked at. I took it to Co Line Auto Service (CLAS) where they always take care of me and have my best interest. Chris, one of the mechanics, called to advise me one option and ask a few questions. One particular question, he changed his tone. He seemed firm and father-like as he asked "how many miles over had it been before you got your oil changed?" I knew it. He caught me. I had done something I knew I shouldn't have done. I waited at least 2 months. With a gentle rebuke, he made me understand the dangers of leaving it too long. More damage could be had, an accident was possible, more money and labor could be avoided. Then he instructed me to obey the sticker in the window. Don't wait to obey, because that is still disobedience.
Oh Chris cared about me that day. Nothing selfish came from his rebuke. He was gentle, compassionate, yet firm. He taught me instead of judging me. He was selfless and giving. He urged me to obey to avoid the consequences later. He might have even lost financially because I did not have damage for him to repair. He was loving his sister (They are Christians at CLAS)!
I thought about his rebuke today. I have a friend that I have had to rebuke, I pray I was gentle as Chris. But I also was rebuked by a friend today for my own sin. It is hard to give and accept rebukes but when done correctly it is the same as saying "I love you", just without fuzzy feelings inside. More importantly a gentle rebuke keeps the integrity of the Gospel. Don't call yourself a Christian if you walk in darkness. Don't tell me you love me if you don't care how I'm behaving!
"Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed" proverbs 27:5
New things: Salsa dancing
The other day I had to take my car in to get looked at. I took it to Co Line Auto Service (CLAS) where they always take care of me and have my best interest. Chris, one of the mechanics, called to advise me one option and ask a few questions. One particular question, he changed his tone. He seemed firm and father-like as he asked "how many miles over had it been before you got your oil changed?" I knew it. He caught me. I had done something I knew I shouldn't have done. I waited at least 2 months. With a gentle rebuke, he made me understand the dangers of leaving it too long. More damage could be had, an accident was possible, more money and labor could be avoided. Then he instructed me to obey the sticker in the window. Don't wait to obey, because that is still disobedience.
Oh Chris cared about me that day. Nothing selfish came from his rebuke. He was gentle, compassionate, yet firm. He taught me instead of judging me. He was selfless and giving. He urged me to obey to avoid the consequences later. He might have even lost financially because I did not have damage for him to repair. He was loving his sister (They are Christians at CLAS)!
I thought about his rebuke today. I have a friend that I have had to rebuke, I pray I was gentle as Chris. But I also was rebuked by a friend today for my own sin. It is hard to give and accept rebukes but when done correctly it is the same as saying "I love you", just without fuzzy feelings inside. More importantly a gentle rebuke keeps the integrity of the Gospel. Don't call yourself a Christian if you walk in darkness. Don't tell me you love me if you don't care how I'm behaving!
"Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed" proverbs 27:5
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
We are not the chosen one- why don't they understand?
New things: Earthquake, Dancing at North Hills, starting my last year of seminary
A few weeks ago I was at a friend's house watching Bachelorette (no shame) when it was interrupted by a speech by our president informing the nation the financial woes we are facing. We too easily were inconvenienced by the interruption and less worried about the path our nation and leaders are swiftly pursuing. It is a slap in the face to our forefathers and our Heavenly Father by our complacency in money, power, entertainment, romance, and convenience. We are believing that America is invincible and we are blind to the fact that God is the same God of Noah.
America has "In God We Trust" stamped on the currency. What would happen if we didn't have money? Would we still trust God? What would happen if our freedom was taken away? Would there be a church on every corner prepared to face persecution? What if storms blew in destroyed the power industries, buildings, landmarks, banks, trading ports, and homes? Would we believe God is all we need? What if disease spread? Would we survive?
We don't know what will happen but we do have a choice to trust God. But we don't trust God now. Or else we would be praying for our leaders, pastors, parents, children. We don't have God's hand because we have money, we have been blessed by God's hand. We have a stewarship disorder or maybe just a greed sin.
My challenge is for us to start taking serious natural disasters, the national debt, leadership, and the Church's involvement in education and government. God is good and just!
A few weeks ago I was at a friend's house watching Bachelorette (no shame) when it was interrupted by a speech by our president informing the nation the financial woes we are facing. We too easily were inconvenienced by the interruption and less worried about the path our nation and leaders are swiftly pursuing. It is a slap in the face to our forefathers and our Heavenly Father by our complacency in money, power, entertainment, romance, and convenience. We are believing that America is invincible and we are blind to the fact that God is the same God of Noah.
America has "In God We Trust" stamped on the currency. What would happen if we didn't have money? Would we still trust God? What would happen if our freedom was taken away? Would there be a church on every corner prepared to face persecution? What if storms blew in destroyed the power industries, buildings, landmarks, banks, trading ports, and homes? Would we believe God is all we need? What if disease spread? Would we survive?
We don't know what will happen but we do have a choice to trust God. But we don't trust God now. Or else we would be praying for our leaders, pastors, parents, children. We don't have God's hand because we have money, we have been blessed by God's hand. We have a stewarship disorder or maybe just a greed sin.
My challenge is for us to start taking serious natural disasters, the national debt, leadership, and the Church's involvement in education and government. God is good and just!
Sunday, August 7, 2011
The Sky is Falling
My uncle Rick is in the hospital. He has tumors and cancer that are pushing against his heart and throat. He can't eat, breathe or stay awake. Treatments have stopped working and he is down to 135lbs. He's a man's man in a fragile weak body.
My grandmother has been my biggest fan since I can remember. As her only granddaughter, she viewed me as someone who could do no wrong. She prays for me without ceasing and brags on me constantly... until she got dementia. Then her brain caused her to believe lies and accuse me and my aunt of stealing from her house. She creates elaborate stories of our immorality. She is becoming violent and the news of her son, Rick's illness exasperates the situation.
My mother is a pieced together wreck. I don't know how she does it. She is a strong woman. She knows life doesn't end and God is in control but her mother is deteriorating, her brother is finalizing his will, and her life is complicated by others' sins.
People come and go in my life with their own problems whether it is job searching, spouse searching, degree seeking, purpose, loss, trust issues, sins, confrontation, financial, disease, or selfishness. Everyone's sky is falling and are having a hard time finding the Sun
My grandmother has been my biggest fan since I can remember. As her only granddaughter, she viewed me as someone who could do no wrong. She prays for me without ceasing and brags on me constantly... until she got dementia. Then her brain caused her to believe lies and accuse me and my aunt of stealing from her house. She creates elaborate stories of our immorality. She is becoming violent and the news of her son, Rick's illness exasperates the situation.
My mother is a pieced together wreck. I don't know how she does it. She is a strong woman. She knows life doesn't end and God is in control but her mother is deteriorating, her brother is finalizing his will, and her life is complicated by others' sins.
People come and go in my life with their own problems whether it is job searching, spouse searching, degree seeking, purpose, loss, trust issues, sins, confrontation, financial, disease, or selfishness. Everyone's sky is falling and are having a hard time finding the Sun
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Baby Genius
New Things: Hosting my big brother, sister in law, and niece here in NC!! Saw a shooting star.
Here is the picture of my new haircut as I promised!!
So my niece Zooey is probably the most intelligent child I know. I'm not even being biased, it is just a fact! At the ripe age of one, she responds to us without our preping her, is figuring out shapes, loves sounds, and recognizes that if I hide behind a wall, I'm still there not really gone. Tonight I cooked dinner for the family and roommates while we all admired Zooey and caught up in life. Zooey of course wanted to scout out the apt which luckily is pretty small. She fed herself with a spoon, put flip flops on my foot when I asked her if I could have them, played hide n seek, said "hey" and "uh oh", and loves to laugh.
I got to give her, her birthday present of a tea set that plays songs and makes noises for pouring tea. Zooey was able to push the button and almost got the cakes in the right shapes. My favorite part of the night was when Jennifer got the video camera out while playing with the toy. Todd and Jennifer told her to say "thank you aunt Lindsay". Zooey got on her hands and knees, crawled around her tea set, climbed into my lap until the song on the teapot was over, as if to say "thank you" in the only way she could, and then crawled back to her playing.
This week we have planned swimming, shopping, Durham Bulls Baseball, see SEBTS campus, Cotton Co., Church and see all my friends and any other suggestions are welcome.
I love this girl!!
Here is the picture of my new haircut as I promised!!
So my niece Zooey is probably the most intelligent child I know. I'm not even being biased, it is just a fact! At the ripe age of one, she responds to us without our preping her, is figuring out shapes, loves sounds, and recognizes that if I hide behind a wall, I'm still there not really gone. Tonight I cooked dinner for the family and roommates while we all admired Zooey and caught up in life. Zooey of course wanted to scout out the apt which luckily is pretty small. She fed herself with a spoon, put flip flops on my foot when I asked her if I could have them, played hide n seek, said "hey" and "uh oh", and loves to laugh.
I got to give her, her birthday present of a tea set that plays songs and makes noises for pouring tea. Zooey was able to push the button and almost got the cakes in the right shapes. My favorite part of the night was when Jennifer got the video camera out while playing with the toy. Todd and Jennifer told her to say "thank you aunt Lindsay". Zooey got on her hands and knees, crawled around her tea set, climbed into my lap until the song on the teapot was over, as if to say "thank you" in the only way she could, and then crawled back to her playing.
This week we have planned swimming, shopping, Durham Bulls Baseball, see SEBTS campus, Cotton Co., Church and see all my friends and any other suggestions are welcome.
I love this girl!!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
From Beer to Bible
New things: Bangs (I'll show a pic soon when I can get a handle on them), latte art competition
I was in a fog tonight. Not really ready for the day; ready to sleep at a moments notice. But the day charges on and so must I. Tonight after work, a group of us went to my friend Andrew's coffee shop, Jubala. There was a latte art competition, (Congratulations Daniel)!
During the competition my friend Elizabeth and I went outside to talk about possible topics to teach on our mission to Kenya. We sat ourselves at a table next to a group of younger guys, smoking and drinking and staring. As we sat down there was a request for us to sit with them, in which we politely passed down their offer in order to discuss the trip. Elizabeth told them we would be willing to talk to them after we talked about the trip. They took it as us blowing them off (which I was fine with), but you know there is always that one guy that doesn't stop!
Elizabeth and I were able to talk about some topics and freely spoke of Christ, the Church, the Gospel, and context of the Kenyans. Eventually the guys next to us started dispersing except that One! Suddenly he just said "Whoo hooo". I just looked at him and asked what he was referring to? He just wanted to join our conversation. So he came to our table and we began explaining what we were discussing about women of the Bible and how we are relating it to the women in Africa we will be meeting. Edwin, my new friend, began sharing with us a metal band that apparently is at least spiritual. Then he shared some of his own music that he has written, which was awesome and a great lead into his own understanding of the spiritual aspect of life. As he began talking of the universe and the god, and our choices, and heaven as a feeling we one day obtain, and hell on earth, humans connecting spiritually, I soon realized that whatever he believes he wants to connect to us somehow and knew the spiritual route was the way to go. It dawned on me that maybe people want the Church's approval. I'm thankful Elizabeth and I had the opportunity to share with Edwin and I got to share the complete Gospel with Lars and Edwin.
I think most people that are unchurched stay unchurched because no one has invited them and on their own they feel out of place. They feel like they have to fit a mold to be accepted. Even Edwin mentioned they we probably come from a place that listens to pretty music with harps and look at pretty pictures of heaven. I can imagine if we stopped judging tattoos, blue hair, piercings, the music, the language, personalities, etc... we might have a chance to get to know the person. Why do we expect people to act like Christians when they don't know Christ? It is not our job to change a person but our job to introduce them to Christ.
My observation has been that when I am sharing the gospel, most people will share whatever they know about God, Church or spiritual life. They want to seem like they know. They want to be in conversation with us. They want to be accepted. It is sooo easy to start gospel centered conversations with people but we prejudge who is willing and miss out on what God can do.
I was in a fog tonight. Not really ready for the day; ready to sleep at a moments notice. But the day charges on and so must I. Tonight after work, a group of us went to my friend Andrew's coffee shop, Jubala. There was a latte art competition, (Congratulations Daniel)!
During the competition my friend Elizabeth and I went outside to talk about possible topics to teach on our mission to Kenya. We sat ourselves at a table next to a group of younger guys, smoking and drinking and staring. As we sat down there was a request for us to sit with them, in which we politely passed down their offer in order to discuss the trip. Elizabeth told them we would be willing to talk to them after we talked about the trip. They took it as us blowing them off (which I was fine with), but you know there is always that one guy that doesn't stop!
Elizabeth and I were able to talk about some topics and freely spoke of Christ, the Church, the Gospel, and context of the Kenyans. Eventually the guys next to us started dispersing except that One! Suddenly he just said "Whoo hooo". I just looked at him and asked what he was referring to? He just wanted to join our conversation. So he came to our table and we began explaining what we were discussing about women of the Bible and how we are relating it to the women in Africa we will be meeting. Edwin, my new friend, began sharing with us a metal band that apparently is at least spiritual. Then he shared some of his own music that he has written, which was awesome and a great lead into his own understanding of the spiritual aspect of life. As he began talking of the universe and the god, and our choices, and heaven as a feeling we one day obtain, and hell on earth, humans connecting spiritually, I soon realized that whatever he believes he wants to connect to us somehow and knew the spiritual route was the way to go. It dawned on me that maybe people want the Church's approval. I'm thankful Elizabeth and I had the opportunity to share with Edwin and I got to share the complete Gospel with Lars and Edwin.
I think most people that are unchurched stay unchurched because no one has invited them and on their own they feel out of place. They feel like they have to fit a mold to be accepted. Even Edwin mentioned they we probably come from a place that listens to pretty music with harps and look at pretty pictures of heaven. I can imagine if we stopped judging tattoos, blue hair, piercings, the music, the language, personalities, etc... we might have a chance to get to know the person. Why do we expect people to act like Christians when they don't know Christ? It is not our job to change a person but our job to introduce them to Christ.
My observation has been that when I am sharing the gospel, most people will share whatever they know about God, Church or spiritual life. They want to seem like they know. They want to be in conversation with us. They want to be accepted. It is sooo easy to start gospel centered conversations with people but we prejudge who is willing and miss out on what God can do.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Knee is the new Elbow
New Things: Farkle, Christmas in July Party
Years ago I had heard a commentary on a study about the relationships between the opposite sex and the rarity of platonic relationships. If a guy and girl are good friends there is usually something about them that is seen as attractive: physical or relational. But it can be a one way street for the stronger emotions to mature. Research concluded that 70% of the girls that casually touch the guy's elbow every time they see him would start dating the guy at the end of 3 months. It might be due to more intentional flirting, the guy's physical sensation of a girl, a new awareness of the so called platonic friend, etc....
Therefore, I have decided that because I am such a terrible flirt, this is my only hope for a guy's attention. I do well with direct instruction. Unfortunately, I get too embarrassed to actually go up to a guy and smoothly touch his elbow as we casually laugh over something clever I say. So it is really a joke with all my girls so we can bring attention to the fact that I don't flirt.
Anyways, the girls got together to watch the Bachelorette. Ashley, the girl, sure did have her hands all over the guys' legs. She might be a little too cool with her flirting styles. Anyways, upon noticing this new tactic we decided the elbow must have been last years flirting. Knees are the new elbow.
Now the problem is figuring out how to casually talk to a guy with my hand on his knee.
Years ago I had heard a commentary on a study about the relationships between the opposite sex and the rarity of platonic relationships. If a guy and girl are good friends there is usually something about them that is seen as attractive: physical or relational. But it can be a one way street for the stronger emotions to mature. Research concluded that 70% of the girls that casually touch the guy's elbow every time they see him would start dating the guy at the end of 3 months. It might be due to more intentional flirting, the guy's physical sensation of a girl, a new awareness of the so called platonic friend, etc....
Therefore, I have decided that because I am such a terrible flirt, this is my only hope for a guy's attention. I do well with direct instruction. Unfortunately, I get too embarrassed to actually go up to a guy and smoothly touch his elbow as we casually laugh over something clever I say. So it is really a joke with all my girls so we can bring attention to the fact that I don't flirt.
Anyways, the girls got together to watch the Bachelorette. Ashley, the girl, sure did have her hands all over the guys' legs. She might be a little too cool with her flirting styles. Anyways, upon noticing this new tactic we decided the elbow must have been last years flirting. Knees are the new elbow.
Now the problem is figuring out how to casually talk to a guy with my hand on his knee.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Dear Ames
New things: bought butternut squash and went to sweet spoons
Dear Ames,
I just wanted to thank you for being a man of genuine chivalry. You are what we girls in the south would call "a man's man". Who else could wear pink or leave a fighting match in the ambulance with dignity? Not many guys these days can use words like "sprezzatura" in a normal conversation and it actually be used in context. It's like the word "winsome", no one uses it correctly. Speaking of, I would characterize you as winsome with a level of maturity.
I relish completely in your word usage. The most simple concept sounds so eloquent coming from you. Words are important to me. I choose my words carefully so that my thoughts are communicated most accurately. I respect those that communicate well. I love to read classic novels, minus Tolstoy ;-), for the poetic writing style that draws the most edifying picture for the imagination. Our minds are marred by the flashy commercialism that culture has thrust upon us, but a simple word brings us back to the elementaries of reality. Your words reveal that you see the best in people. Although not all people deserve your kindness, they can be redeemed in it.
I'm jealous of your life of accomplishment and adventure. Most people believe you can only have one or the other. I'm striving to accomplish and dream to adventure. I constantly create lists of things I wish to do and try to satisfy my starvation of adventure with small steps outside my school and work bubble. The purchase of a coconut or the chance to visit a new place in town gives small satisfaction. I want to go sky diving, scuba diving, fly all over the world, take art classes, ride motorcycles, go spelunking, adopt, ride an elephant, ride in a hot air balloon, be in a flash mob, work in an orphanage, go to a Knicks game, etc.... Even if these were not some of your dreams, I believe you would be the type gentleman to help others' dreams come true.
With all my heart I believe you are a man of integrity, genuity, drive, and gentleness. You are what girls want but can't admit. If you were to ever read this letter, Ames, just know I admit it, I choose the man in the pink!
Sincerely yours
Dear Ames,
I just wanted to thank you for being a man of genuine chivalry. You are what we girls in the south would call "a man's man". Who else could wear pink or leave a fighting match in the ambulance with dignity? Not many guys these days can use words like "sprezzatura" in a normal conversation and it actually be used in context. It's like the word "winsome", no one uses it correctly. Speaking of, I would characterize you as winsome with a level of maturity.
I relish completely in your word usage. The most simple concept sounds so eloquent coming from you. Words are important to me. I choose my words carefully so that my thoughts are communicated most accurately. I respect those that communicate well. I love to read classic novels, minus Tolstoy ;-), for the poetic writing style that draws the most edifying picture for the imagination. Our minds are marred by the flashy commercialism that culture has thrust upon us, but a simple word brings us back to the elementaries of reality. Your words reveal that you see the best in people. Although not all people deserve your kindness, they can be redeemed in it.
I'm jealous of your life of accomplishment and adventure. Most people believe you can only have one or the other. I'm striving to accomplish and dream to adventure. I constantly create lists of things I wish to do and try to satisfy my starvation of adventure with small steps outside my school and work bubble. The purchase of a coconut or the chance to visit a new place in town gives small satisfaction. I want to go sky diving, scuba diving, fly all over the world, take art classes, ride motorcycles, go spelunking, adopt, ride an elephant, ride in a hot air balloon, be in a flash mob, work in an orphanage, go to a Knicks game, etc.... Even if these were not some of your dreams, I believe you would be the type gentleman to help others' dreams come true.
With all my heart I believe you are a man of integrity, genuity, drive, and gentleness. You are what girls want but can't admit. If you were to ever read this letter, Ames, just know I admit it, I choose the man in the pink!
Sincerely yours
Sunday, July 17, 2011
Because I said so
New things I did today: Bought a whole coconut, watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hollows Part 2, went to my first Kenya meeting for my trip coming up.
I'm weird, I know I am, but people ask me all the time why I do some of the things I do. Usually my reasoning is "just because". I know nothing different; it's habit. Why do we eat eggs for breakfast? Who decided that is a breakfast item? "Just because we know nothing different; it's habit." Sometimes I'm restless with life and need an oddity to keep me sane. I can't explain my reasoning but it usually makes my life and yours more interesting. Sometimes I have reasons for the things I do but they are personal and even tragic that I can't fathom having to express my unwitting reactions to the circumstances I've faced in the past. Sometimes, I do it for attention and other times I do it to take attention off of me. There's no real reason I'm weird, it's just because.
I'll list of few of my oddities to give you a better understanding of myself. I eat one thing at a time on my plate to the point that I'll take apart foods to eat the parts of the food one at a time. Best example is pizza. I eat the toppings, then cheese, then sauce, then bread. Highly unusual but I know nothing different.
I take a cup with me every where I go: work, school, friend's houses, cars, grocery store, church.... I think it is just habit, but smart. Who knows when you'll have a drink emergency. I hate feet. I have a reflex that will harm you if you dare to come near me with your feet. I believe that is just a phobia that I have not chosen to control. I drink unreal amounts of coffee where it is more odd for you to see me without coffee than it is to see me with coffee. Coffee shops all over town know my drink order. It can be an addiction but it started with bigger concerns than drinking coffee. It used to help control my food intake, now it's an addiction. I sleep on the floor. Occassionally the couch will do but usually the floor is what I like best. This is usually what gets people. The truth is a long time ago I had an unusual experience in college. The story somehow leads to the tv and floor being like my security blanket. I like to challenge myself with small challenges daily to give myself a feel of accomplishment. I have a waiting list for roommates because girls that tend to live with me get married... you're welcome ladies! I don't like to cry so I choose not to unless I'm watching a kleenex commercial or Glee episode. I think like a boy, I need you to tell me what you're thinking or I'll never get it. I love my last name CORE to the point I might negotiate with my future husband about taking my name.
I'm sure I have other oddities that my friends notice, but otherwise I'm just me because I said so.
I'm weird, I know I am, but people ask me all the time why I do some of the things I do. Usually my reasoning is "just because". I know nothing different; it's habit. Why do we eat eggs for breakfast? Who decided that is a breakfast item? "Just because we know nothing different; it's habit." Sometimes I'm restless with life and need an oddity to keep me sane. I can't explain my reasoning but it usually makes my life and yours more interesting. Sometimes I have reasons for the things I do but they are personal and even tragic that I can't fathom having to express my unwitting reactions to the circumstances I've faced in the past. Sometimes, I do it for attention and other times I do it to take attention off of me. There's no real reason I'm weird, it's just because.
I'll list of few of my oddities to give you a better understanding of myself. I eat one thing at a time on my plate to the point that I'll take apart foods to eat the parts of the food one at a time. Best example is pizza. I eat the toppings, then cheese, then sauce, then bread. Highly unusual but I know nothing different.
I take a cup with me every where I go: work, school, friend's houses, cars, grocery store, church.... I think it is just habit, but smart. Who knows when you'll have a drink emergency. I hate feet. I have a reflex that will harm you if you dare to come near me with your feet. I believe that is just a phobia that I have not chosen to control. I drink unreal amounts of coffee where it is more odd for you to see me without coffee than it is to see me with coffee. Coffee shops all over town know my drink order. It can be an addiction but it started with bigger concerns than drinking coffee. It used to help control my food intake, now it's an addiction. I sleep on the floor. Occassionally the couch will do but usually the floor is what I like best. This is usually what gets people. The truth is a long time ago I had an unusual experience in college. The story somehow leads to the tv and floor being like my security blanket. I like to challenge myself with small challenges daily to give myself a feel of accomplishment. I have a waiting list for roommates because girls that tend to live with me get married... you're welcome ladies! I don't like to cry so I choose not to unless I'm watching a kleenex commercial or Glee episode. I think like a boy, I need you to tell me what you're thinking or I'll never get it. I love my last name CORE to the point I might negotiate with my future husband about taking my name.
I'm sure I have other oddities that my friends notice, but otherwise I'm just me because I said so.
Friday, July 15, 2011
Conditional Love
New things: Ate fig for the first time, Made eggplant parmigiana, went to Heart to Heart and won for the first time in a drawing my first apron, Made plantains, got three free coffees this week, met 2 new friends randomly, throwing a party to meet new people, signing up for a 1/2 marathon, and contemplating a new hairstyle or piercing.
Yesterday I got to love a child. I probably didn't love perfectly, but I hope it was conditional. Conditional! Children are raw and natural. Sometimes they behave based on the only ways the know how, loud and sinful. Children are also quick to mimic. I am now convinced the best love for children is conditional. We love in a manner that will condition their behavior!
Yesterday at work there was a 6 year old child that did not want to go outside with the rest of the children on the playground. He walked all the way down the hallway with me, to the door until he realized his group was at the playground he doesn't like. So he asks if he can stay inside. Unfortunately, will all children outside, there is not proper supervision inside for him. I tell him he needs to stay outside for the next 5 minutes until we go inside for activity.
Natural behavior beings... "LET ME IN, I WANT TO GO IN!"
Me: "I know buddy, but I need you stay outside for 5 min. then we can go in."
Learned behavior takes over: "I WANT TO GO IN THIS INSTANT. YOU BETTER LET ME IN OR ELSE."
Me: "Or else what? I really hope you are not going to threaten me. It would be good for you to make a good decision and sit in the shade to cool off."
Boy: "I wish I would just die".
Me: I really don't want to hear that, I don't believe that is what is best for you. I'd rather you wait 3 min and go inside like you want".
Boy: "You let me inside or I will pray what you don't want me to pray, I'll pray that I die"
Me: "Well I'm very thankful that God hears our prayers and then answers them by what he thinks is best. I'm pretty sure God thinks it is not best for you to die right now. He probably wants you to go inside when it is time."
Boy theology: "God can't stop me, it is my own body"
Me: "God is really powerful. Can I tell you a story about how powerful God is?"
Boy: "Only if we go inside so I can listen better"
I told the boy the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the fiery furnace. We can't control others' actions or opinions but they can't control God.
Yesterday I got to love a child. I probably didn't love perfectly, but I hope it was conditional. Conditional! Children are raw and natural. Sometimes they behave based on the only ways the know how, loud and sinful. Children are also quick to mimic. I am now convinced the best love for children is conditional. We love in a manner that will condition their behavior!
Yesterday at work there was a 6 year old child that did not want to go outside with the rest of the children on the playground. He walked all the way down the hallway with me, to the door until he realized his group was at the playground he doesn't like. So he asks if he can stay inside. Unfortunately, will all children outside, there is not proper supervision inside for him. I tell him he needs to stay outside for the next 5 minutes until we go inside for activity.
Natural behavior beings... "LET ME IN, I WANT TO GO IN!"
Me: "I know buddy, but I need you stay outside for 5 min. then we can go in."
Learned behavior takes over: "I WANT TO GO IN THIS INSTANT. YOU BETTER LET ME IN OR ELSE."
Me: "Or else what? I really hope you are not going to threaten me. It would be good for you to make a good decision and sit in the shade to cool off."
Boy: "I wish I would just die".
Me: I really don't want to hear that, I don't believe that is what is best for you. I'd rather you wait 3 min and go inside like you want".
Boy: "You let me inside or I will pray what you don't want me to pray, I'll pray that I die"
Me: "Well I'm very thankful that God hears our prayers and then answers them by what he thinks is best. I'm pretty sure God thinks it is not best for you to die right now. He probably wants you to go inside when it is time."
Boy theology: "God can't stop me, it is my own body"
Me: "God is really powerful. Can I tell you a story about how powerful God is?"
Boy: "Only if we go inside so I can listen better"
I told the boy the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the fiery furnace. We can't control others' actions or opinions but they can't control God.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Call me Travelocity
First time to run the 10k Peachtree Race
First time to drive to Mississippi by myself
First time to buy sushi in a mall food court
First time to get coffee with a Mormon
First time seeing Zooey this year
First time eating at Waffle House by myself
Okay that's just a few things that are my "new" things from my trip. My trip to ATL/ Bham/ Columbus was aawesome. We'll take this one at a time...
ATL: Erin, Lane and I drove down Saturday, with a few stops making it a long but relaxing trip. Then we stayed in hotel with valets which leads me to believe we have officially made it to "classy". We went to a Braves game (Go Braves) where we met up with Lacie and Brittany. Then Sunday we went to Jonesboro to visit Mike's Church. It was good to seem him in his ministry and the love the church clearly has for one another. Then Monday we ran our race. I finished in about an 1hr 5min. My goal was under an hour but I'll live.
Bham: I went on to see my family after the race for the 4th of July. Really I slept and then went to see my friends Sadie, Mary Beth, and Leah for dinner. These are friends for life and I'm so thankful I can count on them. We are already planning a trip to Nashville which I'm sure will give me tons to blog about. After I left I met with a guy I had met in Starbucks. He seemed nice and just wanted to get to know me because he liked my choice of music in the drive thru. Turns out that's all we had in common. He is mormon and I am Christian, so you can imagine we had lots to talk about. Then Wednesday, mom and I had gone shopping which is always a good deal for me. Mom is very kind and generous but I mostly love getting to talk to her about things. We are definitely friends status and she's still mom. I'm so thankful for our relationship.
Columbus: I made a trip to Columbus on Tuesday to see Todd, Jennifer and of course Zooey. I'm pretty sure she is the most adorable baby in the world. It was so fun to watch her observe her surroundings, try new words or movements, and laugh as she knew she succeeded. I think Zooey is like me. She likes a challenge. Her success is on her terms, no one else. She knows what she is good at. She has a calm temperment. She doesn't get over anxious but lets us know when things are not going well for her. She studies her surroundings without making rash movements or decisions. She's my lil peacock.
I drove back home today. Got some Waffle House on the way. Got some coffee. A whole lot of singing and dancing in the car and now... sleep!
First time to drive to Mississippi by myself
First time to buy sushi in a mall food court
First time to get coffee with a Mormon
First time seeing Zooey this year
First time eating at Waffle House by myself
Okay that's just a few things that are my "new" things from my trip. My trip to ATL/ Bham/ Columbus was aawesome. We'll take this one at a time...
ATL: Erin, Lane and I drove down Saturday, with a few stops making it a long but relaxing trip. Then we stayed in hotel with valets which leads me to believe we have officially made it to "classy". We went to a Braves game (Go Braves) where we met up with Lacie and Brittany. Then Sunday we went to Jonesboro to visit Mike's Church. It was good to seem him in his ministry and the love the church clearly has for one another. Then Monday we ran our race. I finished in about an 1hr 5min. My goal was under an hour but I'll live.
Bham: I went on to see my family after the race for the 4th of July. Really I slept and then went to see my friends Sadie, Mary Beth, and Leah for dinner. These are friends for life and I'm so thankful I can count on them. We are already planning a trip to Nashville which I'm sure will give me tons to blog about. After I left I met with a guy I had met in Starbucks. He seemed nice and just wanted to get to know me because he liked my choice of music in the drive thru. Turns out that's all we had in common. He is mormon and I am Christian, so you can imagine we had lots to talk about. Then Wednesday, mom and I had gone shopping which is always a good deal for me. Mom is very kind and generous but I mostly love getting to talk to her about things. We are definitely friends status and she's still mom. I'm so thankful for our relationship.
Columbus: I made a trip to Columbus on Tuesday to see Todd, Jennifer and of course Zooey. I'm pretty sure she is the most adorable baby in the world. It was so fun to watch her observe her surroundings, try new words or movements, and laugh as she knew she succeeded. I think Zooey is like me. She likes a challenge. Her success is on her terms, no one else. She knows what she is good at. She has a calm temperment. She doesn't get over anxious but lets us know when things are not going well for her. She studies her surroundings without making rash movements or decisions. She's my lil peacock.
I drove back home today. Got some Waffle House on the way. Got some coffee. A whole lot of singing and dancing in the car and now... sleep!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
There's No Crying in Baseball
With all my heart, I hate crying! I don't mind if others cry, in fact, I think it's healthy (to a certain extent). However, somewhere down the line I conditioned myself to believe that crying is weak. Crying doesn't change circumstances. Crying doesn't solve problems. It isn't the best way to get attention or compassion.
I used to joke that my tear ducts get confused. When I laugh really hard I cry, when I get really upset I run, and when I get mad I close down. No wonder girls are so complex. Today, however, I think my emotions were right on track.
I went to a 5th grade graduation today! (That was my new thing for the day). Some of my 5th graders from the YMCA invited us and I realized I had been with these kids for 4 years, most of their elementary experience. I've seen them grow, mature, develop, birthdays, through parents divorce, friends moving away, their first day at a new school, baseball games, champions, losses, parents losing jobs, losing parents or grandparents, surgery, crushes, broken hearts, best friends, and now graduation. I didn't cry about any of this! But I was like a proud mama!!
A girl, named Jocelyn, that had been in our program before was graduating today. She lived with her single mother and younger brother. She was definitely a God send to her mother. She took care of her brother, did great in school, safety partrol, kept the peace, and was always very responsible. I don't know the situation with dad, but I know she missed him. I know there were many times they planned on seeing dad but plans fall through as they do often with adults' schedules. Today at graduation, there was a dad that seemed overly enthusiastic for just a 5th grade ceremony. You know the type... the dad that stands in front of others so he gets the perfect camera shot. Claps every time he hears his child's name eventhough they are asked to wait until the end. Waving big so his child sees that he is watching. I'm sure at some point my thought was this guy needs to just go ahead and take a seat on stage with the principal so he has the best view. Then I realized, it was Jocelyn's father. He was there and he was proud. I watched Jocelyn's smile as she walked by him every time she received an award (which was at least 5 or 6). He gave the thumbs up, a small clap, take a picture, get a hug. I watched the relationship interaction. She loved him regardless because he is her dad and he was soooo stinkin proud of his daughter. This brought a smile to my eyes. As Jocelyn sat down for her presidential award for outstanding academics, I watched her dad as he brushed away tears. The overwhelming emotion of pride for his daughter's accomplishments and the young lady she had become was too much to bear within. At this point, I could hold it no longer as a few tears welled up within my own eyes.
Then there is a boy that was in the 5th grade class. I don't know him, I've seen him around and I stood next his parents. This boy is mentally challenged caused by an accident that sent him to surgery. He never fully recovered and struggles daily with the normalcy of life. Today he walked across that stage after years of self discipline, perseverence, and hard work. Of course mom and dad were proud and emotional but I held it together until... I saw the kids. My heart did the leaping throb in the chest when you want to hold back tears but you don't really have control. As he came back to sit down with his classmates, each one of them gave him a high five and would not sit down until he got to his seat. There was an air of respect that filled the room.
I cried today at a 5th grade graduation... twice!
I think I cried because I was so impressed. A young person can make all the difference in the world. Jocelyn is a person of love and respect for her dad. She is a person that understands grace, love and forgiveness. She is a person that values time, family, and purity. The young boy does not let excuses determine who he is. He will not fail on the grounds of permission to do so. His potential is exceeded everyday he gets out of bed. His determination to be great is inspiring.
I might cry at my graduation next year, but for a different reason!
I used to joke that my tear ducts get confused. When I laugh really hard I cry, when I get really upset I run, and when I get mad I close down. No wonder girls are so complex. Today, however, I think my emotions were right on track.
I went to a 5th grade graduation today! (That was my new thing for the day). Some of my 5th graders from the YMCA invited us and I realized I had been with these kids for 4 years, most of their elementary experience. I've seen them grow, mature, develop, birthdays, through parents divorce, friends moving away, their first day at a new school, baseball games, champions, losses, parents losing jobs, losing parents or grandparents, surgery, crushes, broken hearts, best friends, and now graduation. I didn't cry about any of this! But I was like a proud mama!!
A girl, named Jocelyn, that had been in our program before was graduating today. She lived with her single mother and younger brother. She was definitely a God send to her mother. She took care of her brother, did great in school, safety partrol, kept the peace, and was always very responsible. I don't know the situation with dad, but I know she missed him. I know there were many times they planned on seeing dad but plans fall through as they do often with adults' schedules. Today at graduation, there was a dad that seemed overly enthusiastic for just a 5th grade ceremony. You know the type... the dad that stands in front of others so he gets the perfect camera shot. Claps every time he hears his child's name eventhough they are asked to wait until the end. Waving big so his child sees that he is watching. I'm sure at some point my thought was this guy needs to just go ahead and take a seat on stage with the principal so he has the best view. Then I realized, it was Jocelyn's father. He was there and he was proud. I watched Jocelyn's smile as she walked by him every time she received an award (which was at least 5 or 6). He gave the thumbs up, a small clap, take a picture, get a hug. I watched the relationship interaction. She loved him regardless because he is her dad and he was soooo stinkin proud of his daughter. This brought a smile to my eyes. As Jocelyn sat down for her presidential award for outstanding academics, I watched her dad as he brushed away tears. The overwhelming emotion of pride for his daughter's accomplishments and the young lady she had become was too much to bear within. At this point, I could hold it no longer as a few tears welled up within my own eyes.
Then there is a boy that was in the 5th grade class. I don't know him, I've seen him around and I stood next his parents. This boy is mentally challenged caused by an accident that sent him to surgery. He never fully recovered and struggles daily with the normalcy of life. Today he walked across that stage after years of self discipline, perseverence, and hard work. Of course mom and dad were proud and emotional but I held it together until... I saw the kids. My heart did the leaping throb in the chest when you want to hold back tears but you don't really have control. As he came back to sit down with his classmates, each one of them gave him a high five and would not sit down until he got to his seat. There was an air of respect that filled the room.
I cried today at a 5th grade graduation... twice!
I think I cried because I was so impressed. A young person can make all the difference in the world. Jocelyn is a person of love and respect for her dad. She is a person that understands grace, love and forgiveness. She is a person that values time, family, and purity. The young boy does not let excuses determine who he is. He will not fail on the grounds of permission to do so. His potential is exceeded everyday he gets out of bed. His determination to be great is inspiring.
I might cry at my graduation next year, but for a different reason!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Fatal Attraction
Our minds wonder in la la land over the things that we are most attracted to, whether it is a person, a beautiful scene, a song, job, sport, child, art, speech, entertainment, challenge, etc. We all appreciate different things but for different reasons. Some people appreciate gifts, while others need affirmation. Some are triggered by sight, some by touch. For me personally, I am drawn to smart creativity. I like a challenge.
I guess my question is, why is attractiveness not universal? Around the world beauty has different standards. Some of my best friends, I'm most similar to, are not attracted to the same guys. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad, because otherwise we might have some cat fights over some of these guys. But at the same time what is causing us to be attracted to something?
Then there are things we know we should be attracted to but struggle with the fact we are not. Or we are attracted to things and know we should not be. Like the dangerous guy, one the rides motorcycles, is daring, smokes and drinks, and plays guitar. What in the world is appealing about that? Maybe adventure, excitement? The "nice guy" is always last. Why? I HAVE NO IDEA!
God has created everything, every person. He is beautiful. His goodness is pure. His grace is attractive. Is it universal? What about God is unattractive to the non believer? Is it our portrayal of God that is unattractive? Is it the misinformation or no information on Christ that leave people rejecting Him?
Of all the things I can think of in the world, God is the only thing I can't imagine people finding unattractive. Maybe the Church, the change in lifestyle, or organized religion is unattractive but God Himself is holy. Maybe we can do a better job of giving people God and less church, rules or religion.
We are attracted to things that delight us, not necessarily what is good for us. If we were disciplined enough to let the good things be in our lives we would delight in the benefits of the good effects. Just because there is an attraction, doesn't mean it is good. Hello! Eve found the fruit delightful and now we are all sinners. Lucifer found power delightful and he is an enemy of God. Israel found treasure delightful and they missed out on the promised land. Paul delighted in status and religion and he killed Christians (for a time). Those that delight themselves in the Lord, he will give you your desires.
I guess my question is, why is attractiveness not universal? Around the world beauty has different standards. Some of my best friends, I'm most similar to, are not attracted to the same guys. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad, because otherwise we might have some cat fights over some of these guys. But at the same time what is causing us to be attracted to something?
Then there are things we know we should be attracted to but struggle with the fact we are not. Or we are attracted to things and know we should not be. Like the dangerous guy, one the rides motorcycles, is daring, smokes and drinks, and plays guitar. What in the world is appealing about that? Maybe adventure, excitement? The "nice guy" is always last. Why? I HAVE NO IDEA!
God has created everything, every person. He is beautiful. His goodness is pure. His grace is attractive. Is it universal? What about God is unattractive to the non believer? Is it our portrayal of God that is unattractive? Is it the misinformation or no information on Christ that leave people rejecting Him?
Of all the things I can think of in the world, God is the only thing I can't imagine people finding unattractive. Maybe the Church, the change in lifestyle, or organized religion is unattractive but God Himself is holy. Maybe we can do a better job of giving people God and less church, rules or religion.
We are attracted to things that delight us, not necessarily what is good for us. If we were disciplined enough to let the good things be in our lives we would delight in the benefits of the good effects. Just because there is an attraction, doesn't mean it is good. Hello! Eve found the fruit delightful and now we are all sinners. Lucifer found power delightful and he is an enemy of God. Israel found treasure delightful and they missed out on the promised land. Paul delighted in status and religion and he killed Christians (for a time). Those that delight themselves in the Lord, he will give you your desires.
Friday, June 24, 2011
I'm Better Today than Yesterday
When I was a little girl I had a terrible time lying. I was actually a really good liar and enjoyed it. I usually either lied for approval or escape or just for the heck of it (I think they call this pathological). Then one day I decided I didn't like to lie, so I stopped. But I didn't just stopped, I hated it! I can't stand it when people lie to me or give half truths.
About 50 lbs ago I was in 6th grade. I was a chunk and a half. I love sweets and tv, bad combination. Then I got picked on a lot in middle school and decided this is not how I'm spending life, so I stopped eating, joined the basketball team and drank coffee. Now I'm healthier, but I would say the Lord brought me out of a disorder called anorexia nervosa.
As a younster, I was told I talk too much and too loud. So I stopped talking and became a good listener.
I've always been bossy. My mama says my second toe is bigger than my big toe which means I'm bossy. Well, I guess somethings never change.
As I got older I realized I change myself for others a lot. In college, I did somethings I was not proud of for approval. I was easily persuaded. Mom prayed me through that time. I've taught myself to not care what others think almost to a point that I forget to be considerate of others. I choose my feelings, emotions are controlled. I'm a robot!
I'm very much a self disciplined person. I can probably learn how to do almost anything and be pretty decent at it. I'm extreme, so my hard work to discipline myself has noticeable effects. But I know that most things I change are by sinful approaches. It isn't bad to stop lying but it is to hate liars. It's not bad to lose weight but it is to hate my body. It's fine to be a good listener but not shut down. It's okay to be logical but God created us to emotional beings too. It wasn't until about a year ago I began to take these things to the Lord. I didn't even realize how God has worked on me until I look back as I slowly have released these issues to God. I still have a lot to work on He is faithful and good to me.
About 50 lbs ago I was in 6th grade. I was a chunk and a half. I love sweets and tv, bad combination. Then I got picked on a lot in middle school and decided this is not how I'm spending life, so I stopped eating, joined the basketball team and drank coffee. Now I'm healthier, but I would say the Lord brought me out of a disorder called anorexia nervosa.
As a younster, I was told I talk too much and too loud. So I stopped talking and became a good listener.
I've always been bossy. My mama says my second toe is bigger than my big toe which means I'm bossy. Well, I guess somethings never change.
As I got older I realized I change myself for others a lot. In college, I did somethings I was not proud of for approval. I was easily persuaded. Mom prayed me through that time. I've taught myself to not care what others think almost to a point that I forget to be considerate of others. I choose my feelings, emotions are controlled. I'm a robot!
I'm very much a self disciplined person. I can probably learn how to do almost anything and be pretty decent at it. I'm extreme, so my hard work to discipline myself has noticeable effects. But I know that most things I change are by sinful approaches. It isn't bad to stop lying but it is to hate liars. It's not bad to lose weight but it is to hate my body. It's fine to be a good listener but not shut down. It's okay to be logical but God created us to emotional beings too. It wasn't until about a year ago I began to take these things to the Lord. I didn't even realize how God has worked on me until I look back as I slowly have released these issues to God. I still have a lot to work on He is faithful and good to me.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Out with the Old
Well, it's that time again. I'm getting restless. I need new in my life. In the past I've dyed my hair, I've trained for a half marathon, I've moved cities or apartments, I've gone on trips, I've made bets with people, my aptmate and I created a challenge game, I've tried to change jobs, start a new hobby, read more books, did something daring...etc. I need new! Skydiving? Go somewhere new? Get on television? Meet someone famous? Take a challenge? Get a piercing/ tattoo? Go dancing? Run a marathon/ triathlon?
I usually need new when life gets difficult. It's a release for me. Something I can control when I feel out of control. It is spontaneous and fun. It is an accomplishment. It is extreme. It becomes a story. Sometimes a mistake, mostly an adventure, never a regret. It is not for anyone but myself. It gives me something to care about.
This is a big one! I've challenged myself to go somewhere new everyday this summer. Fun, I'll meet new people, but not big enough. I want to do something I've never done before! I want to do something I will always remember! I want to be awesome! Any ideas?
I usually need new when life gets difficult. It's a release for me. Something I can control when I feel out of control. It is spontaneous and fun. It is an accomplishment. It is extreme. It becomes a story. Sometimes a mistake, mostly an adventure, never a regret. It is not for anyone but myself. It gives me something to care about.
This is a big one! I've challenged myself to go somewhere new everyday this summer. Fun, I'll meet new people, but not big enough. I want to do something I've never done before! I want to do something I will always remember! I want to be awesome! Any ideas?
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
First Dates
My roommate is going on a first date this weekend, with a guy she has been friends with for years! Oh the transition is probably a little awkward for them since their families are so close but mostly exciting. It is funny because they have both been thinking about taking this next step for a few months without the other being aware of the change. Anyways, Kimberly got a new dress and she looks fantastic. Look out Phillip!
It is fun to think back on first dates, anticipation, the newness, adventure, the unknown. The pressure of good conversation and being impressive quickly dissipates with the overwhelming urge to be in the other person's presence. Everyone is on their best behaviors and wants nothing less than the other to have the perfect evening. One of my best first dates, the guy took me to ATL where he had reservations for dinner and then another reservation for dessert and coffee in a ship with live music and dancing. All my favorites rolled into one night. Ah well, then life happened and I became housewife to non husband, while non husband did his own thing. My ambitions and goals became second priority. My prayer for Kimberly and Phillip is that whether this newness wears off, the effort to put the other before yourself and the urge to always be in the other's presence should not. I pray the Lord blesses this first date and continues to grow both of them to Him. I pray He confirms in their lives His plan for them. I pray you are missional and loving in this new adventure. Love you Kimberly.
It is fun to think back on first dates, anticipation, the newness, adventure, the unknown. The pressure of good conversation and being impressive quickly dissipates with the overwhelming urge to be in the other person's presence. Everyone is on their best behaviors and wants nothing less than the other to have the perfect evening. One of my best first dates, the guy took me to ATL where he had reservations for dinner and then another reservation for dessert and coffee in a ship with live music and dancing. All my favorites rolled into one night. Ah well, then life happened and I became housewife to non husband, while non husband did his own thing. My ambitions and goals became second priority. My prayer for Kimberly and Phillip is that whether this newness wears off, the effort to put the other before yourself and the urge to always be in the other's presence should not. I pray the Lord blesses this first date and continues to grow both of them to Him. I pray He confirms in their lives His plan for them. I pray you are missional and loving in this new adventure. Love you Kimberly.
Monday, June 20, 2011
The Ficious Cycle
The harder you try to stop thinking about something, the more you think about it. Your worse insecurities are propagated by the constant reminders of the insecurity. Running is delayed by the awareness of our inability to run. Sin is continued by our fear to approach the God who forgives them. We drink coffee because we don't get enough sleep because we drank coffee. I need cookie dough because I'm so distraught I ran out of cookie dough.
Why can't Cycles be positive like, the reoccuring dream where hot un-named guy asks me to marry him, a second wind on a long run, the sun sets so it can rise again. Thse sound positive but dreams end, body wears down, and sun rise means it's morning (I appreciate a new day, I'm just a night owl). Am I a realist or pessimist?
Then there are the cycles that are ficious and positive: forgiveness. We continually sin and God continually forgives. To break the ficious cycle, you need to break the sin! Ficious = Sin.
Why can't Cycles be positive like, the reoccuring dream where hot un-named guy asks me to marry him, a second wind on a long run, the sun sets so it can rise again. Thse sound positive but dreams end, body wears down, and sun rise means it's morning (I appreciate a new day, I'm just a night owl). Am I a realist or pessimist?
Then there are the cycles that are ficious and positive: forgiveness. We continually sin and God continually forgives. To break the ficious cycle, you need to break the sin! Ficious = Sin.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Dear Daddy
I've always been a daddy's girl, never wanting to disappoint him. I was always nervous to see the mustache move to the side, which was the sign of pure disappointment. In some strange way, I was a tomboy growing up because I know boys are more fun for daddy's. I used to scream and cry when my mom would braid or curl my hair (sorry mom). My daddy taught me basketball, pitched the softball with me for hours for little league, taught me golf, how to play an instrument and read music, but none of this is what makes him my daddy.
I remember when I was about 3 years old I fell off my tricycle (that's right off the tricycle, biking never got better for me) and I cut up my knee to the point of needing stitches. I screamed and cried and begged my dad not to take me to get stitches; instead he just hugged me. Just being in my dad's arms made me feel safe. I have a scar now but I'm glad my dad's safety is what I think of.
When I was about 11, my dad and I went to TN for mission trip. At the end of the trip I got real sick, so we stayed an extra day while everyone went back home. My dad got me music and drinks for the trip home but before we even made it to the highway, the truck broke down. In the middle of July, my dad left me in the truck to hike and find help. That was a day I saw my helpless dad cry. There was nothing my dad could do but pray. This day I will always remember my dad's prayer answered by God as he brought help into our lives in extraordinary and undeniably God's way.
The first time I got my heart broken, my dad bore the nerves and came to my room to talk to me. Gave the typical "you are special" speech and let me in a little on what he went through as a young guy dating my mom. My dad has always been very honest with me, especially when it comes to what guys are thinking, reality of situations of dating, if certain guys aren't good enough for me, and making sure I'm happy. I think it is his honesty that makes me value his talks so much.
In high school, my dad and I used to have breakfast together. Some days, I was so exhausted we just stared into our bowls, other times we would ask about our days. Sometimes, something interesting was actually going on, but I always appreciated the beginning of my day started with my Father and Daddy.
In college, dad and I had deeper conversations about God, the Bible, and Truth. We would rethink some of the stories we heard growing up. Dad would challenge me to not spout off things I took for granted as truth and to study it for myself. It was fun to find the Truth of God's word and discuss the impact it had in how we thought about Scripture. College is when I really understood my dad's deep relationship with God. I remember my dad telling me one time he was going into a store and a homeless man stopped him and asked for money. My dad said he will give him money if the man would give him 5 minutes of his time. I said to my dad, "What did ya'll talk about?" Poor dad with a surprised look said he shared the gospel. That was the moment I knew my dad was a man of God.
I'm in seminary now, 9 hours away from my dad. We have phone dates on Thursday. He has been a man that is gentle, humble, encouraging, prayerful, servant, willing, loving, patient, and steadfast in my life. I have been blessed with a father that has made an appearance in every memory of my life. There are plenty of other stories I could tell, that mean so much to me, but this is not a book.
I love you daddy and I thank God for a man that has been a great example of Christ!!
I remember when I was about 3 years old I fell off my tricycle (that's right off the tricycle, biking never got better for me) and I cut up my knee to the point of needing stitches. I screamed and cried and begged my dad not to take me to get stitches; instead he just hugged me. Just being in my dad's arms made me feel safe. I have a scar now but I'm glad my dad's safety is what I think of.
When I was about 11, my dad and I went to TN for mission trip. At the end of the trip I got real sick, so we stayed an extra day while everyone went back home. My dad got me music and drinks for the trip home but before we even made it to the highway, the truck broke down. In the middle of July, my dad left me in the truck to hike and find help. That was a day I saw my helpless dad cry. There was nothing my dad could do but pray. This day I will always remember my dad's prayer answered by God as he brought help into our lives in extraordinary and undeniably God's way.
The first time I got my heart broken, my dad bore the nerves and came to my room to talk to me. Gave the typical "you are special" speech and let me in a little on what he went through as a young guy dating my mom. My dad has always been very honest with me, especially when it comes to what guys are thinking, reality of situations of dating, if certain guys aren't good enough for me, and making sure I'm happy. I think it is his honesty that makes me value his talks so much.
In high school, my dad and I used to have breakfast together. Some days, I was so exhausted we just stared into our bowls, other times we would ask about our days. Sometimes, something interesting was actually going on, but I always appreciated the beginning of my day started with my Father and Daddy.
In college, dad and I had deeper conversations about God, the Bible, and Truth. We would rethink some of the stories we heard growing up. Dad would challenge me to not spout off things I took for granted as truth and to study it for myself. It was fun to find the Truth of God's word and discuss the impact it had in how we thought about Scripture. College is when I really understood my dad's deep relationship with God. I remember my dad telling me one time he was going into a store and a homeless man stopped him and asked for money. My dad said he will give him money if the man would give him 5 minutes of his time. I said to my dad, "What did ya'll talk about?" Poor dad with a surprised look said he shared the gospel. That was the moment I knew my dad was a man of God.
I'm in seminary now, 9 hours away from my dad. We have phone dates on Thursday. He has been a man that is gentle, humble, encouraging, prayerful, servant, willing, loving, patient, and steadfast in my life. I have been blessed with a father that has made an appearance in every memory of my life. There are plenty of other stories I could tell, that mean so much to me, but this is not a book.
I love you daddy and I thank God for a man that has been a great example of Christ!!
Saturday, June 18, 2011
What if?
What if I got everything I wanted? Would I be happier? Would I know pain? Would I know God? What if the sky wasn't blue? Would we feel like something was wrong? What if I just left town at a moments notice and did whatever I wanted? Would life here go on as normal? Would I be missed? Would it effect others? What if I could turn back time? Would I change anything? Would I be able to learn from my own mistakes? What if there really was an elephant in the room? What would his name be? What if there was not texting or facebook? Would half the people know anything about me? Would they care now that they can't stalk me? What if I were a boy? Would I be an athlete, a handy man or a geek? What if you could read my thoughts? Would I be embarrassed? Would I try harder to think purely? Would you hate me? What if I grew up in Africa? Would I visit America? Would I have heard the gospel? Would have the same values or ambitions? What if I invented the wheel? I'd be rich!
I can always ask questions but I guess life would be boring if I had the answers!
I can always ask questions but I guess life would be boring if I had the answers!
Friday, June 17, 2011
Use Protection
I'm active, I like to do things for the thrill, be a little daring. I don't always think of the consequences or believe the harm is inevitable for me. I believe in taking risks for the people that matter in my life. I would like to believe that given the opportunity I would risk my life for the God I love and the people He loves. There is one area of my life, however, that totally defies everything I just said, my heart. One of my biggest fears in life is giving other people a compliment and one of the most embarrassing things anyone could do to me is give me a compliment. I don't talk a lot about my life as much as I talk about the people in my life. I shy away from sharing what God is doing in my life but rather share who God is, what he promises, and the importance of a personal relationship. I know testimony is important and usually I don't mind past stories of God's goodness to me but in the heart of the experience my stomach knots up to think I should talk about how God is using me or working in me. When it comes to guys, forget it. My heart is shut! I'm hs friend on the surface and I'll love him forever in the heart but the two shall never meet. I guess I just hope someday that guy will pursue me without having an inclination that I'm interested, he'll be brave. As for my friends, they know where I'm from, my past, my goals, what I like, what I don't like but they don't know my fears, they don't know why I don't cry, they don't know why I can't sleep in my bed at night, they don't know how I ended up here in NC at seminary, they don't know why I like coffee or like to run, they don't know why I've shut my heart or hate compliments. Self Preservation: I've chosen to protect myself by keeping my heart vaulted. If no one can get to it, it can't be broken or stolen or even given away. No one can enjoy it! No one can critique it.
My brain works on a whole other level. I am completely aware how unhealthy paragraph 1 sounds. I know that I am physically saying to God I do not trust Him to cherish my heart and protect me Himself. I understand I may be missing out on the beauty of relationships and even their purpose by only being half me. However, I also know that I am the type person that seeks to forgive, I hate being bitter, and I believe that there are no circumstances that can cause me to be sinful. As a Christian my only other option in a fallen world is to feel pain, betrayal, and discomfort when others tear me up. My love and compassion comes from the part of the heart that is for all, not vaulted. Is that love? Is it forgiveness, compassion or fake? Can I love someone I don't trust?
Dear brain and heart,
I need to know that my heart is protected by God. I need to know that my love is full and genuine in the eyes of my Lord. I need to know that pain is a time for God to give me strength and the strength is a time to give God glory. If ya'll could work together to see that this happens I would be eternally grateful.
My brain works on a whole other level. I am completely aware how unhealthy paragraph 1 sounds. I know that I am physically saying to God I do not trust Him to cherish my heart and protect me Himself. I understand I may be missing out on the beauty of relationships and even their purpose by only being half me. However, I also know that I am the type person that seeks to forgive, I hate being bitter, and I believe that there are no circumstances that can cause me to be sinful. As a Christian my only other option in a fallen world is to feel pain, betrayal, and discomfort when others tear me up. My love and compassion comes from the part of the heart that is for all, not vaulted. Is that love? Is it forgiveness, compassion or fake? Can I love someone I don't trust?
Dear brain and heart,
I need to know that my heart is protected by God. I need to know that my love is full and genuine in the eyes of my Lord. I need to know that pain is a time for God to give me strength and the strength is a time to give God glory. If ya'll could work together to see that this happens I would be eternally grateful.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
It speaks for itself
I went to the mall tonight hoping to get an awesome dress for a wedding I'm going to this Saturday. No luck! I hate that I'm between juniors and women, I never know what is appropriate for me to wear. Mid 20s is difficult to be trendy without "trying to hard" or looking like my grandma. Anyways, on the way, I got my typical coffee from Starbucks, where a cute boy flirts a bit and tells me I don't need a new dress. Speaking truth to me! I divert from my shopping for a dress and go buy a Swahili dictionary to get ready for my trip to Kenya. I start to read some of the titles of "Christian Inspiration" books and I'm disgusted that it is in the Christian section. 7 Steps to this, take control of your heart, how to deal with pain, blah blah blah how to make my life wonderful separate from who God is, really means how to cope with the world until you explode. I grew up reading the Bible as medication or an answer key. When my life is lacking I go to Scripture to fill the hole, but I filled it with words, sayings, intentions, morality, wishes.
It wasn't until college that I began to read the Bible as God's biography of who He is and His work to redeem His people. It is not our story, it is not personal; it is the evidence of our Holy God. So it is to my relief that these books cannot disrupt the purpose of Scripture.
It wasn't until college that I began to read the Bible as God's biography of who He is and His work to redeem His people. It is not our story, it is not personal; it is the evidence of our Holy God. So it is to my relief that these books cannot disrupt the purpose of Scripture.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Grown up Me
I don't know why I am starting to blog again. I think my brain is bursting with Truth, it would be a shame to keep it to myself. My words tend to make better sense written out than verbal. My tongue swells with doubt and insecurity. The paper grants grace to my thoughts as sentences form the ideas that provoke me. So in a way, this blog could be a public invitation to my head... good luck to my readers, and be kind!
My exterior challenges vulnerability and weakness. I pride myself in independence and not crying. Sometimes I cry when I laugh too hard but otherwise I pout. I work hard, I'm in school at seminary to be a biblical counselor, integrity is important to me which includes honesty and loyalty. I think it is necessary to be spontaneous. I set goals to challenge myself. I don't quit. I've learned my limitations, I'm learning to listen to God, I want to learn another language. My friends describe me as awkward but I think it is more of a feeling that I push the boundaries of comfort levels. It ticks me off when people only think of themselves. I avoid negativity. I'm drawn to the humble. A guy that makes me laugh, takes my heart. Core truths are not what I think, but the things I know to be true for all. Discussions will be based on questions, perspectives, arguments, life experiences, and thoughts on these truths.
My exterior challenges vulnerability and weakness. I pride myself in independence and not crying. Sometimes I cry when I laugh too hard but otherwise I pout. I work hard, I'm in school at seminary to be a biblical counselor, integrity is important to me which includes honesty and loyalty. I think it is necessary to be spontaneous. I set goals to challenge myself. I don't quit. I've learned my limitations, I'm learning to listen to God, I want to learn another language. My friends describe me as awkward but I think it is more of a feeling that I push the boundaries of comfort levels. It ticks me off when people only think of themselves. I avoid negativity. I'm drawn to the humble. A guy that makes me laugh, takes my heart. Core truths are not what I think, but the things I know to be true for all. Discussions will be based on questions, perspectives, arguments, life experiences, and thoughts on these truths.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)